this probably tells you how bored I am

I tell you three things:

1.
Dear American Beauty,
I think you should either change your brand name or stop selling Angel Hair. It's just gross when I tell people I'm eating American Beauty Angel Hair. And this is America! Non-blonde people are people too.

2.
Dear Arizona Green Tea,
I love you!!! My life's been completely changed ever since you came. You are totally the new water. One thing though, some people I've talked to here in Arizona don't get it when I say I love Arizona Green Tea. I suppose they think my English is poor, like "New York Statue of Liberty", "California Hollywood" or worse, "Pennsylvania Penn". They think you are just a normal teabag. Tell them the truth. That you are from BROOKLYN.

3.
Dear crustal plates in Tucson,
Can you please subduct within the next five months? My government says more land is fantastic, but I think too much land is doing your people, like yours truly, harm. My feet hurt from walking. We always learn to cherish something only when they're gone. Do your people a favour to appreciate you.

4.
Dear Sun Tran,
Can you make bus stop benches out of something else? Anything else besides metal. I get static electricity attacks from your chairs and they're just too cold for my butt. I don't think it's healthy for a major muscle of the body to freeze off metal benches and reheat on bus seats, then freeze off... Such irregular temperatures can create stress, and when stress comes, cancer follows. Surely you don't want passengers to get cancer because of your benches. Please do something about it, spankss.