Someone recently apologized to me for the seeming "unfriendliness" of this group of believers (of many years) towards a new and special person in my life. I've been thinking about his apology until now, so I should purge it out because I know if I keep thinking about it, I can potentially become bitter and bear grudges in my heart like I used to when I was disheartened by why self-professed believers in typical churches were not interested or not pursuing Christ in their actions.
First, I will be "patient, bearing one another in love" (Ephesians 4:2), just as Jon, Christy, PC, Christina, Shangyang, and the ISF has beared with my previous religious arrogance. And I know God will change them throughout their time here just like he's changing me and he won't give up if we remain in him (John 15:5, Philippians 1:6). If I know he has changed me for so much good, I know he will do it for them too!
Second, I want to be an example of Jesus' radical love, just as the ISF has for me. God loves all of us already in our despicable and disgusting state before some of us started following Jesus. His love is pro-active and I want to be one of his tools through which people experience Jesus' love, so that they will in turn love others to greater extents. "This is what God does. He gives his best — the sun to warm and the rain to nourish — to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that." (Matthew 5:45-47)
Barely the real beauty
Some of the beauty I've enjoyed this year:
Sunset at Green Valley, AZ. With the Laos and ISF for spring break; Mar 13-15, 2009.
Walking into campus for the first time; Jan 6, 2009.
The streets of NYC; Dec 25, 2008
Side-gate of La Vita House when I cycle home along 2nd Ave.
Riverbank of the Colorado River down South Kaibab Trail, Grand Canyon; Mar 18, 2009.
Driveway of Church of the Red Rocks, Sedona, AZ; Mar 17, 2009.
My favorite flower: Mexican Bird of Paradise
Pinkberry: Green Tea/Plain with mochi, Graham cracker, and blueberries
Sunset at Green Valley, AZ. With the Laos and ISF for spring break; Mar 13-15, 2009.
Walking into campus for the first time; Jan 6, 2009.
The streets of NYC; Dec 25, 2008
Side-gate of La Vita House when I cycle home along 2nd Ave.
Riverbank of the Colorado River down South Kaibab Trail, Grand Canyon; Mar 18, 2009.
Driveway of Church of the Red Rocks, Sedona, AZ; Mar 17, 2009.
My favorite flower: Mexican Bird of Paradise
Pinkberry: Green Tea/Plain with mochi, Graham cracker, and blueberries
Why I love Southern Gospel
"For much too long the Church has been an underdog to the feat of men. God's building a Church on the rise. We've been trampled on in the heat of the fight. This Church has got eternal bright; it's almost time for the Church to fly.
And I'm so glad that God's building a Church. It's gonna march like a mighty army. It'll be water to the dry and barren land. It's gonna rise from a valley of dead dry bones: sanctified, glorified, filled with the holy ghost’s power and might, purified with fire divine.
On Calvary's tree it started there - he handed it down to the hands of men. God's building a Church on the rise and I like this - Satan's about to run in fright as the saints of God in glorious might. We raced across the enemy lines with holy banners waving high. God's building a Church!"
God's Building a Church, Gold City
They tell personal stories - stories we can all relate to, and because they are personal, they really show God's power and love through a myriad of individual voices. I love stories, so I guess that's why I really love Southern Gospel music (not to mention the power vocals and awesome music!).
On another note, thanks for giving to the Dalits. It's so great that God honors all our efforts while protecting our imperfect and ultimately still sinful acts with his mercy. There were times when I was getting annoyed inside because some people were trying to get me to do stuff while we were singing in front - I couldn't stop singing and leave, but they were telling me to for something important but not urgent. And I started snapping at my parents and Spencer for taking away my phone and I needed to get people to fix stuff etc (note "started" because that was just the tip of the iceberg of how mean I treat my family when left to my own devices aka. pride).
IT WAS UGLY in God's eyes. I was running this party in Jesus' name, and I was just blaspheming his name. Everyone I talked to said I was antsy and irritable; I was also much more patient to Si and JT than my family, whom I felt were culture bumpkins (screwed-up opinion) for not being as socially familiar with parties our style (fact). I wasn't at all what God's love calls me to be: gracious and patient towards EVERYONE. I stopped agreeing with him how much unsurpassable value he sees in EVERYONE so that Jesus also died for them as well as me. What's the point of only loving those people who are good to me (Matthew 5:43-48)? It'd be more like peer pleasure driven by selfish motivations to stroke my own ego. I don't know about you, but that sounds perverse to me, but so true. Jon (Heine) uses the word "monster", so I guess you haven't seen the more appalling descriptions yet! :P The irony was, the party was calling for compassion and human dignity and equality for people whom Hindus treat as being of lesser value than snakes and dogs.
And halfway through the party, I really felt the irony: if God is in charge, why am I worrying unnecessarily? I thought like that towards my friends who are detail-driven people, since I'm a big-picture person and I was sure things would turn out fine. But that thought turned on me - praise the Lord for that! When I loosened up, God showed me that there were friends who want to help. And God taught me to be gracious and patient. I really enjoyed myself and so did everyone (? most people? :x). I think God's Spirit was working in many hearts. And I know this is the start of compassion for many people who chipped in amounts relatively significant to themselves - because Jesus said our heart is where our money is (Matthew 6:19-21).
And as a believer living forward, I think my biggest lessons are still going to be LOVE, and HUMILITY. For all you know, I could be someone who talks a lot about Jesus but my personal relationship with him could be dying by the day until it becomes non-existent.
And I'm so glad that God's building a Church. It's gonna march like a mighty army. It'll be water to the dry and barren land. It's gonna rise from a valley of dead dry bones: sanctified, glorified, filled with the holy ghost’s power and might, purified with fire divine.
On Calvary's tree it started there - he handed it down to the hands of men. God's building a Church on the rise and I like this - Satan's about to run in fright as the saints of God in glorious might. We raced across the enemy lines with holy banners waving high. God's building a Church!"
God's Building a Church, Gold City
They tell personal stories - stories we can all relate to, and because they are personal, they really show God's power and love through a myriad of individual voices. I love stories, so I guess that's why I really love Southern Gospel music (not to mention the power vocals and awesome music!).
On another note, thanks for giving to the Dalits. It's so great that God honors all our efforts while protecting our imperfect and ultimately still sinful acts with his mercy. There were times when I was getting annoyed inside because some people were trying to get me to do stuff while we were singing in front - I couldn't stop singing and leave, but they were telling me to for something important but not urgent. And I started snapping at my parents and Spencer for taking away my phone and I needed to get people to fix stuff etc (note "started" because that was just the tip of the iceberg of how mean I treat my family when left to my own devices aka. pride).
IT WAS UGLY in God's eyes. I was running this party in Jesus' name, and I was just blaspheming his name. Everyone I talked to said I was antsy and irritable; I was also much more patient to Si and JT than my family, whom I felt were culture bumpkins (screwed-up opinion) for not being as socially familiar with parties our style (fact). I wasn't at all what God's love calls me to be: gracious and patient towards EVERYONE. I stopped agreeing with him how much unsurpassable value he sees in EVERYONE so that Jesus also died for them as well as me. What's the point of only loving those people who are good to me (Matthew 5:43-48)? It'd be more like peer pleasure driven by selfish motivations to stroke my own ego. I don't know about you, but that sounds perverse to me, but so true. Jon (Heine) uses the word "monster", so I guess you haven't seen the more appalling descriptions yet! :P The irony was, the party was calling for compassion and human dignity and equality for people whom Hindus treat as being of lesser value than snakes and dogs.
And halfway through the party, I really felt the irony: if God is in charge, why am I worrying unnecessarily? I thought like that towards my friends who are detail-driven people, since I'm a big-picture person and I was sure things would turn out fine. But that thought turned on me - praise the Lord for that! When I loosened up, God showed me that there were friends who want to help. And God taught me to be gracious and patient. I really enjoyed myself and so did everyone (? most people? :x). I think God's Spirit was working in many hearts. And I know this is the start of compassion for many people who chipped in amounts relatively significant to themselves - because Jesus said our heart is where our money is (Matthew 6:19-21).
And as a believer living forward, I think my biggest lessons are still going to be LOVE, and HUMILITY. For all you know, I could be someone who talks a lot about Jesus but my personal relationship with him could be dying by the day until it becomes non-existent.
i'm too proud for God
I feel anger and pride coming over me - not involuntarily, but I've allowed it and actually enjoyed feeling the adrenaline rush of winning arguments even when it means hurting others, and the false sense of superiority it gives me. I'm judging again one of the very persons in my family I've finally starting loving just this summer. I snapped at my dad and appeared patronizing, hoping that he'd see that I AM patronizing him and I can't wait for his conversation to end...just so I can return to my own little haven of video-watching. Those videos were really great and powerful, but I'm not practicing the love they were reminding me to live out.
Please pray for me. It sure doesn't help that the benefit party is coming up this Friday and I'm not in the best spiritual condition I can be as a steward of God to run his party.
----
Dear God, thanks for letting me come to my senses about my pride. It is disgusting and filthy and shameful, but I can't get rid of it at all - more often than not, I enjoy this false sense of superiority that I get from fleeting things like arguments and conversations that make me feel popular or welcomed. And it was pride that drove people to do the worse of things, like the Holocaust, the apartheid, and slavery. Please guard my heart. You warned me thousands of years ago that my heart is very important in how I live life, but it is deceitful above everything else.
And this pride didn't creep back in like a surprise attack. I believed that I could live a life that pleased you without you. I didn't bother to be intimate with you or walk with you in the cool of the day.
Please teach me that I am second, and Jesus is first. Please overwhelm me so much with your love so I believe so! Teach me humility. If I don't take it in, I give you total permission to CARVE or BEAT HUMILITY INTO ME.
More from I Am Second, a campaign in Dallas, TX with powerful videos on how Jesus changed their lives, and now they gladly serve him.
And God, you're right. I'm also a terrorist like Chris Plekenpol. I hated you and I was your enemy, but thank you for sending Jesus to take the blast for me even when I deserved it. You didn't stand back and watch me die because I deserved it for hating you so much I deliberately opposed you in every way I could, even when I knew you were watching. And I AM NOT EXAGGERATING - you can vouch for me about that. You rushed into the bog to pull me out, and taught me that your love changes everything.
Please pray for me. It sure doesn't help that the benefit party is coming up this Friday and I'm not in the best spiritual condition I can be as a steward of God to run his party.
----
Dear God, thanks for letting me come to my senses about my pride. It is disgusting and filthy and shameful, but I can't get rid of it at all - more often than not, I enjoy this false sense of superiority that I get from fleeting things like arguments and conversations that make me feel popular or welcomed. And it was pride that drove people to do the worse of things, like the Holocaust, the apartheid, and slavery. Please guard my heart. You warned me thousands of years ago that my heart is very important in how I live life, but it is deceitful above everything else.
And this pride didn't creep back in like a surprise attack. I believed that I could live a life that pleased you without you. I didn't bother to be intimate with you or walk with you in the cool of the day.
Please teach me that I am second, and Jesus is first. Please overwhelm me so much with your love so I believe so! Teach me humility. If I don't take it in, I give you total permission to CARVE or BEAT HUMILITY INTO ME.
More from I Am Second, a campaign in Dallas, TX with powerful videos on how Jesus changed their lives, and now they gladly serve him.
And God, you're right. I'm also a terrorist like Chris Plekenpol. I hated you and I was your enemy, but thank you for sending Jesus to take the blast for me even when I deserved it. You didn't stand back and watch me die because I deserved it for hating you so much I deliberately opposed you in every way I could, even when I knew you were watching. And I AM NOT EXAGGERATING - you can vouch for me about that. You rushed into the bog to pull me out, and taught me that your love changes everything.
Elamurugan Chellan
For 1 1/2 years, Mr Elamurugan's home has been under a spiral staircase in a Serangoon shophouse after he lost his job and had to leave his Kranji dormitory
INDIAN NATIONAL'S TOES DROP OFF ONE BY ONE
FOR MORE THAN A YEAR, HE HARDLY LEAVES HIS HOME
EACH time one of his toes dropped off, he would cry as he wrapped it in paper before throwing it away.
By Celine Lim
10 May 2008
EACH time one of his toes dropped off, he would cry as he wrapped it in paper before throwing it away.
Mr Elamurugan Chellan ended up shedding a lot of tears - he lost all 10 toes on both feet to melioidosis, also known as soil disease.
After contracting the disease while working here as a construction worker in November 2006, the 28-year-old Indian national suffered multiple organ failure.
He was warded in the intensive care unit and put on life support for a week. It would be another 2 1/2 months before he was discharged from hospital.
Today, Mr Elamurugan is still learning to walk without his toes. The wounds on his right foot are still raw.
Recalling how he cried as he threw his toes in the rubbish bin, one by one over a few months, he said: 'It's hard to explain what it feels like. No one should have to go through this, seeing your toes drop off one by one.'
Soil disease is caused by a bacteria found in soil, surface water or mud, and has been identified as a potential bioterrorism agent here, in the US and Europe.
Last month, following a long-drawn negotiation, his former employer's insurer agreed to pay him $45,000 in Workmen's Compensation.
Mr Elamurugan said he had been working in Singapore for about 1 1/2years when he contracted the disease. His job involved digging trenches 3m to 5m deep for cables to be laid in the ground.
He said in Tamil: 'We all wore long-sleeved tops, long pants and rubber boots for work. But from time to time, muddy water would still seep into our boots.'
The farmer's son from Tiruchirappalli in Tamil Nadu was not bothered by the work conditions.
'In my village, everyone walked barefooted in the rice fields because we believe the land is sacred as it feeds us.
'Elsewhere, we wear shoes. I'd never heard of soil disease before.'
Then, in November 2006, he felt a 'pulling pain' in his right thigh.
He saw a doctor and was given painkillers. But a week later, he was running a high fever and the pain in his thigh had become unbearable.
His toes were swollen and had turned a purplish colour.
So on 26 Nov, he went to the accident and emergency department of the Singapore General Hospital.
He was diagnosed with the disease, which resulted in multiple organ failure, said his medical report.
Mr Elamurugan recalled: 'I was shocked that such a thing (soil disease) could happen to me.
'I went for a medical test, including blood tests and X-rays, before I could get my work permit. After a year of work, I had another medical test. Both times, I had a clean bill of health.'
After Mr Elamurugan's condition got better, he was transferred to the hospital's Infectious Diseases Unit, where he remained for two months.
He was treated with antibiotics via a drip for more than three weeks before being given a course of oral antibiotics. The pain in his right thigh was due to 'extensive' muscle inflammation and skin infection as a result of the disease.
Meanwhile, his toes had turned from purple to black. The doctor told him the toes had become gangrenous and could not be operated on.
Then came the shock. His toes would most likely 'auto amputate', or drop off on their own, in the next six months.
He said: 'Even when I saw that my toes had turned black, I was confident that the doctors here could save them.
'When I heard my toes would come off, I was shocked. I thought, 'My whole life is gone.' I can't go home to work in the fields because I can't walk properly. I'm still not married... In India, people look at a person from head to toe.'
He was discharged from hospital on 8 Feb 2007, and over the next seven months, he lost all his toes.
Without them, he could not keep his balance and had to use a walking aid supplied by the hospital to get around.
To make matters worse, he found out he was diabetic and his wounds took a longer time to heal. Blood and pus would ooze out as he hobbled around his temporary lodgings.
He said: 'I hardly left my lodgings. All I did was eat, sleep, wash myself and take my tablets. My friends would buy me food. I had no energy because of all the blood lost.'
Mr Elamurugan also faced financial difficulties as his fight for Workmen's Compensation dragged on.
Six months after being hospitalised, he ran out of cash and had to 'beg and borrow' from his friends.
His work permit expired on 26 Feb 2007 and he was given a special permit, allowing him to remain here while settling his compensation claim, but forbidding him from working.
Mr Elamurugan said he used to earn $18 for a day's work from 8.30am to about 8pm. He was paid $25 if he worked overtime.
He lost his job because of his injury and had to move out of his Kranji dormitory. He ended up paying $150 a month for a space under a spiral staircase in a Serangoon shophouse.
He visits the polyclinic once a month and would pay $15 for consultation and $20 to $30 for medicine each time.
Once he gets his compensation money, Mr Elamurugan plans to return home and hopes to seek a herbal cure for his right foot, which is not healing properly.
He also wants to be fitted with prosthetics that will enable him to walk properly so he can work again.
But he said initial enquiries by his family placed the cost for the prosthetics in India at about 15 lakhs ($50,000).
Mr Elamurugan said he wants to repay his lawyer, Mr Pritam Singh Gill, who had given him about $250 a month for living expenses for more than a year.
But Mr Gill said he did not want any repayment. He said: 'I felt so sorry for him. Each time I saw him in my office, he'll tell me that he just lost another toe. I collected a token of appreciation from him for my legal fees and that's enough.'
http://tnp.sg/news/story/0,4136,164313,00.html?
Article from a NewsNation forum. More from Migrant Workers Singapore, a blog that documents local news articles on slavery in Singapore. Horrendous amounts of articles, yet there are so many migrant workers in the past few decades who have died and have not been reported at all, according to my dad who was a foreman and a supervisor in Singapore for over two decades. The police wouldn't even bother to come when migrant workers report subcontractors dumping the bodies of migrant workers who died.
Quite a number of believers I talk to get so bored and disinterested, some not even wanting to know about social injustice in the world. But I know it's just a matter of time God convicts them about being compassionate to everyone like Jesus does. I used to be quite like that until he changed me - praise him! I'll quote this again.
Rescue those being led away to death; hold back those staggering toward slaughter.
If you say, "But we knew nothing about this," does not he who weighs the heart perceive it?
Does not he who guards your life know it?
Will he not repay each person according to what he has done?
Proverbs 24:11-12
The Absent Party, Dec 4
Who dat? Yeah it's me (again). I'm running this benefit-birthday party for the Dalits in India. You might know them as the Untouchables in India. Actually, there are also Unapproachables and Unseeables. The Unapproachables have to keep at least 33 feet away from the higher caste people; and the Unseeables may only come out at between sunset and sunrise. "Dalit" has Sanskrit and Latin origins; in Sanskrit it means 'broken, crushed, oppressed'.
Joseph D. Souza comes to speak at Marcus' church each year, and this year he told a story of how this Dalit girl needed the bathroom so bad she took the fastest route to it even though she knew that route was for higher castes - the Dalits had to take a longer path. When she came out of the bathroom, she was burnt alive.
During summer, this teenage Dalit boy got severely electrocuted accidentally. His relatives rushed him to the hospital after he got hurt. And guess what? He died right there waiting for treatment because the hospital was apparently not legislated to treat Dalits.
This party will be held in conjunction with my 21st birthday (which was earlier this month). Anyone is free to come: there'll be free food and live music. You are NOT SUPPOSED to bring any birthday presents for me. Instead, please give the money to the Dalits instead. 100% of the money will go to O.M. India via O.M. Singapore. O.M. India works directly with the Dalits in India, providing microloans (92% success rate), education, legal advocacy, and vocational training for many Dalits in India. Most importantly, they tell the Dalits about JESUS, who truly sets them free with truth. A quarter of the people in India are Dalits, and I've heard of how O.M. India staff sometimes go without food for a few days because they are underfunded (relatively, when you think of the 1600 million people who need help).
Numerous people think this is a great idea, and I only have God to thank for it. Now I'm feeling for the first time what it means to run a slightly bigger errand on behalf of Someone Else. God is letting me run his party, and there could be so many more eligible candidates for this but...he's letting me run this for his Kingdom! Of course, I want to give this party my best. It's really great to know I'm not overstressed out by God's high expectations, because I know that if he wants me to run his party, he will also provide the best. I have faith that he is.
I posted this last spring but I'll put it up here again.
Rescue those being led away to death; hold back those staggering toward slaughter.
If you say, "But we knew nothing about this," does not he who weighs the heart perceive it?
Does not he who guards your life know it?
Will he not repay each person according to what he has done?
Proverbs 24:11-12
He will defend the afflicted among the people and save the children of the needy; he will crush the oppressor.
Psalm 52:4
they'll be executed in Afghanistan
I got this text this morning at 11.17am:
"Text from Joyce Meyer's head office - There are 22 Christian Missionary families that will be executed by Islamists in Afghanistan. pls forward this message as fast as you can so that many will pray. Luke 21:12-19; Philippians 1:20-21"
"Text from Joyce Meyer's head office - There are 22 Christian Missionary families that will be executed by Islamists in Afghanistan. pls forward this message as fast as you can so that many will pray. Luke 21:12-19; Philippians 1:20-21"
I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.Paul, former noted anti-believers leader who imprisoned believers in 1st c. A.D. He later turned into a powerful servant and preacher after Jesus appeared to him while he was on his way to the Syrian capital, Damascus, to imprison more believers - men, women and children.
Singapore's slavery
The backbone of Singapore's skyscrapers and houses: the BLOOD of innocent men-turned-slaves. What are you doing about it?
Both by Shelley Thio, Transient Workers Count Too (TWC2)
So glad all injustice will end!
Both by Shelley Thio, Transient Workers Count Too (TWC2)
Rescue those being led away to death; hold back those staggering toward slaughter.
If you say, "But we knew nothing about this," does not he who weighs the heart perceive it?
Does not he who guards your life know it?
Will he not repay each person according to what he has done?
Proverbs 24:11-12
He will defend the afflicted among the people and save the children of the needy; he will crush the oppressor.
Psalm 52:4
So glad all injustice will end!
Thinking
So much has happened. I'm tutoring again and I joined the Navigators on campus. The Navigators have mostly been such lovely and humble people and I thank God for them. I finally checked out the new Jurong Point and the college for Martians called N.T.U., and it was such a sweet time of fellowship and nonsense with Mingyan, Joel and Hengyi.
And I want to share my thoughts over the past few months:
Spirit of Excellence
I started this semester with a hypothesis: is school in Singapore really busy, or is it just a matter of perspective? My classes at U of A was the most relaxing ever and I actually enjoyed school for the first time. Sure I had to write lots of essays - ten essays on top of weekly two-page article reflections - and read chapters for a class that was on three times a week, but school was actually fun for the first time. It was just like any other thing you do every day so you enjoy it. For example, I don't spend eight hours a day reading on the mechanics and psychology behind exercise and end up so stressed up when I really hit the stairs.
And after my internship, it became so apparent to me that most of us slog out of fear. We know that quality supersedes quantity, but we fear we'll lose out if our friends study ten hours a day, and we only did six. So we top up the extra four hours by going more in depth. And we fear others will see us as complacent, lazy people if we don't appear to be working all the time. I find this especially so in workplaces where your time is constantly regulated by superiors who secretly check on you. It surely doesn't sound anything like what a believer should do since our worth and Boss is already determined by Jesus Christ (Colossians 3:23-24), but we do it anyway maybe because we're conforming to the world's works = worth principle.
Which is totally unbiblical and illogical, but so mind-blowing to the world. I remember a friend got so offended when another believer friend shared why he did so well in school: "He who trusts in himself is a fool" (Proverbs 28:26a).
So maybe if I didn't overwork myself and idolize school as the (false) determiner of my worth, if I just did what was required of me (workload, critique-ing ideas), I would get school right. I wouldn't be doing it out of fear.
Halfway into the semester, I don't know if what I did was right. But I sure was oblivious of some homework that was due really soon. I still don't know if that was good, but I'm glad God put Ana, Jasmine and Kenneth in my life to show me what it means to be a believer student with the spirit of excellence. They do their work ahead of time, and they're great thinkers. Except that they are so gracious when it comes to accommodating less-motivated students like me...and I think that's the difference between a motivated believer student and a motivated non-believer student. God empowers us through Christ with his Spirit to not be entangled by anything and idolize them.
My average busy-ness has gone up by a notch since fall break ended, and by one more notch since last week. But I'm so amazed that as I strive for excellence in my studies on top of other commitments, God has been so gracious to help me finish homework before deadlines - sometimes a day or two before. I like to think of a semester as some fireworks that ends with a super spectacular release of stress ;) I'm so glad God's putting people around me to help me adjust back to life as a student here.
Jesus in the mess with me
George McBride spoke at the Navigators' about a month ago. Grounding his message on Jesus' washing of the Apostles' feet in John 13, he shared how we can all be in the world, but not of it as long as we dive into the mess with Jesus.
Peter wanted Jesus to clean his hands and head on top of his feet in a fervent desire to share in Jesus' sacred identity, since Jesus said Peter will be part of him otherwise (v8). But Jesus saw that out of the whole body that he already purified, only the feet needed cleaning again. It's our feet that gets dirty when we invest our lives in whom Pious Peter and my previous self would have called the deviants of society. I don't think my old self would have explicitly denied the Gospel to hopeless drunkards and liars who commit sin after sin, but I'd have thought so. After all, I don't want to be in such a dangerous environment that could compromise my own sanctity.
But didn't Jesus already say he would wash my feet when it gets dirty? And my sanctity is not compromised since he'll clean the only part of my person that gets dirty?
Then I was thinking about the horrible times I had when I stayed in a dorm as a freshman. I heard notorious things about that dorm and it was apparently the most notorious of all the dorms. It didn't help that I was staying in the loudest/most notorious block, right next to the stairs that led up to the loudest/most notorious level in that dorm. My bedtime was their 'peak hour' and vice versa, and I tried to fade away into non-existence as the ghost that in that room that always seemed shut. I wanted nothing to do with them because they were such ungodly dudes.
Man I feel so ashamed talking about my misguided opinion on that dorm. I mean, they are such fun and lovely people! For real. I regret not staying in that dorm anymore. And they have so much unsurpassable value in them that Jesus died for them too. It wasn't like I was the only believer in that dorm who was concerned about my relationship with Jesus anyway. If I had Christ in the mess with me, I know Jesus will be so big in all our broken hearts and relentless pursuits of everything else except this true Lover. I know God is doing work in their hearts through other believers in the dorm. He is so good.
Being such a FAIL believer.
Have you ever felt this annoying feeling? You know something is totally right and you should do it, but you don't feel like doing it at all. It's not like I'm still dead in sin and just by nature, expectedly doing all the things that God hates. I have his Spirit in me who gave me new life again and empowers me to break off from this endless cycle of filth and repulsion.
Then I remember 2 Corinthians 7:10, "Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death." It isn't just enough feeling remorse 'metamelomai' but changing my mind 'metanoia' which then changes my actions.
It sure doesn't feel good when I can't do anything no matter how hard I try to tweak my sleep regime so I can spend the first of every day with my Lover. Or try to have sweet fellowship with him, or turn to him when I need help instead of dealing things my way or a friend's way. But instead, I get my head into boys (yeah, boizzz, why why), trying to get work done, try and be noticed on campus. It's like I'm just shouting MEEEEE!!!!! MEEEE!!! ugh.
All this oblivion...I'm OBVIOUSLY forgetting that God is preparing me for something great. He's preparing me for my portion in manifesting the Kingdom. He's preparing me for war against Satan and the world.
But here I am, in Denesh's words, snuggling myself into the seats at the airport terminal and making myself at home, not wanting to board my flight to go home anymore. Sure sounds stupid :(
And I'm so glad God is ever so gracious. Dearest Jon reminded me last night that "warzone is by nature unsettling". In repentance, we need to recognize we can't do anything to turn away from sin. And we're never meant to do it alone, as orphans left in the ditches by a Brother who left in clouds of glory while we suffer here in our flesh and in the world. All I need to do is to ask Jesus to please help me.
Oh dear God, I'm so glad you put SO many godly believers in my life: Jasmine, Limin, Christy, Jon to name a few. Thank you for listening to all our prayers. I don't deserve it at all and I can never pay back your grace.
YOU ARE TOO BEAUTIFULLY WONDERFUL!!!!!
And I want to share my thoughts over the past few months:
Spirit of Excellence
I started this semester with a hypothesis: is school in Singapore really busy, or is it just a matter of perspective? My classes at U of A was the most relaxing ever and I actually enjoyed school for the first time. Sure I had to write lots of essays - ten essays on top of weekly two-page article reflections - and read chapters for a class that was on three times a week, but school was actually fun for the first time. It was just like any other thing you do every day so you enjoy it. For example, I don't spend eight hours a day reading on the mechanics and psychology behind exercise and end up so stressed up when I really hit the stairs.
And after my internship, it became so apparent to me that most of us slog out of fear. We know that quality supersedes quantity, but we fear we'll lose out if our friends study ten hours a day, and we only did six. So we top up the extra four hours by going more in depth. And we fear others will see us as complacent, lazy people if we don't appear to be working all the time. I find this especially so in workplaces where your time is constantly regulated by superiors who secretly check on you. It surely doesn't sound anything like what a believer should do since our worth and Boss is already determined by Jesus Christ (Colossians 3:23-24), but we do it anyway maybe because we're conforming to the world's works = worth principle.
Which is totally unbiblical and illogical, but so mind-blowing to the world. I remember a friend got so offended when another believer friend shared why he did so well in school: "He who trusts in himself is a fool" (Proverbs 28:26a).
So maybe if I didn't overwork myself and idolize school as the (false) determiner of my worth, if I just did what was required of me (workload, critique-ing ideas), I would get school right. I wouldn't be doing it out of fear.
Halfway into the semester, I don't know if what I did was right. But I sure was oblivious of some homework that was due really soon. I still don't know if that was good, but I'm glad God put Ana, Jasmine and Kenneth in my life to show me what it means to be a believer student with the spirit of excellence. They do their work ahead of time, and they're great thinkers. Except that they are so gracious when it comes to accommodating less-motivated students like me...and I think that's the difference between a motivated believer student and a motivated non-believer student. God empowers us through Christ with his Spirit to not be entangled by anything and idolize them.
My average busy-ness has gone up by a notch since fall break ended, and by one more notch since last week. But I'm so amazed that as I strive for excellence in my studies on top of other commitments, God has been so gracious to help me finish homework before deadlines - sometimes a day or two before. I like to think of a semester as some fireworks that ends with a super spectacular release of stress ;) I'm so glad God's putting people around me to help me adjust back to life as a student here.
Jesus in the mess with me
George McBride spoke at the Navigators' about a month ago. Grounding his message on Jesus' washing of the Apostles' feet in John 13, he shared how we can all be in the world, but not of it as long as we dive into the mess with Jesus.
Peter wanted Jesus to clean his hands and head on top of his feet in a fervent desire to share in Jesus' sacred identity, since Jesus said Peter will be part of him otherwise (v8). But Jesus saw that out of the whole body that he already purified, only the feet needed cleaning again. It's our feet that gets dirty when we invest our lives in whom Pious Peter and my previous self would have called the deviants of society. I don't think my old self would have explicitly denied the Gospel to hopeless drunkards and liars who commit sin after sin, but I'd have thought so. After all, I don't want to be in such a dangerous environment that could compromise my own sanctity.
But didn't Jesus already say he would wash my feet when it gets dirty? And my sanctity is not compromised since he'll clean the only part of my person that gets dirty?
Then I was thinking about the horrible times I had when I stayed in a dorm as a freshman. I heard notorious things about that dorm and it was apparently the most notorious of all the dorms. It didn't help that I was staying in the loudest/most notorious block, right next to the stairs that led up to the loudest/most notorious level in that dorm. My bedtime was their 'peak hour' and vice versa, and I tried to fade away into non-existence as the ghost that in that room that always seemed shut. I wanted nothing to do with them because they were such ungodly dudes.
Man I feel so ashamed talking about my misguided opinion on that dorm. I mean, they are such fun and lovely people! For real. I regret not staying in that dorm anymore. And they have so much unsurpassable value in them that Jesus died for them too. It wasn't like I was the only believer in that dorm who was concerned about my relationship with Jesus anyway. If I had Christ in the mess with me, I know Jesus will be so big in all our broken hearts and relentless pursuits of everything else except this true Lover. I know God is doing work in their hearts through other believers in the dorm. He is so good.
Being such a FAIL believer.
Have you ever felt this annoying feeling? You know something is totally right and you should do it, but you don't feel like doing it at all. It's not like I'm still dead in sin and just by nature, expectedly doing all the things that God hates. I have his Spirit in me who gave me new life again and empowers me to break off from this endless cycle of filth and repulsion.
Then I remember 2 Corinthians 7:10, "Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death." It isn't just enough feeling remorse 'metamelomai' but changing my mind 'metanoia' which then changes my actions.
It sure doesn't feel good when I can't do anything no matter how hard I try to tweak my sleep regime so I can spend the first of every day with my Lover. Or try to have sweet fellowship with him, or turn to him when I need help instead of dealing things my way or a friend's way. But instead, I get my head into boys (yeah, boizzz, why why), trying to get work done, try and be noticed on campus. It's like I'm just shouting MEEEEE!!!!! MEEEE!!! ugh.
All this oblivion...I'm OBVIOUSLY forgetting that God is preparing me for something great. He's preparing me for my portion in manifesting the Kingdom. He's preparing me for war against Satan and the world.
But here I am, in Denesh's words, snuggling myself into the seats at the airport terminal and making myself at home, not wanting to board my flight to go home anymore. Sure sounds stupid :(
And I'm so glad God is ever so gracious. Dearest Jon reminded me last night that "warzone is by nature unsettling". In repentance, we need to recognize we can't do anything to turn away from sin. And we're never meant to do it alone, as orphans left in the ditches by a Brother who left in clouds of glory while we suffer here in our flesh and in the world. All I need to do is to ask Jesus to please help me.
Oh dear God, I'm so glad you put SO many godly believers in my life: Jasmine, Limin, Christy, Jon to name a few. Thank you for listening to all our prayers. I don't deserve it at all and I can never pay back your grace.
YOU ARE TOO BEAUTIFULLY WONDERFUL!!!!!
Who among the gods is like you, O LORD? Who is like you— majestic in holiness, awesome in glory, working wonders?
- Moses, the meekest man on Earth, greater than Gandhi, before his death.
some funny no-brainers
A mini-vomit of comics from my favorite people: ToothpasteforDinner and NatalieDee.
toothpastefordinner.com
toothpastefordinner.com
toothpastefordinner.com
nataliedee.com
nataliedee.com
nataliedee.com
nataliedee.com
nataliedee.com
nataliedee.com
Too cute!
toothpastefordinner.com
toothpastefordinner.com
toothpastefordinner.com
nataliedee.com
nataliedee.com
nataliedee.com
nataliedee.com
nataliedee.com
nataliedee.com
Too cute!
Please pray
Please pray for all our friends in Padang (Indonesia) hit by the earthquake, and our friends in the Philippines, and Karnataka and Andhra Pradesh (India) hit by Typhoon Ketsana. I think Ketsana is supposed to either RETURN to the Philippines or hit Taiwan after India. Aid isn't getting through and the Indonesian government is not keen on rescuing people because they've just been digging up bodies.
It dawned upon me that ANYTHING can take the away our lives in a split second. David was done with grieving for a day when his baby died, knowing he'll be heaven. But he refused to be comforted when his dear son Absalom died, because he knew Absalom was not a righteous man before God and Absalom was headed for hell. We can be so happy for believers who are released through death, but not so for our nonbeliever friends and the lost.
Let's live Jesus! The Kingdom is coming and I'm so excited, but time is running out for the lost!!!
It dawned upon me that ANYTHING can take the away our lives in a split second. David was done with grieving for a day when his baby died, knowing he'll be heaven. But he refused to be comforted when his dear son Absalom died, because he knew Absalom was not a righteous man before God and Absalom was headed for hell. We can be so happy for believers who are released through death, but not so for our nonbeliever friends and the lost.
Let's live Jesus! The Kingdom is coming and I'm so excited, but time is running out for the lost!!!
love you.
"My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."
John 15:12-14
It was so great to catch up personally with Si, Joyce, Olie, Steph and Jaytee these two weeks. Coupled with an emotional issue that I was facing, I realized friendship with AA3 is such a lovely thing, and I want it to last forever. I mean it.
Yesterday, I looked through all of the 1294 of my pictures on Facebook (!!!). And I had this feeling welling up in me, not the tears that the man with rickets gave me, but some beautiful feeling. And I want to say I love you.
I love you AA3. I love you because you're in AA3, because we spent two funny years together, and because you are so beautiful and charming as God sees you, just as worthless yet worthy like me for Jesus to die for us to be friends forever.
I want to be friends with you for eternity. I want to be friends with you personally. I want to tell you the Awesome Story. I want to be able to love you so much that if we were one day held hostage, I will die on your behalf, in your place, like my Lover and Friend did. I want to walk with you and love you while we live here, and walk with you and love you like Jesus does...till eternity.
I know I have talked about you once, twice, thrice, four, five, six times. And then for a year and a half, I stopped talking about you and I wasn't really interested in you because I didn't think you were worth my time anymore.
I want to name you just again. To Si, Joyce, Olie, Adiba, Reks, Haz, Arina, Steph, Sam, Mel, Ank, Jaytee, Kenneth, Sher, Simin, Grace, Ches, Ivan, Amos: I love you.
Photos from Sher and Jaytee.
Fall break!
God, thank you for such a great week! It sure was busy spending time with people, and I'm looking forward to yet another day of sweet fellowship and fun! Over this week, I watched Forrest Gump and cried by myself, went for a photography exhibition and the Dead Sea Scrolls exhibition with high school friends, the Navigators Grace Community meeting for juniors, sent Kenneth off to Durham, U.K., learnt a new song, played a lot with the neighbor's cats, finally met a friend's friend, on top of another friend, and jammed with friends for the first time. In addition to school, which made school life fun.
Fall break's started! Since I'm not going anywhere, here's my plan:
Get back to 12-8 + nap regime.
Make one craft with my sister.
H.I.I.T. the stairs!!! and cycle around.
Meet friends.
Read.
Do what I want for fun.
Homework.
Excited!
Fall break's started! Since I'm not going anywhere, here's my plan:
Get back to 12-8 + nap regime.
Make one craft with my sister.
H.I.I.T. the stairs!!! and cycle around.
Meet friends.
Read.
Do what I want for fun.
Homework.
Excited!
Our Job as Gardenkeepers
What does the creational mandate mean for us believers today?
Does the Great Commission replace it by emphasizing spiritual multiplication over physical lineage?
Since 2 Peter 3 tells us all creation is going to be dissolved away in fire in the future, do we stop taking care of God's creation? Or do we let forests burn, mock at recycling campaigns, and ignore abused animals?
Perhaps believers who believe we can abandon the creation mandate (in its literal sense) are trying to avoid the humanist, social gospel in the 1980's and 90's that prized physical needs over Jesus Christ as the means to 'make the world a better place'.
But God would be quite a deceptionist if he let me feel the way I did today. While on my way to school, I saw a three-week-old-ish kitten wet, lonely and mewing very loudly in the drain. It was most probably carried off by the morning rain. For a kitten the size of my short-fingered palm, it must have been terrifying. Immediately and instinctively, I wanted to help Kitty. I wanted to grab a towel and buy cat's milk and skip class and bring it home.
Turned out there are were three others washed further down the drain, and they were 'adopted' by a few girls who live in the vicinity. For a while, I was worried and hoped the kids take care of the kittens properly.
And just a while ago, I finally saw my neighbor's cats again after they went into hiding for a few days from a stray cat who wanted to fight with one of them. I play with them so they come to me. When we heard that street cat calling, the cats hid for a while but they ended not being afraid, because they knew I was around. And I was bigger and more powerful than that street cat, like God promised when he restated to Noah's family the command to multiply and rule over His creation.
Maybe I'm not making much sense because my thoughts are preliminary. But I want to know what God says about environmentalism and loving animals. It's pretty obvious why, but I want to know how to defend it.
I don't know how to do up captions, but that's cute lil Ginger of Little Chapel after an hour of 'quiet time' with her, and this is sky...in Singapore!
How can I be quiet?
"Thrice, thrice are we the debtors of the heathen world.
Debtors — for we possess what they have not.
Debtors — for we have kept back for centuries what should have been given them with generous hand.
Debtors — for instead of a loaf we have given a stone, instead of a fish a serpent!
This weary world cries out for rest — rest which, though it knows not, can alone be found upon the bosom of God.
Its cry is well-nigh unheeded by the majority in Christian lands.
This wretched world exclaims for peace — peace which, though it knows not, can only be found through the blood of Christ.
Lo! We poison them with spirit; we drug them with opium.
Christians! Let us arise and shake off from us the dust of inactivity. Let us to Calvary’s hill. Behold He dies!
Shall we pass by with heart not wholly won, with life not fully yielded, a grace so special and a love so true?
No! It must not — cannot be!
His love, His dying love, shall constrain us; it shall put devotion into our lives; shall stamp upon our hearts the “All for Jesus” cry; it shall awake us trumpet-tongued from the grave of sloth, to the risen life of gladsome service.
Christians! Hark we to His word: “All power is given unto Me in heaven and in earth.”
Christians! Look we upon the open field! Africa, South America, India, China, the ocean isles which “God so loved;” for which Christ died.
And then—the marching orders — His last command that knows no compromise: “Go ye! And make disciples of all nations.”
Who will miss the privilege of obedience?"
Montagu Beauchamp of the Cambridge Seven writes in Days of Blessings in Inland China (1886).
Can I silence Jesus from my thoughts or my life? How can I be quiet about him, who "loved me and gave himself for me"?
Debtors — for we possess what they have not.
Debtors — for we have kept back for centuries what should have been given them with generous hand.
Debtors — for instead of a loaf we have given a stone, instead of a fish a serpent!
This weary world cries out for rest — rest which, though it knows not, can alone be found upon the bosom of God.
Its cry is well-nigh unheeded by the majority in Christian lands.
This wretched world exclaims for peace — peace which, though it knows not, can only be found through the blood of Christ.
Lo! We poison them with spirit; we drug them with opium.
Christians! Let us arise and shake off from us the dust of inactivity. Let us to Calvary’s hill. Behold He dies!
Shall we pass by with heart not wholly won, with life not fully yielded, a grace so special and a love so true?
No! It must not — cannot be!
His love, His dying love, shall constrain us; it shall put devotion into our lives; shall stamp upon our hearts the “All for Jesus” cry; it shall awake us trumpet-tongued from the grave of sloth, to the risen life of gladsome service.
Christians! Hark we to His word: “All power is given unto Me in heaven and in earth.”
Christians! Look we upon the open field! Africa, South America, India, China, the ocean isles which “God so loved;” for which Christ died.
And then—the marching orders — His last command that knows no compromise: “Go ye! And make disciples of all nations.”
Who will miss the privilege of obedience?"
Montagu Beauchamp of the Cambridge Seven writes in Days of Blessings in Inland China (1886).
Can I silence Jesus from my thoughts or my life? How can I be quiet about him, who "loved me and gave himself for me"?
The Broken Ones
By the Talley Trio. Love!
Maggie came home one day with a raggedy, raggedy Ann.
She said " Mama, look what I found in the neighbor's garbage can."
It had a missing left arm, and a right button eye hangin' by a thread
She carried it gently up to her room and laid it on her bed
With her other dolls.
She loves the broken ones, the ones that need a little patchin' up
She sees the diamond in the rough and makes it shine like new
It really doesn't take that much, a willing heart and a tender touch
If everybody loved like she does, there'd be a lot less broken ones.
Twenty years later at a shelter on Eighteenth Avenue
A seventeen year old girl shows up all black and blue
Needle tracks in her left arm, almost too weak to stand,
She says,"I'm lost and I need help", as Maggie takes her hand
And says, "Come on in!"
She loves the broken ones, the ones that need a little patchin' up
She sees the diamond in the rough and makes it shine like new
It really doesn't take that much, a willing heart and a tender touch
If everybody loved like she does, there'd be a lot less broken ones.
If you called her an angel, she'll be quick to say to you
She's just doing what the one who died for her would do:
Love the broken ones, the ones that need a little patchin' up
See the diamond in the rough and make it shine like new
It really doesn't take that much, a willing heart and a tender touch
If everybody loved like he does, there'd be a lot less broken ones.
If everybody loved like he does, there'd be a lot less broken ones.
萧敬腾and the new semester
The best Taiwanese singer now in my opinion.
And my goal for this semester is to not study too hard. I don't mean being irresponsible, but doing what I think is enough. I think school is fun for me when it's just like another thing to do each day, like exercise, blogging, sleeping, cycling around with my sis. Let's see how long I can keep that up: a classmate advised me not to "think too slow" after I couldn't come up with a research topic for an essay minutes after the introductory class ended ;)
And my goal for this semester is to not study too hard. I don't mean being irresponsible, but doing what I think is enough. I think school is fun for me when it's just like another thing to do each day, like exercise, blogging, sleeping, cycling around with my sis. Let's see how long I can keep that up: a classmate advised me not to "think too slow" after I couldn't come up with a research topic for an essay minutes after the introductory class ended ;)
Up
I just watched Up! What a tear-jerker! I think this is the best cartoon movie so far when it comes to making me feel the emotional intensity in the movie (followed by Prince of Egypt). Thanks to my dear brother who treated us three siblings and Geraldine. I really liked it. In many ways, we grew up like Ellie, but as we 'faced reality', we phased her out and became old Carl. Perhaps when we loosen our grasp on our own floating houses, things will mysteriously fall in place. What an inspiring movie, on top of its humor and cute characters.
Ellie owns it here because I really liked her for being Carl's amazing life force!
Losing my Religion
For the first time, I read a book by Greg Boyd. And boy, it is so difficult! The reading was so lively and accessible and I've come to realize why. It definitely is difficult to live out because it is Jesus' way, yet it sounds so extremely exciting to live Kingdom life, which will fully manifest itself when Jesus comes again. On another note - I felt, for a number of times, an urge to cover the front cover with my bookmark when I read in public places because the title sounded anti-Jesus. But then I eventually stopped covering it so people could see the subtitle too: Losing Your Religion for the Beauty of a Revolution. That should do.
On Wealth and Poverty
I don't agree with a few minor points in this book, but out of the many, many things from this book that enlightened me and got me excited about living Kingdom life is revolting against poverty and greed. Jesus says that my heart is where my treasure is (Matthew 6:20-21), and Randy Alcorn totally changed my perspective on money by rightly
pointing out that we accumulate treasure in where we think it's going to last. No one in their right mind buys furniture for the hotel they're staying in while on vacation. Up till this March, I bought many dresses, blouses (unfortunately, many are immodest), heels and makeup. I'm a sporadic shopper. I don't shop frequently, but I splurge when I do. As a citizen of the Kingdom to come, it now makes no sense to me to pile up treasure on earth, especially when I'm definitely going to die and leave this pitstop for home.
So what follows my changed perspective? If I'm going out the next day, I pack my things and pick out the outfit I'll wear the night before. And I think for most of the time, what I wear should reflect this Kingdom perspective. I make an effort to spend money on others and God's kingdom. I resist the temptation to just 'buy something since I'm here at the mall' so I can measure how well my time at the mall paid off. I don't look at things in the mall and imagine how they would increase my worth by making me prettier, look more fashionable, more middle-class, more conservative and whatnot. And then lament on the fact that life is a little less awesome in reality because I don't really want to spend the money on that dress or bag.
Something was wrong.
Still, there was a big problem. My revolt against poverty and greed was beginning to look like ascetism. God created the heavens and the earth, complete with fruit-bearing trees so that Man and Woman could enjoy it in abundance. The Preacher tells me that for all the toil and "meaningless" living on earth, we are to embrace it and enjoy the fruit of our labor (Ecclesiastes 9: 9). Yet I was becoming stingy, unwilling to chip in to any more expensive but very unimpressive twenty-firsts birthday presents, since every dollar I save could feed so many more impoverished people, save so many more girls from forced prostitution and reclaim so much land that capitalists have snatched from poor farmers.
So when Greg said the memory of that Haitian boy scavenging through a three foot-high pile of garbage in Cité Soleil haunted him for each dollar he was going to spend on non-survival related stuff, I couldn't agree less. Guilt was beginning to consume my compassion, and as much as I thought I wasn't judging people, I felt dismayed towards those who were not living simply too. As Greg pointed out, Jesus' first miracle was for a party (!!!). He rebuked Judas for the costly perfume Mary poured on his feet and was often feasting with his disciples and other people, while there were just as many beggars and destitute people on the streets as there are now.
It makes sense to me that Greg said guilt comes when I try to take too much responsibility. These destitute and needy peoples are God's first, and my responsibility second. I can trust that God, being the God of abundance and source of all blessings, to take care of every one of them. And I'll continue help out in areas where I have been convicted to help in, where God has given me the responsibility to do so.
Also, my God is the God of Abundance. God showers his love on me - providing bare essentials is not his modus operandi (cf Philippians 4:19, 1 Timothy 6:17). I'd like to quote Greg at length.
2 Corinthians 9:8 also says that abundance comes before self-sacrificial giving, and comes as a result of it, so I may always be doing good work since I'm living a very good life. Now I could choose between Package Guilt and Package Enjoyment: Guilt, with a dash of Judgmentalism, a cup of Constant Comparison and three cups of Pseudo-mere Survival vs. Enjoyment, and plenty of Thankfulness, Compassion, Joy and Trust. Needless to say which one!
My Jesus of Compassion
I increasingly appreciate poor people, uneducated people, intellectually or socially challenged people, gangsters, terrorists, delinquents, school dropouts, and other social 'deviants', because my primary job, following Jesus' example, is to believe and live the fact that every of these individuals have unsurpassable worth. Jesus died for them "just as he died for us" (112). Meritocracy has its merits, but sells the lies of freedom and equality. Meritocracy is not the answer; Jesus is. Their worth is not determined by their salary, nor their jobs, how they speak or what they believe in. They are not worthier, or less worthy than me because Jesus humbled himself to cruelty, oppression and lowliness for the glue-sniffing boy at the park, the President of Luxembourg, the serial rapist on death sentence, and me.
I'm from the working class. We try to live like we're from the middle class and most people believe it. For the past eleven years, I was ashamed of my family because they are people disenfranchised by the English, literacy-based system of today. My brothers hang out with social deviants because they are one themselves.
Can I say they experience so much frustration and sadness from the world and, shockingly, the Church?
I was one of these 'church people' myself. I judged them, felt they deserved the love-less treatment they were getting from the world and the Church because they chose to be socially and spiritually inferior. I couldn't wait for God's disciplining to come because they seemed so hard-hearted against every kind of punishment or coaxing my parents and I did - Why did I punish my brothers? You can see this self-righteousness can get so perverse: I genuinely thought my methods were even better than my parents'. I tried not to walk close with them and my parents or talk to them in public...until I believed a few months ago that Jesus loves them not more or less than he loves me. How radical can this be!
My Life source?
As Boethius says in Consolatio Philosophiae, people may resort to evil or do acts of compassion, but all strive for Goodness. Not all ways lead to Goodness, but the desire for it is undeniable. Greg calls these different ways our Life sources. From these sources, we find purpose in life, and our life revolves around them. This can be something as outright-ly reviled by evangelicals as pornography and lust, to something inherently good such as right doctrines. Right doctrines! Like Greg, Jerry Bridges and Tom Blangiardo say, we get the adrenaline rush, the racing heart, the butterfly in the stomach and we end up almost yelling in theological debates if our Life source is the right doctrine. Whenever I felt like that debating or 'sharing' Christian-y stuff, it was often something very ill-informed and foolish like "Worship music with drums glorifies God less because God prefers the organ and music set to chords, like hymns", or "Calvinists are the real believers while Arminians are humanists who use God's Word for their own interests". I was bent on winning, so the more I smelt victory the more excited I was. And this is also why I wasn't really open to listening and considering my friend's views. The truth didn't matter since winning was my Life source. You could imagine it was always unloving.
Even when whatever right doctrines God has been showing me, and whatever I've experienced of his love is inherently God-glorifying, good and true, I'm still an idolater should this become my Life source. God is perfect, and in him we find perfect goodness - that's why we call him God, not some name we give to another dude like us. God is Goodness, and he is the only Life source that totally satisfies and is right. And again, I'm reminded of sin's deceitfulness because even the right doctrines can replace God as my Life source?! Let's cling on to God, the Giver of Living Water and Bread.
Christus Amor
Time and again, I can't believe how love answers every trouble or question I have. I'm convinced that we can always start off from God's love for us through Jesus.
"And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. 17In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him."
-- John the Apostle
On Wealth and Poverty
I don't agree with a few minor points in this book, but out of the many, many things from this book that enlightened me and got me excited about living Kingdom life is revolting against poverty and greed. Jesus says that my heart is where my treasure is (Matthew 6:20-21), and Randy Alcorn totally changed my perspective on money by rightly
pointing out that we accumulate treasure in where we think it's going to last. No one in their right mind buys furniture for the hotel they're staying in while on vacation. Up till this March, I bought many dresses, blouses (unfortunately, many are immodest), heels and makeup. I'm a sporadic shopper. I don't shop frequently, but I splurge when I do. As a citizen of the Kingdom to come, it now makes no sense to me to pile up treasure on earth, especially when I'm definitely going to die and leave this pitstop for home.
So what follows my changed perspective? If I'm going out the next day, I pack my things and pick out the outfit I'll wear the night before. And I think for most of the time, what I wear should reflect this Kingdom perspective. I make an effort to spend money on others and God's kingdom. I resist the temptation to just 'buy something since I'm here at the mall' so I can measure how well my time at the mall paid off. I don't look at things in the mall and imagine how they would increase my worth by making me prettier, look more fashionable, more middle-class, more conservative and whatnot. And then lament on the fact that life is a little less awesome in reality because I don't really want to spend the money on that dress or bag.
Something was wrong.
Still, there was a big problem. My revolt against poverty and greed was beginning to look like ascetism. God created the heavens and the earth, complete with fruit-bearing trees so that Man and Woman could enjoy it in abundance. The Preacher tells me that for all the toil and "meaningless" living on earth, we are to embrace it and enjoy the fruit of our labor (Ecclesiastes 9: 9). Yet I was becoming stingy, unwilling to chip in to any more expensive but very unimpressive twenty-firsts birthday presents, since every dollar I save could feed so many more impoverished people, save so many more girls from forced prostitution and reclaim so much land that capitalists have snatched from poor farmers.
So when Greg said the memory of that Haitian boy scavenging through a three foot-high pile of garbage in Cité Soleil haunted him for each dollar he was going to spend on non-survival related stuff, I couldn't agree less. Guilt was beginning to consume my compassion, and as much as I thought I wasn't judging people, I felt dismayed towards those who were not living simply too. As Greg pointed out, Jesus' first miracle was for a party (!!!). He rebuked Judas for the costly perfume Mary poured on his feet and was often feasting with his disciples and other people, while there were just as many beggars and destitute people on the streets as there are now.
It makes sense to me that Greg said guilt comes when I try to take too much responsibility. These destitute and needy peoples are God's first, and my responsibility second. I can trust that God, being the God of abundance and source of all blessings, to take care of every one of them. And I'll continue help out in areas where I have been convicted to help in, where God has given me the responsibility to do so.
Also, my God is the God of Abundance. God showers his love on me - providing bare essentials is not his modus operandi (cf Philippians 4:19, 1 Timothy 6:17). I'd like to quote Greg at length.
If the Kingdom of God is about manifesting God's will "on earth as it is in heaven", and if Jesus manifested God's Kingdom perfectly, then it must be the case that it's God will for people to enjoy nonessential things, celebrate weddings, kick back with friends at parties, share an abundance of wine and food, and worship God extravagantly...Jesus wasn't taking a break from the Kingdom when he celebrated nonessential things: he was just manifesting...[its] abundance (139-140).
2 Corinthians 9:8 also says that abundance comes before self-sacrificial giving, and comes as a result of it, so I may always be doing good work since I'm living a very good life. Now I could choose between Package Guilt and Package Enjoyment: Guilt, with a dash of Judgmentalism, a cup of Constant Comparison and three cups of Pseudo-mere Survival vs. Enjoyment, and plenty of Thankfulness, Compassion, Joy and Trust. Needless to say which one!
My Jesus of Compassion
I increasingly appreciate poor people, uneducated people, intellectually or socially challenged people, gangsters, terrorists, delinquents, school dropouts, and other social 'deviants', because my primary job, following Jesus' example, is to believe and live the fact that every of these individuals have unsurpassable worth. Jesus died for them "just as he died for us" (112). Meritocracy has its merits, but sells the lies of freedom and equality. Meritocracy is not the answer; Jesus is. Their worth is not determined by their salary, nor their jobs, how they speak or what they believe in. They are not worthier, or less worthy than me because Jesus humbled himself to cruelty, oppression and lowliness for the glue-sniffing boy at the park, the President of Luxembourg, the serial rapist on death sentence, and me.
I'm from the working class. We try to live like we're from the middle class and most people believe it. For the past eleven years, I was ashamed of my family because they are people disenfranchised by the English, literacy-based system of today. My brothers hang out with social deviants because they are one themselves.
Can I say they experience so much frustration and sadness from the world and, shockingly, the Church?
I was one of these 'church people' myself. I judged them, felt they deserved the love-less treatment they were getting from the world and the Church because they chose to be socially and spiritually inferior. I couldn't wait for God's disciplining to come because they seemed so hard-hearted against every kind of punishment or coaxing my parents and I did - Why did I punish my brothers? You can see this self-righteousness can get so perverse: I genuinely thought my methods were even better than my parents'. I tried not to walk close with them and my parents or talk to them in public...until I believed a few months ago that Jesus loves them not more or less than he loves me. How radical can this be!
My Life source?
As Boethius says in Consolatio Philosophiae, people may resort to evil or do acts of compassion, but all strive for Goodness. Not all ways lead to Goodness, but the desire for it is undeniable. Greg calls these different ways our Life sources. From these sources, we find purpose in life, and our life revolves around them. This can be something as outright-ly reviled by evangelicals as pornography and lust, to something inherently good such as right doctrines. Right doctrines! Like Greg, Jerry Bridges and Tom Blangiardo say, we get the adrenaline rush, the racing heart, the butterfly in the stomach and we end up almost yelling in theological debates if our Life source is the right doctrine. Whenever I felt like that debating or 'sharing' Christian-y stuff, it was often something very ill-informed and foolish like "Worship music with drums glorifies God less because God prefers the organ and music set to chords, like hymns", or "Calvinists are the real believers while Arminians are humanists who use God's Word for their own interests". I was bent on winning, so the more I smelt victory the more excited I was. And this is also why I wasn't really open to listening and considering my friend's views. The truth didn't matter since winning was my Life source. You could imagine it was always unloving.
Even when whatever right doctrines God has been showing me, and whatever I've experienced of his love is inherently God-glorifying, good and true, I'm still an idolater should this become my Life source. God is perfect, and in him we find perfect goodness - that's why we call him God, not some name we give to another dude like us. God is Goodness, and he is the only Life source that totally satisfies and is right. And again, I'm reminded of sin's deceitfulness because even the right doctrines can replace God as my Life source?! Let's cling on to God, the Giver of Living Water and Bread.
Christus Amor
Time and again, I can't believe how love answers every trouble or question I have. I'm convinced that we can always start off from God's love for us through Jesus.
"And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. 17In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him."
-- John the Apostle
Deut. 32:3-4
Can I be honest today?
My heart's been heavy since coming back to Singapore. I cry a lot. Three-quarters of the time I wish I didn't have to come back to face problems...alone, in Singapore, for part of it. You've probably experienced this before in your own way. An ancient old man who called himself The Preacher told me there are no new things under the sun though we may feel otherwise. The same things happen to different people across different generations.
Have you felt lonely, stressful and afraid? Lonely because the friends who listen or stand by, and possibly empathize are few. Stressful and afraid because the line between living Jesus' way and going astray is so fine. Satan attacks and is waiting for pride and idolatry to topple me over into his gaping mouth; God shows me answers and lovely love, and promises to satisfy me through and through when I thirst for him and seek him.
I feel some things happening to me now are such injustices. But God reminded me of a song that a weak and great man sang on the day he died, "I will proclaim the name of the LORD. Oh, praise the greatness of our God! He is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is he."
It's awesome that my God is just, rewarding good and punishing bad. This is the God I know who will address all grievances and injustices of the world, from Abel, the first murder victim of mankind, Uriah the Hittite, the Sawis and their enemies, the Jamaican slaves who worked to death in merchant ships or sugar cane fields, to the Holocaust Jews and the many men, women and children who are mutilated physically and emotionally through various kinds of exploitation, under the power of bloodthirsty people.
Part of my plight now is a consequence of my previous foolish and selfish ways. God is just, and it's waaayyy more than awesome that his justice is bound in his goodness. That he heals my grievous heart every day as I seek him, giving me the words to speak wisely and graciously when I am afraid. He tells me his works are "perfect" and "all" his ways are just. It's not just the end result that's full of justice, but even the process of it - the entire way, the road leading up to that destination. And if I thirst continually for righteousness, I will be vindicated while walking on this road of justice. But if I give myself over to anger, jealousy, selfishness and judgmentalism, I will be disciplined and broken again, so I'd stop slapping Dad's hand away from the wounds that would have festered and rot long enough.
What can I do? Time and again, God tells me this...to praise him. And urge other believers strongly to praise him too, so strong it's an imperative, a command. To faithfully relish in his love and be overwhelmed by his goodness, and faithfully love one another, share Jesus with many broken souls, and disciple. God, you do no wrong, upright and just are you. Isn't that mindblowingly wonderful?
My heart's been heavy since coming back to Singapore. I cry a lot. Three-quarters of the time I wish I didn't have to come back to face problems...alone, in Singapore, for part of it. You've probably experienced this before in your own way. An ancient old man who called himself The Preacher told me there are no new things under the sun though we may feel otherwise. The same things happen to different people across different generations.
Have you felt lonely, stressful and afraid? Lonely because the friends who listen or stand by, and possibly empathize are few. Stressful and afraid because the line between living Jesus' way and going astray is so fine. Satan attacks and is waiting for pride and idolatry to topple me over into his gaping mouth; God shows me answers and lovely love, and promises to satisfy me through and through when I thirst for him and seek him.
I feel some things happening to me now are such injustices. But God reminded me of a song that a weak and great man sang on the day he died, "I will proclaim the name of the LORD. Oh, praise the greatness of our God! He is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is he."
It's awesome that my God is just, rewarding good and punishing bad. This is the God I know who will address all grievances and injustices of the world, from Abel, the first murder victim of mankind, Uriah the Hittite, the Sawis and their enemies, the Jamaican slaves who worked to death in merchant ships or sugar cane fields, to the Holocaust Jews and the many men, women and children who are mutilated physically and emotionally through various kinds of exploitation, under the power of bloodthirsty people.
Part of my plight now is a consequence of my previous foolish and selfish ways. God is just, and it's waaayyy more than awesome that his justice is bound in his goodness. That he heals my grievous heart every day as I seek him, giving me the words to speak wisely and graciously when I am afraid. He tells me his works are "perfect" and "all" his ways are just. It's not just the end result that's full of justice, but even the process of it - the entire way, the road leading up to that destination. And if I thirst continually for righteousness, I will be vindicated while walking on this road of justice. But if I give myself over to anger, jealousy, selfishness and judgmentalism, I will be disciplined and broken again, so I'd stop slapping Dad's hand away from the wounds that would have festered and rot long enough.
What can I do? Time and again, God tells me this...to praise him. And urge other believers strongly to praise him too, so strong it's an imperative, a command. To faithfully relish in his love and be overwhelmed by his goodness, and faithfully love one another, share Jesus with many broken souls, and disciple. God, you do no wrong, upright and just are you. Isn't that mindblowingly wonderful?
Let me die!
Jesus is Hard to Enjoy
Pete Hammond
I seek comfort – He invites me to join in his suffering.
I like acceptance and approval – He calls me to be counter-cultural.
I assume my right to safety – He calls me to personal risk.
I desire financial security – He encourages generosity.
I cherish privacy – He invites me into community.
I yearn for personal significance – he made himself “of no reputation.”
I hide for fear of being judged and rejected – He knows me fully and loves me.
I really like my pillow – He had no place to lay his head.
I want to prolong a healthy life – He calls me to die daily.
I hide in macho male bravado – He weeps for others.
I love good regular meals – He feeds others.
I ponder doctrine – He practices love.
I crave success – He wants me to oppose evil at all costs.
I seek out important people – He befriends the despised and rejected.
Jesus is hard to enjoy,
But what I find deep within me is much worse.
“Let this mind be in you which was in Christ Jesus,
Who though he was in the form of God,
did not regard equality with God as something to be explited,
but emptied himself, taking the form of a slave,
being born in human likeness, and being found in human form,
he humbled himself and became obedient to the point of death,
even death on a cross.”
(Paul to the Philippians in Philippians 2:5-9)
Lord, help me make choices in my journey that lead
to becoming like Jesus;
by breaking the hold of sin and evil within me,
resisting my appetite for comfort, popularity and worldly success,
so I can find real joy in Jesus!
-------
Why have there been so much tears? Jesus, help me die every single day...please teach me to live your way, please!
Pete Hammond
I seek comfort – He invites me to join in his suffering.
I like acceptance and approval – He calls me to be counter-cultural.
I assume my right to safety – He calls me to personal risk.
I desire financial security – He encourages generosity.
I cherish privacy – He invites me into community.
I yearn for personal significance – he made himself “of no reputation.”
I hide for fear of being judged and rejected – He knows me fully and loves me.
I really like my pillow – He had no place to lay his head.
I want to prolong a healthy life – He calls me to die daily.
I hide in macho male bravado – He weeps for others.
I love good regular meals – He feeds others.
I ponder doctrine – He practices love.
I crave success – He wants me to oppose evil at all costs.
I seek out important people – He befriends the despised and rejected.
Jesus is hard to enjoy,
But what I find deep within me is much worse.
“Let this mind be in you which was in Christ Jesus,
Who though he was in the form of God,
did not regard equality with God as something to be explited,
but emptied himself, taking the form of a slave,
being born in human likeness, and being found in human form,
he humbled himself and became obedient to the point of death,
even death on a cross.”
(Paul to the Philippians in Philippians 2:5-9)
Lord, help me make choices in my journey that lead
to becoming like Jesus;
by breaking the hold of sin and evil within me,
resisting my appetite for comfort, popularity and worldly success,
so I can find real joy in Jesus!
-------
Why have there been so much tears? Jesus, help me die every single day...please teach me to live your way, please!
Isa
I just got home..it was raining pretty heavily and since I had my bike, I had to go through the thick with her under the rain, up the long slope on Dairy Farm. Maybe I forget how often it rains in Singapore and so I wouldn't always be able to get my share of fun cycling.
Unless I make a huge bubblewrap thing around the whole bike. I'd be FORMIDABLE. HOHO.
I read a missions booklet, and on the fact that God has already accepted Jesus/Isa as a payment for our sins for 2000 years, it asked,
And the answer was
His life for mine!
Unless I make a huge bubblewrap thing around the whole bike. I'd be FORMIDABLE. HOHO.
I read a missions booklet, and on the fact that God has already accepted Jesus/Isa as a payment for our sins for 2000 years, it asked,
How can it be that...
...nearly a billion souls perform rituals and bring sacrifices to more than 330 million deities ...
... 1.3 billion Muslims prostrate themselves in prayer toward Mecca five times a day ...
... a sun worshipper stares into the rising sun until he eventually goes blind ...
... thousands of devout Buddhists renounce everything into life, leave their families and become monks, owning nothing but a saffron robe and a begging bowl ...
...why?
And the answer was
"Because they sincerely seek forgiveness of sins. And because they are part of nearly 3 billion people living today who are waiting to hear the Gospel."
His life for mine!
A Tribute to Broccoli etc
I'm home, it's strange. Part of trade-off is TERRIBLE: anchovies for broccoli?! I'd rather keep the most nutritious veggie than super crunchy fried sodium/calcium :((
Also, in coming back, I traded off the sky for claustrophobic living, singing birds to occasionally shrieking mynahs, Ginger for a skin-and-bone, abused neighbor's cat, talking to anyone on the street for 'pretend-to-ignore' Confucians, desert heat for hair-frizzing humidity, workout companions for running the stairs in solitude, simple and wholesome eating to erratic and overly-flavorful meals, occasional roaches to many roaches, mosquitoes, lizards and ants, the leisurely lifestyle for an absurdly intense and performance-based one (When I was at Narita airport in Tokyo, this man with speaking in a distinctively Singaporean accent told his friends to 'concentrate' all the bags in one area, and that they should only walk around for 10 minutes while he was going to 'orientate' himself for 5minutes when he meant 'window-shopping').
Is the Beautiful Country, as the Chinese call it, superior to home?
In some ways, I wish home would be closer to God's creation and appreciative of God's providence, and less holed up in man-made prison cells, slogging their lives away in order to, apparently, survive in a competitive world. And God was so gracious to have let me experience that in a small, special desert college town in the US.
But I also know home is home. This is where God has put me in to continue nesting my life in at least for the next six years. This is where I grew up, where I realized I was so filthy and cried and started following Jesus, where I became intelligent enough to appreciate knowledge and delve into God's Word. I'm not talking about national pride - my citizenship is in heaven. But I know this is where half of the world's Muslim population is, where brothers and sisters have lovingly poured their lives and resources into, where many unreached peoples are... So Singapore is a special place.
I remember Paul's instructions to the Thessalonians:
Also, in coming back, I traded off the sky for claustrophobic living, singing birds to occasionally shrieking mynahs, Ginger for a skin-and-bone, abused neighbor's cat, talking to anyone on the street for 'pretend-to-ignore' Confucians, desert heat for hair-frizzing humidity, workout companions for running the stairs in solitude, simple and wholesome eating to erratic and overly-flavorful meals, occasional roaches to many roaches, mosquitoes, lizards and ants, the leisurely lifestyle for an absurdly intense and performance-based one (When I was at Narita airport in Tokyo, this man with speaking in a distinctively Singaporean accent told his friends to 'concentrate' all the bags in one area, and that they should only walk around for 10 minutes while he was going to 'orientate' himself for 5minutes when he meant 'window-shopping').
Is the Beautiful Country, as the Chinese call it, superior to home?
In some ways, I wish home would be closer to God's creation and appreciative of God's providence, and less holed up in man-made prison cells, slogging their lives away in order to, apparently, survive in a competitive world. And God was so gracious to have let me experience that in a small, special desert college town in the US.
But I also know home is home. This is where God has put me in to continue nesting my life in at least for the next six years. This is where I grew up, where I realized I was so filthy and cried and started following Jesus, where I became intelligent enough to appreciate knowledge and delve into God's Word. I'm not talking about national pride - my citizenship is in heaven. But I know this is where half of the world's Muslim population is, where brothers and sisters have lovingly poured their lives and resources into, where many unreached peoples are... So Singapore is a special place.
I remember Paul's instructions to the Thessalonians:
Rejoice evermore. Pray without ceasing. In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.
Mighty to change hearts!
Samaritan's Purse | Iraq | Operation Christmas Child | Turning Brokenness into Blessing
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God of compassion, your cry of love rings out across the lands!
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"Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, "The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field."
Matthew 9:35-38
God of compassion, your cry of love rings out across the lands!
Two things
What I've been learning recently:
I didn't really fear God, though I thought I did.
It is so easy to think it's the big things that matter because it's the major things that matter. But Jesus again reminds me of the perfect standard of holiness that God demands from all believers. Lk. 16:10 "Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much." Fearing God didn't seem much an issue since the Gospel is all the rage now. While being "Gospel-centred" draws us to Jesus as the heart of our lives, our living, our pursuit for holiness, I had singularized its focus on forgiveness and gratuitous justification into the only concern for my life from now on. I had thought that was the only means for Christian hedonism, but I had ignored the many verses in the Bible that call us to fear God if we want Him to be pleased. Also, I had replaced a life-changing pursuit of God for intellectual Christianity: a voracious appetite for reading Christian books and acquiring theology which didn't change my life.
Here's how I didn't fear God: suppressing my conscience and privatizing or culturalizing biblical imperatives. God blesses us with material wealth so that we could use it for His ministry, but in my reluctance to part with fashionable clothes, fancy gadgets and hanging out at unnecessarily expensive restaurants and cafes, I decided to see only some people who live comfortable lives have been called to give. So many human rights and social justice campaigns call for alleviating poverty in different parts of the world - they got one thing right: anyone who does not have to fret over food, shelter and water, but have home phones and cell phones, Internet access, a computer, a decent variety of clothes, access to transportation etc are rich. What we try to do in defense is to deflect God's call for us all who are rich to give to cultural standards of wealth. "Look at him, why don't you ask him to give instead of me? He's richer than I am. I have a Toyota but he drives a Lexus!". If the world is not our home - us being strangers that are in the "contrast society" as Greg Boyd calls it - why use our money as though our home is on earth and we are here to stay?
I can share the many other areas I have allowed myself to remain conformed to the world, but that would take all day and I want to go to bed because something exciting is happening again tomorrow! Also, you might be bored to tears, haha. My point is, it seems to me that deliberately conforming to the world, thereby quelling the Holy Spirit's provocation on one's conscience, is a way of not fearing God. Sin is trivialized: gluttony, chocolate addiction, determining one's life's worth by how updated he is with movies and how many DVDs he bought, scandalizing others, pornography, immodesty and the attraction to immodestly-clad women...sounds so ridiculous but it happens to almost everyone. All fall prey, and with help from the Holy Spirit, believers have the ability and the choice to triumph over the world. Again I recommend Jerry Bridges' Respectable Sins: Confronting the Sins we Tolerate (2006). Jerry Bridges is by far the author that has had the greatest influence on my life.
Just in this week, I have experienced shame from confessing sin, fear for my own safety, anguish at folly...my heart was shredded and mutilated. But beyond the pain and shock, I am so thankful that the cross shone so brightly again no amount of tears could blind my eyes from it. Because things are tacky and sensitive, I am praying for wisdom..and when I first came across Prov. 2, things fell in place: wisdom lies in fearing God, and can be attained if you seek God (which sin not repented of bars both the believer and non-believer from).
Lifelong singlehood is a very viable and desirable possibility.
A few days ago, I've had the chance to talk to a sister whom I think is beautiful before the eyes of God, and she pointed out that the climax of God's creation was the creation of both a man and a woman for companionship, friendship under the institution of marriage. Marriage and romantic love is sacred because God intends for us to see Christ loves the Church, and to the utter and perfect sense that He lowered Himself from heaven to be murdered like a lamb. I don't think many of my experiences of romantic love (infatuations, wondering what it'd be like if I were with A or B, relationships) were God-glorifying, given the measure in 1 Cor. 13, but I do know that romantic love is such a fantastic and unique bond - no other inter-human relationship in the world allows for this special physical, emotional and spiritual intimacy. I have sometimes violated this bond in friendship, especially since it doesn't entail responsibility afterwards. I am so glad because only Jesus is the true Lover of my soul, I can claim the promise of I Jn. 1:9 "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." I can look to the other side of the cross: the victory over shame, guilt and fear. So, I want to stop doing these things, and I know God will give abundant grace to help.
That all being said, I am seeing glimpses of the wonders of lifelong singlehood, not because I fear the possibility of being left on the shelf, but because my passion will be single. 1 Cor. 7:32 "An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit." If it is the Lord's Will for me to be single, I can be only passionate for Him, pursuing Him with zeal and joy as I get more deeply involved with ministry. The world, and shamefully, many self-professed believers equate physical beauty with romance and marriage like I do: one who falls below the cultural standard of physical attractiveness is somehow deemed less worthy and less expected to be married. If a good-looking person pursues only God through singlehood, this worldly mindset thinks that he must either have been traumatized by some bad relationship, have confused sexual orientation or other reasons that lament a perceived loss of using good looks for the benefit of romance and/or marriage. Now to think of it, this is just so perverted. John says all that is from the world is not from the Father, and vice versa. This worldview debases and distorts singlehood for pursuing God. Oh my goodness.
And so, lifelong singlehood is desirable and exciting. I am glad I have the chance to explore singlehood and serve God and others in the meantime. I want to be very glad if God brings the man whom I will be bonded with for life, and I want to equally rejoice (if not, more) if God calls me to pursue Him zealously, single-heartedly and unwaveringly for life.
Another two and maybe +one things I want to buy when I go home: a bike, the Qur'an, maybe the NIV Study Bible.
I didn't really fear God, though I thought I did.
It is so easy to think it's the big things that matter because it's the major things that matter. But Jesus again reminds me of the perfect standard of holiness that God demands from all believers. Lk. 16:10 "Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much." Fearing God didn't seem much an issue since the Gospel is all the rage now. While being "Gospel-centred" draws us to Jesus as the heart of our lives, our living, our pursuit for holiness, I had singularized its focus on forgiveness and gratuitous justification into the only concern for my life from now on. I had thought that was the only means for Christian hedonism, but I had ignored the many verses in the Bible that call us to fear God if we want Him to be pleased. Also, I had replaced a life-changing pursuit of God for intellectual Christianity: a voracious appetite for reading Christian books and acquiring theology which didn't change my life.
Here's how I didn't fear God: suppressing my conscience and privatizing or culturalizing biblical imperatives. God blesses us with material wealth so that we could use it for His ministry, but in my reluctance to part with fashionable clothes, fancy gadgets and hanging out at unnecessarily expensive restaurants and cafes, I decided to see only some people who live comfortable lives have been called to give. So many human rights and social justice campaigns call for alleviating poverty in different parts of the world - they got one thing right: anyone who does not have to fret over food, shelter and water, but have home phones and cell phones, Internet access, a computer, a decent variety of clothes, access to transportation etc are rich. What we try to do in defense is to deflect God's call for us all who are rich to give to cultural standards of wealth. "Look at him, why don't you ask him to give instead of me? He's richer than I am. I have a Toyota but he drives a Lexus!". If the world is not our home - us being strangers that are in the "contrast society" as Greg Boyd calls it - why use our money as though our home is on earth and we are here to stay?
I can share the many other areas I have allowed myself to remain conformed to the world, but that would take all day and I want to go to bed because something exciting is happening again tomorrow! Also, you might be bored to tears, haha. My point is, it seems to me that deliberately conforming to the world, thereby quelling the Holy Spirit's provocation on one's conscience, is a way of not fearing God. Sin is trivialized: gluttony, chocolate addiction, determining one's life's worth by how updated he is with movies and how many DVDs he bought, scandalizing others, pornography, immodesty and the attraction to immodestly-clad women...sounds so ridiculous but it happens to almost everyone. All fall prey, and with help from the Holy Spirit, believers have the ability and the choice to triumph over the world. Again I recommend Jerry Bridges' Respectable Sins: Confronting the Sins we Tolerate (2006). Jerry Bridges is by far the author that has had the greatest influence on my life.
Just in this week, I have experienced shame from confessing sin, fear for my own safety, anguish at folly...my heart was shredded and mutilated. But beyond the pain and shock, I am so thankful that the cross shone so brightly again no amount of tears could blind my eyes from it. Because things are tacky and sensitive, I am praying for wisdom..and when I first came across Prov. 2, things fell in place: wisdom lies in fearing God, and can be attained if you seek God (which sin not repented of bars both the believer and non-believer from).
"and if you look for it as for silver
and search for it as for hidden treasure,
then you will understand the fear of the LORD
and find the knowledge of God...
Discretion will protect you,
and understanding will guard you."
Prov. 2:4-5, 11
Lifelong singlehood is a very viable and desirable possibility.
A few days ago, I've had the chance to talk to a sister whom I think is beautiful before the eyes of God, and she pointed out that the climax of God's creation was the creation of both a man and a woman for companionship, friendship under the institution of marriage. Marriage and romantic love is sacred because God intends for us to see Christ loves the Church, and to the utter and perfect sense that He lowered Himself from heaven to be murdered like a lamb. I don't think many of my experiences of romantic love (infatuations, wondering what it'd be like if I were with A or B, relationships) were God-glorifying, given the measure in 1 Cor. 13, but I do know that romantic love is such a fantastic and unique bond - no other inter-human relationship in the world allows for this special physical, emotional and spiritual intimacy. I have sometimes violated this bond in friendship, especially since it doesn't entail responsibility afterwards. I am so glad because only Jesus is the true Lover of my soul, I can claim the promise of I Jn. 1:9 "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." I can look to the other side of the cross: the victory over shame, guilt and fear. So, I want to stop doing these things, and I know God will give abundant grace to help.
That all being said, I am seeing glimpses of the wonders of lifelong singlehood, not because I fear the possibility of being left on the shelf, but because my passion will be single. 1 Cor. 7:32 "An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit." If it is the Lord's Will for me to be single, I can be only passionate for Him, pursuing Him with zeal and joy as I get more deeply involved with ministry. The world, and shamefully, many self-professed believers equate physical beauty with romance and marriage like I do: one who falls below the cultural standard of physical attractiveness is somehow deemed less worthy and less expected to be married. If a good-looking person pursues only God through singlehood, this worldly mindset thinks that he must either have been traumatized by some bad relationship, have confused sexual orientation or other reasons that lament a perceived loss of using good looks for the benefit of romance and/or marriage. Now to think of it, this is just so perverted. John says all that is from the world is not from the Father, and vice versa. This worldview debases and distorts singlehood for pursuing God. Oh my goodness.
And so, lifelong singlehood is desirable and exciting. I am glad I have the chance to explore singlehood and serve God and others in the meantime. I want to be very glad if God brings the man whom I will be bonded with for life, and I want to equally rejoice (if not, more) if God calls me to pursue Him zealously, single-heartedly and unwaveringly for life.
Another two and maybe +one things I want to buy when I go home: a bike, the Qur'an, maybe the NIV Study Bible.
Hola!
- Daphne Tan
- Singapore
- One day, I want to lie down on the grass under a beautiful blue sky with ten thousand cats.
I'm reading
