i'm too proud for God

I feel anger and pride coming over me - not involuntarily, but I've allowed it and actually enjoyed feeling the adrenaline rush of winning arguments even when it means hurting others, and the false sense of superiority it gives me. I'm judging again one of the very persons in my family I've finally starting loving just this summer. I snapped at my dad and appeared patronizing, hoping that he'd see that I AM patronizing him and I can't wait for his conversation to end...just so I can return to my own little haven of video-watching. Those videos were really great and powerful, but I'm not practicing the love they were reminding me to live out.

Please pray for me. It sure doesn't help that the benefit party is coming up this Friday and I'm not in the best spiritual condition I can be as a steward of God to run his party.
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Dear God, thanks for letting me come to my senses about my pride. It is disgusting and filthy and shameful, but I can't get rid of it at all - more often than not, I enjoy this false sense of superiority that I get from fleeting things like arguments and conversations that make me feel popular or welcomed. And it was pride that drove people to do the worse of things, like the Holocaust, the apartheid, and slavery. Please guard my heart. You warned me thousands of years ago that my heart is very important in how I live life, but it is deceitful above everything else.

And this pride didn't creep back in like a surprise attack. I believed that I could live a life that pleased you without you. I didn't bother to be intimate with you or walk with you in the cool of the day.

Please teach me that I am second, and Jesus is first. Please overwhelm me so much with your love so I believe so! Teach me humility. If I don't take it in, I give you total permission to CARVE or BEAT HUMILITY INTO ME.








More from I Am Second, a campaign in Dallas, TX with powerful videos on how Jesus changed their lives, and now they gladly serve him.

And God, you're right. I'm also a terrorist like Chris Plekenpol. I hated you and I was your enemy, but thank you for sending Jesus to take the blast for me even when I deserved it. You didn't stand back and watch me die because I deserved it for hating you so much I deliberately opposed you in every way I could, even when I knew you were watching. And I AM NOT EXAGGERATING - you can vouch for me about that. You rushed into the bog to pull me out, and taught me that your love changes everything.