we fade away like grass

I went for my scheduled ambulance run at jurong firestation today from 8am-9pm. Initially it was all quiet and dull. The dispatch radio stayed silent, time just seemed to pass ever so slowly. I was eagerly anticipating the siren to go off and itching to get some action. Just as I was slumped in my chair enjoying a mid-afternoon nap, I got my wish. The sirens blared and the announcement that I had imagined the whole morning in my mind pierced the silence in the dreary firepost. "Alpha 411 mobilize!" Ok those weren't the actual words but that was all that registered. I sprang out my drowsy state, grabbed my steth and followed the paramedic.

All i knew about the call was that it was a road traffic accident along PIE. Along the way further updates were passed through the radio and the paramedic informed me to brace myself as we were in for a very serious RTA case. "1 collapse case and 1 amputation case - Jon, take the defibrillator and follow the medic and update me on the status of the patient, I'll be with the other casualty". Right after delivering his instructions, the paramedic phoned for back-up. Nothing the paramedic said could have prepared me for the sight at the scene. I stepped out of the ambulance and saw 2 motionless bodies, 2 damaged lorries, 1crushed motorcycle and lots of debris/flung-off cargo spread across the entire width of the expressway. Police officers were already at the scene diverting oncoming traffic to the side road. The lorry driver ran up to me, face-bloodied, asking to be attended to. On hindsight I think the medic brushed him off and asked him to wait in the ambulance first as we would tend to the other 2 victims first.

As I ran towards the 1st victim, a middle aged Indian, the severity of the accident started to sink in. To my horror I saw him lying prone, covered with blood and torn bags of rice; all that was left of his left leg was a stump. I needed a few moments to scan the surrounding area and noticed his severed leg lying 10meters away in front of the badly damaged lorry. The paramedic then motioned for me to go over to the motorcyclist and check his pulse. I wheeled the stretcher over, knelt down over his motionless body and placed my 2 fingers over his radial artery praying and hoping that I would feel something pulsating. His eyes were open and fixed, no sign of breathing and his body was contorted. 10s, no pulse. I tried again and I thought I felt a tready faint pulse and told the medic. Help came and the medic pronounced him dead, no pulse and likely spinal cord injury. No defib needed, not even CPR. Another ambulance arrived and our team rushed back to 411 and attended to the lorry driver who was by now complaining about difficulty breathing with blood in his nose. He sustained maxillofacial lacerations but was otherwise stable. Just set an IV line and gave supplemental O2. I was still kindda reeling in shock on the way to NUH and it was obvious that the paramedics were quite taken aback as well.

It just dawned on me that its so true, the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Even as I watched the video footage on the news I was reminded about the fragility of life. How often we feel we're in control of our life, that we're powerful and invincible when God can just take that away in an instant. And life is such a beautiful thing that i'm guilty of taking for granted. Today's close encounter with death has further reinforced my desire to do medicine, though very often there's seemingly not much you can do, I believe the value of life itself far surpasses everything and that despite our limitations we ought to give it due respect. I have a queer habit of sometimes putting my palm against my chest and feeling my own heartbeat. Its intriguing, how this awesome muscular organ can keep beating without ever tiring. Somehow it makes me feel vulnerable, and to make the most of each day (i find it really hard!), and reminds me that God should be in control. And yeah, I'm definitely reconsidering biking in the future.

(via Jon, a Medicine undergrad. He doesn't blog but he's let me put his story up here.)