in a strange world

I've moved!

2011-08-11T01:56:00.000+08:00

I have moved!

This is the new address, without the hyphen :D

http://daphdaphne.blogspot.com/

This is my first time moving since the blog started in September 2006. Thanks everyone for reading over almost these 5 years. You can continue reading there! I just blogged a minute ago about a hauntingly brave poem.

See ya there!

(via sunset)

2011-04-27T00:18:00.003+08:00

I would write about cats, death, and what I learned about God's sovereignty, but I feel overwhelmed right now and I guess I'll write next time.

We're not halfway through 2011 yet, but so much has happened especially in the past few months in my life and lives of people I hold close to my heart. I am so thankful for them.

God is not human, that he should lie,
not a human being, that he should change his mind.
Does he speak and then not act?
Does he promise and not fulfill?
Numbers 23:19

There is so much in my heart, and you know it all, Lord. I love you and I trust you.

Heinous

2011-03-23T23:46:00.019+08:00

I visited my grandpa again few days back for the first time in a few months. We call him Ah Gong and were told that he was getting weak very quickly. As usual, I tried shamelessly to speak to him in my smattering of Teochew, which was possibly mixed with Hokkien especially since I don't really know the difference between both. I know he can understand Mandarin though he can't speak it. But somehow I don't feel comfortable speaking in Mandarin to him. Whether I speak to him in Mandarin or noob Teochew, communication will still be one-way.

Because the problem is with me.

I cannot understand Teochew. I wasn't taught and continue to be refused by my parents when I ask them to teach me. And yes it is a problem because there are so many things I want to say to this dear old kind person, but I can't.

And because of that I broke down in front of him. Just two of us in the stuffy room, him looking straight and me looking at the cold rain and sunshine outside the glass window. Without my Ah Gong, there wouldn't be me. Or even if I was around, I would probably have been born in China in a place poorer than Singapore. And yet I couldn't talk to this man who was quickly fading away with his paper-thin skin covering a network of green veins that vulnerably shielded his skeleton.

I left that afternoon feeling very upset and angry. And even right now, I still am. I, like most other people my generation, are unable and uninterested in non-Mandarin Chinese languages for various reasons including its low instrumental value in Singapore, and them paling out in comparison to other more exotic languages as publicly imagined. And you notice that to call them dialects of Mandarin is a political construction of Chinese languages to justify Singapore's Speak Mandarin campaign in the 1990s to just 'let the kids learn the common Chinese language', i.e. allegedly Mandarin. Apparently, our brain was only competent enough for two languages, and so the campaign's rhetoric was that if parents continue to teach and/or speak to kids in Chinese 'dialects', then that would affect their grades in Mandarin. And surely no good parent would want to sacrifice their kids' academic performance knowing that they are the ones who affected them right? But apparently, this assumption was also wrong, because the enlightened leaders have realized that our brains can actually only take one language, and hence Chinese becoming increasingly optional in school admission up to university level. Isn't this brain thing better explained by socialization patterns than something psychologically inherent?

Looking back, this early aim of the Speak Mandarin campaign to replace 'dialects' with Mandarin in both media and society has been remarkably successful. My parents know how to speak a few dialects, and they choose not to do it at moderate extents with each other, and they choose not to speak any dialect to us at all. And I suspect that somewhere in their worldview, they have naturalized the campaign's rhetoric and expanded on it - not teaching Teochew to your kids seems so natural and it is difficult explain why (as with why pink is for baby girls, and blue for baby boys, or why pretty girls are usually thin with non-frizzy hair).

Isn't it as ironic as slapping yourself in public that by advocating Mandarin at the expense of my learning of Teochew in order to pass down the celebrated values of Confucianism, I have been denied an urgent and genuine expression of the very same values?

What I experienced that Sunday afternoon is the effect of this heinous campaign. I would even say that it borders on immorality, given its already moralized discourse when people are encouraged to speak Mandarin and preserve the Confucian values of propriety, righteousness, humility, trust, loyalty, filial piety, integrity, and love.

Some say "it's the thought that counts, so don't get too worked up that you can't communicate". But if you are the one fading away into nothingness, won't you desire to communicate with others? Dying or alive, we all know how precious it is to be able to talk with someone in your own language, especially your heart language/s, the one that allows you to connect people at a deeper level than other languages you know.

It is futile to wholly blame the social engineers behind this Speak Mandarin Campaign because I know that it is also my choice to have not learned Teochew all this while. But what I do want to underscore is that our leaders lacked foresight, and now we are systematically affected by their successful eradication of non-Mandarin Chinese languages from most Singaporeans' linguistic repertoires. I say that they lacked foresight because I do not wish to give them the benefit of doubt that they saw this coming but decided that it was ultimately not worth protecting anyway.

This is my Ah Gong. He came from Shantou, a formerly bustling coastal city in the Chinese province of Guangdong appointed for Western trade and contact in the 19th century. He was born into a commoner's family in 1901 and later sailed with many other Chinese immigrants across the South China Sea to Singapore to hopefully eke out a living and then later have his wife and his son (who unfortunately passed while he was away) join him.

He carries with him an entire century of history - from the Qing Dynasty, the early days of modern Singapore, Japanese Occupation, Singapore's independence all the way through till today. And not to mention what little I know about his very hard life, a life that would be unthinkable for many of us in our comfortable cushy world.

And this is the grandpa who will pass on, burying with him the real stories that media has sometimes only fantasized about in serial dramas, burying with him the socially marginalized status the government has relegated to him when they owe him credit for building Singapore to what it is today. But before that, I have many things to say to him, many very important things that he needs to know while he still can.

My Pandamian e-book!

2011-02-27T21:33:00.007+08:00

I just started an e-book this afternoon! It's on Pandamian. It's the brainchild of three guys from my Navigators fellowship - Yipeng, Cedric, and Joash. Extremely talented and I can see this becoming something big!

I've titled my book tentatively as Heartbled Muse. This is a collection of the poems and/or songs I write. I've blogged a few of them here, but I did not tag them well and so it's difficult for me to track them. With Pandamian, it's much easier with a 'Table of Content' function. More importantly the nature of the website emphasizes on personal authorship, so it helps copyright my work. A default blogspot can't protect your work at all.

Check my book out!
http://daphdaphne.pandamian.com/

It'll be exciting to see my e-book grow as I write more!

And nope, I wasn't paid to publicize Pandamian. Just doing this to support a really good idea started by ingenious undergrads from my university, especially when they are people I know/friends!

Power of Words

2011-02-27T15:18:00.003+08:00

Words can do a whole lot, yet often we don't have to be responsible for them since we can direct them to specific people without actually explicitly mentioning them in our words.

Which can be used wisely and graciously. Or maliciously.

No wonder God says that the human tongue is restless and evil, fully of fatal venom: "People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish, but no one can tame the tongue. Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God."

Words can affirm people and keep peace. Words can also sow lies, and cause self-delusion, division and pain - just look at how popular media prescribes romance and how women should look like for one, and the social, emotional and spiritual consequences in the lives of people we know.

Yesterday I could really feel it in the bus on my way home. It was as Satan had the strings on the people in the bus, manipulating them and swinging them here and there in their emotions so easily.

First there was this 50s-looking man publicly insulting this other 50s-looking man whose shoulder touched his because they both had shoulders broader than their own seat gave space for. He accused the 'offender' for being deliberately obtuse and inconsiderate, and rashly concluded on the spot, announcing that such a person could only be really blind even though he had eyes. In colloquial Chinese, to call someone blind is insulting because it implies that the person is stupid enough to not know the obvious.

He insulted the man once, twice, thrice, repeating his insults in the form of questions. "Can't you see that your shoulder is touching me? Are you blind or what?"

Everyone looked to see what was happening. The man who was insulted retaliated by replying his insults but inaudibly. Imagine the hurt that have been caused just because of one angry, irresponsible, selfish remark.

And then this group of big-sized teenage boys kept spewing vulgarities at the bus exit door that was getting faulty and wouldn't close properly. They also insulted the bus driver because of the faulty door (???). Illogical and irrelevant person to blame if you ask me.

What was it that Satan was doing when he got these boys to scold the door? Surely it wasn't to do anything to the door, but to frustrate the people around them. The boys knew we were listening, and abused this ambiguity as a chance to curse in public.

And the people sure were frustrated. They turned around at noises in a seemingly annoyed manner, and I could feel the bottom of my heart burning in this overcrowded bus too. The spirit of anger was at work in the bus, and thinking of this excerpt that I meditated on for the day, I resisted the temptation to be angry and annoyed as well.

He came into the very world he created, but the world didn’t recognize him. 11 He came to his own people, and even they rejected him. But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God. They are reborn—not with a physical birth resulting from human passion or plan, but a birth that comes from God.

John 1:10-13

Children of God walk in the light of clear conscience and blamelessness because Jesus has taken our punishment on himself to cancel the debt of unholiness and impurity we incur on ourselves. In the angry darkness that filled the bus, I saw light in me that shone, the light of Christ. Us of supernatural birth...can people see it? Will they be attracted by it and have the courage to expose themselves to the light and have it inside themselves one day?

30 days: day twentyeight

2011-02-09T01:15:00.003+08:00

day twentyeight – a picture of something you’re afraid of

YUCK. I couldn't bear to look at the photos of real roaches that I googled, thankfully this photo was peeking out of my hand (I was covering the other disgusting photos).

30 days: day twentysix

2011-02-06T22:46:00.005+08:00

day twentysix – a picture of something that means a lot to you

The guitar pick Spencer lent to me

It means a lot to me because he offered his pick to me, and he had been carefully keeping it in his wallet, never forgetting where he left it. (Spencer's the younger of my two younger brothers.)

It means a lot to me because it reminds me of the care and support Spencer has for me, and him being an extremely reliable and dependable person whom you can trust as a friend in need.

I don't know if he gave the pick to me or if it's on loan, but I'm definitely wanting to return to him sometime!

30 days: day twentyfive

2011-02-05T22:50:00.002+08:00

day twentyfive – a picture of your day

by Anna Avanceña

from Cuisine Paradise

Frozen yogurt with mochi and pomegranate on top :)

by Fred

Yep, that pretty much sums up my day today! Had a great time over lunch followed by two desserts. Followed by Subway about an hour later since it was the nicest place to study at the mall I was at while waiting for friends. I was supposed to go play cage soccer with them, but I really needed the time to study! Good thing I had a productive 2 hours :)

Hope your day has been good too!

30 days: day twentyfour

2011-02-05T01:21:00.007+08:00

day twentyfour – a picture of something you wish you could change

from eMedicine.com

If there's one thing I could change, it would be my feet. I have mallet toes so they look like kitty paws to me. This means I get blisters on the middle joints of my toes if my shoes are too flat or tight since they form the peak of how each of my toes arch. If I do really intense footwork during sports (as I regularly did especially back in secondary school playing netball), my nails bleed at where my cuticles are and my socks occasionally get stained with a small spot of blood. Few times the cuticle will tear, and once or twice the nail will break from there.

My feet underpronate so I don't use the ball of my feet when I walk, run, or stand, which accumulates stress on my spine right now and will probably mean chronic backache when I'm older. Also, my first toes grow diagonally as if I'm wearing pointed shoes, which also means less shock absorption when I walk and putting stress on my spine.

I think it was only in recent years that I realized my feet are the way they are today is because I used to wear shoes that are too small as most Asians (girls especially) seem to do seemingly in some belief that bigger feet are less appealing. Perhaps it is a reminiscent of the lotus-foot tradition? Shoes and flip flops that just fit you and cuts off just at the heel is too small, not just nice!!! And my mom grew up as a village kid who wore her shoes out as much as possible even if it meant squeezing into them. That probably also influenced her judgment on what she saw was the 'right size' for us.

But I like my feet! Because God made them :) And without my awesome feet, I wouldn't be walking, running, jumping, skipping, and doing silly stuff, unlike people who cannot do these things because they cannot walk with their feet (if they still do have them).

30 days: day twentythree

2011-02-03T17:06:00.003+08:00

day twentythree – a picture of your favorite book

Bruxy Cavey's The End of Religion:
Encountering the Subversive Spirituality of Jesus (2007, NavPress)

Mindblowing in many ways, and very challenging and encouraging. It helped transform my view on what it meant to obey Jesus to love one another, and in my frustrations and disappointment with the Christian religion.

When Jesus reiterated God's ancient command to "love one another", it means that if we do not love it is to miss his mark of perfection. When we just want to have nothing to do with someone we don't like or someone who impinges on our own desire for a comfortable socio-spiritual life, it is sin. Even if it is acceptable by social conventions. Because we have deliberately chosen not to love that person though Jesus has done otherwise for that person by dying for him/her and blessing him/her whether he/she believes in him or not.

"Rule-based relationships encourage minimum morality. I drive a bit over 100km/h on the highway that connects my home and office. Interestingly, although the speed limit is 100km/h (62mph), I still exceed it. Still, I only exceed it by what I believe I can get away with. In the back of my mind, especially when I'm rushing to an appointment that I define as important, is the question, How fast can I really go and still be ignored by the police? I have to admit that the focus of my attention is not on loving other drivers by traveling at a safe and courteous speed but the rule of the law and just how far I can bend it. Law tends to cultivate a what-can-I-get-away-with mentality. This in turn encourages egocentric morality - living a certain way so we don't have to pay the fine or go to to jail. Law is enough to keep a society in line, but it is not enough to change the world." (p. 191,emphasis his)

And in view of the futility of law in truly loving interpersonal relationships or relationships with God:

"My Wiccan friends have a saying that sums up their code of ethics: Harm none, and do what you want. In other words, as long as your actions are not harmful to others, then you are free to act according to your own desires, whatever they may be. This sentiment is a great first step, but it isn't exactly "loving". Love is other-centered and action-oriented. According to Jesus, it isn't good enough NOT to do bad, we must look for opportunities to actively do good! We must look for opportunities to express the practical care and loving concern to others that we would want expressed to us. This is a radical reorientation of morality for many people, religious and not. To put the emphasis of one's morality on not harming anyone, as many religions do, is to help people graduate to the morality of a stone. A rock doesn't hurt anyone - it just sits there, doing nothing. But we are made to love." (pp. 188-9, emphasis his)

take my clothes

2011-02-03T01:26:00.007+08:00

Giving away clothes in good condition! Leftovers will be donated. PLEASE! Contact me, and don't be shy about it! You're doing me a favor!

I've been giving clothes away to charities or communities in need routinely, passing clothes to friends who are going on humanitarian trips, and taking care to wear new clothes or clothes that I really like when I go on humanitarian and mission trips so that I could have them all washed, dried, and folded nicely before giving them away to the community that I'm involved with in that country. (Thank you Jing for this ingeniously wonderful idea!)

When it comes to handmedowns, I choose as much as I can to give people stuff that I think they will really like, because I really like it too.

If I like it, why am I giving it away then? That's the point, isn't it? Jesus was the one who said "it's more blessed to give than to receive".

So, trust me then you're not my garbage can, if you take my clothes you will be doing me a great favor in helping me re-evaluate my spending habits and my view on outer appearance.

Muchas gracias!!

These are just a few of the clothes that I want to give away (I think I have up to 50 over to give away). They are not the best of the lot, just clothes that I have pretty clear pictures to show. Some of my clothes are new, or seldom worn, so they never even get to be on photos.

Beads and diamante sewed onto the white band.
Black organza with black inner lining, elastic at bottom.
Firsthand worn about five times.

Floral printed cotton top, empire cut.
I wore it with a white tube underneath.
Firsthand worn thrice.

Zara TRF Lime Green 100% Cotton top, made in Turkey.
I have this top in Mandarin Orange as well.

Real vintage handmedown from my mom.
This top is almost 30 years old, but is still white! Good cotton-polyester material :D
Frills run along the top half, elastic band at bottom.

Another handmedown from my mom, originally a maternity dress.
This is over 20 years old.
Brown cotton-spandex.

Striped organza top with white inner lining and yellow crochet top.
It has a cute yellow button behind at the top.
Firsthand worn about 5 times.

Light grey 100% Cotton shirt-dress.
Excellent cotton quality.

Firsthand worn in between seldom and kind-of-regularly.

Salmon pink Empire cut top, with light brown beads sewn on the lace butterfly.
Complements tan skin tones and rosy complexions.
Firsthand worn quite regularly in the past.

30 days: day twentytwo

2011-02-02T20:22:00.003+08:00

day twentytwo – a picture of something you wish you were better at

via weheartit

Play and sing the guitar at the same time well :) I'm getting better at it!

The True Church

2011-02-02T00:05:00.006+08:00

Day after day, in the temple courts and from house to house, they never stopped teaching and proclaiming the good news that Jesus is the Christ.
(Acts 5:42)

THE TRUE CHURCH

The place in which a church meets varies. The use of big buildings, complex organizations, involved programs, huge budgets that provide for schools, hospitals, orphanages and other social activities are only possible in financially strong unrestricted societies.

  Although the Lord has blessed these activities in many places in the world, we must recognize that they are not essential to the existence of the church. In some countries these activities are forbidden by the government, while in others, the local economic situation makes them impossible. Still the church can thrive, because it is not dependent on these things. Serious problems have arisen when Christians have become confused on this point.   

A number of years ago, for example, some Vietnamese leaders thought that their lack of funds for such things was the cause of the slow growth of Christianity there. On one occasion, the following conversation was overheard:

"Do you have communists in your part of the country?" the observer asked. "Most assuredly. They are there," the leader replied.   “Are they growing in numbers and influence?" he then asked. The leader hesitated momentarily, then admitted sadly, “Yes, they are growing very fast."   

“Can you show me their meeting places and schools or introduce me to their leaders?" the observer continued. "Certainly not," the leader said in disgust. "If they are known, they will be arrested."   

"You mean they are secret, without buildings or property and still they grow in number?" the observer asked in amazement. "Yes, you could say that," the leader responded.   

"Then it must be that their growing influence does not depend on such things. If they can be wrong in their beliefs and still grow without money and buildings, why do you think the church of Jesus Christ needs these things?" the man concluded.  

If God provides these things, then use them for His glory. If He does not, remember that the New Testament church had none of these things, but they turned their world upside down (Acts 17:6). The early Christians did not confuse the church’s functions with methods. If they had done so, the church would have died in the bondage of Jewish legalism. The early churches were not encumbered by the presence of buildings, nor hindered by the lack of them. They met in public places, when they were permitted to do so, but when they were not, they went from house to house.

RESPONSE
 I will no longer confuse the forms of the church with the biblical functions of the church.

  PRAYER
 Thank you Lord for those who use their homes as centers for Your worship
and declaration of the good news of Your love.

 Standing Strong Through The Storm (SSTS) - A daily devotional message by SSTS author Paul Estabrooks
© 2010 Open Doors International. Used by permission

30 days: day twenty

2011-02-01T01:53:00.006+08:00

day twenty – a picture of somewhere you’d love to travel

Somewhere up north to catch the Aurora Borealis. Either that, or a nebula maybe? Haha, looking at the picture alone makes me feel afraid, I can only watch from an extremely far distance if not I'd probably burn to death or get shocked to death.

Orion Nebula

Inside the Eagle Nebula

taken from Kitt Peak in AZ where I visited!!

"The heavens declare the glory of God,
the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
Day after day they pour forth speech,
night after night they display knowledge.
There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard,
their voice goes out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the earth."
Psalm 19

30 days: day eighteen

2011-01-29T18:11:00.003+08:00

day eighteen – a picture of your biggest insecurity

by Wodka87

I love to be alone and be quiet sometimes - couldn't find a picture for social and emotional loneliness! It's the feeling you get when you have to deal with someone yourself, especially with conflicts or awkwardness in friendships. People can give you advice, but they cannot replace you to work out a friendship with someone else that's gone awry.

It's a constant reminder for me that while it's an inevitable fact no one else can help me deal with such problems, Jesus can..and he already has. I have experienced his incredible help a few times in recent years though they were pretty traumatic and nerve-wrecking as well. Sometimes I forget that he will never bail out on me from these experiences.

The really good assurance is that my loneliness will never be spiritual again from the day I started denying my old revolting self to follow Jesus..

For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account. Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Word of God to the Hebrews in the 1st century
in the Bible (Hebrews 4)

30 days: day seventeen

2011-01-29T01:45:00.006+08:00

day seventeen – a picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently

This is really recent, i.e. this morning. I was thinking about Narayanan Krishnan's words. He said he was really disturbed after seeing a poor homeless man on the street eat his own waste out of hunger.

While chomping on my ordinary sandwich, it really hit me that I have DONE NOTHING to deserve whatever I have been eating and will continue to eat. Why am I not the one who is so overcome by hunger that I would actually consider eating my own poop?

After feeling really disturbed and troubled, I am really sure that God has not given me food for nothing when he's let me know that there are others who eat things that are probably not even proper food, eg: rats and tree roots in parts of Africa, rats and tree bark in parts of North Korea, or rotting food in the garbage dumps in Port-au-Prince and Manila.

When I look at my food or drink, I see that it is Jesus' flesh and blood sacrificed on my behalf, just as Jesus intended us to as a vital and daily means to remember him. The way we cook our food (slicing into nice pieces, cooking under great heat and pressure...) reminds me of the intense pain Jesus went through. I can't imagine myself being a carrot, or a piece of juicy meat under all that ticklish and stinky marination, and excruciating cutting and cooking, only to end up being eaten. The food that I eat gives me energy to live the hope that transcends above mortality and remember Jesus' humiliating and offensive sacrifice as an innocent person taking the rap of the world of today, yesterday and the future, and then coming back to life to shatter whatever chains of ugly evil we have in our hearts.

If you think I'm crazy, it's understandable. I believe that I will come back to life to live for eternity after I die, and I believe the same for all who believe in Jesus, dating from the first humans to exist on earth. We will have new bodies, and the whole of our world (universe?) would be re-created in a spiritual and physical way (I have no idea how something spiritual will look like).

And now when I look at my food, I see all that, and also that there is a divine reason behind why I am materially rich - so that I can remember the poor, and live a life of hopefully increasing compassion.

30 days: day sixteen

2011-01-28T00:00:00.004+08:00

day sixteen – a picture of someone who inspires you

Shane Claiborne
from Jeff Figearo's blog

I quoted him last month at length from an extremely challenging and encouraging book he wrote. You have got to check out his Letter to Non-Believers published on Esquire.com, I think it articulates very well a third way between Christianity and non-Christianity. Shane has reminded me what it means when Jesus says we can find him among the poor, downtrodden, and imprisoned. He lives a life that is socially and economically responsible, which led him to start making clothes for himself. He has a heart of courage to step out of his world and start sleeping with the homeless and now he lives in West Philly, a Black ghetto that I lived right next to for a month in 2009. Almost every night you would hear the police siren, and a few gun shots and quarrels.

Such a man is so charming, and I know that the person that I'm attracted to is not Shane, but the Jesus in him. In his The Irresistible Revolution, he wrote that it is important to grief and let your heart be troubled, for only grieving prophets know how to change the world, and how to dance hope into broken lives. And don't be afraid to use creative ways to get your voice heard, just as how the prophets in the Bible did. Sometimes people thought these prophets were crazy and ridiculed, sometimes murdering them even to shut them up since they kept preaching the truth that the people didn't want to hear.

Funny how I was thinking this morning about people who inspire me (though I didn't know it was today's 30day topic!). I'm glad I have many people who inspire me, many of them ordinary people, while others make their voices heard so that they can champion their convictions. The most recent one is India's Narayanan Krishnan, which got me thinking...could true wealth and freedom really mean only having two shirts, and then giving one away to someone who needs it? I get a little ecstatic thinking about it!

May we begin beating our swords into plowshares now, and the kingdom will begin to be not simply something we hope for when we die but something we see on earth as it is in heaven, the kingdom that is among us and within us.
- Shane Claiborne

30 days: day fifteen

2011-01-27T01:16:00.004+08:00

day fifteen – a picture of something you want to do before you die

I want to write at least one very good song. Very good probably along the lines of music, words, the power of the words, but I have a hunch it will be something intensely personal that whittles your heart away. Don't know!

Few other things on my growing Bucket List:

Finish an entire Balut!

Hike the whole of Grand Canyon again
Maybe get inked on my arm or ankle area
Eat ice cream at near- or subzero temperature
Change our world.
Live somewhere else.
Write many poems or songs.
Sing and play the guitar at the same time well.
Have a cat at home.

Some things that I've struck off my list:

Give free hugs on the street.
Be Gary the snail on the road.
Stick my finger into my nose for pictures.
Ask my family for forgiveness on being a badass in the past.
Feed stray cats.
Save animals and bugs.
Open a Youtube channel.
Get a menial F&B job.

30 days: day fourteen

2011-01-26T00:48:00.007+08:00

day fourteen – a picture of someone you could never imagine your life without

Me, Esther, and Dad
Checking out Doulos, 2009

Dad, Esther, and Mom

Well I guess quite practically I wouldn't be here without my dad (and my mom) haha. And on top of that, I wouldn't be able to imagine growing up without a dad as patient, supportive and trusting as my dad. In many ways, I'm a copy of him - for one, we start talking louder and paraphrasing things on tv even though the subtitles are there when we're excited hahaha. He is a macro-thinker and is very wise in dealing with tacky situations with people.

I didn't realize how super cool it was until last year that my dad was actually in daily contact with South Asian construction workers for a long time. He was considered quite an insider and he was respected and trusted, perhaps especially from some of few severe wounds he got from working overtime with them. He could have gone home since he just needed to oversee the workers, but he usually, if not always, chooses to stay back and work with the workers so that the job gets done faster and the workers could go home earlier. Now he doesn't work in the construction industry anymore - if he did, I don't know how his body could take the fierce sun and the intensely rigorous work he tolerated in his younger days.

Where do you get such noble men? Noble men who did extra work on a regular basis to help people that are conventionally seen as lowly foreigners? I have one at home, and I'm proud of my dad for being so :)

P.S.: Did you know that the MV Doulos (now MV Doulos Phos) was the world's oldest active passenger ship until December 31, 2009? Its sister ship was Titanic. People used to boast that "not even God could sink Titanic", and an engineer who helped repair Doulos on a daily basis (!!!) with his team is very convinced that only God could have kept her afloat.

And a few crew members have died during a bomb attack of the ship by a militant Muslim group. Scary world we live in.

30 days: day thirteen

2011-01-25T00:26:00.004+08:00

day thirteen – a picture of your favorite band or artist

萧敬腾 Hsiao Jing Teng

It's much harder for me to pick just one favorite for English music, but Hsiao Jing Teng is definitely my favorite Chinese music singer. His voice is so diverse, and I think it's easy to hear the musical influences that he claimed in his voice - Bon Jovi, and Pavarotti. He's native to Taiwan coming from from an urban tribe of the Amis people. He taught himself how to play keys, piano, drums, guitar, and the sax. He's only a year older than me and he's still in college, except with an incredible voice that's very raw, powerful, and versatile for rock, jazz, R&B, pop. So much potential in this guy!

30 days: day twelve

2011-01-24T00:11:00.001+08:00

day twelve – a picture of something you love

Cats!! They are incredibly cute and funny. And they melt and purr over you cos they love getting cuddled so much :3

30 days: day eleven

2011-01-23T16:01:00.002+08:00

day eleven – a picture of something you hate

I used to cringe even at dry hair, but thankfully I'm over that mostly. Wet hair on the floor or sinks still makes me cringe though. Looking just at this shutterstock photo gives me chills. OH YUCKKKK!!!!!! I know it ultimately is hair that was on my head, but fallen hair is just different. It is disgusting! Same goes for hair that gets stuck on my wet hands when I comb my fingers through my hair :(

30 days: day ten

2011-01-21T23:33:00.005+08:00

day ten – a picture of the person you do the most effed up things with

Hahaha too cute!

When smiling with your upper lip tucked in was fashionable
...for ten days while we were in Malaysia

Nothing new, it's still my sis. One of us could be using the toilet, and the other washing hands or brushing teeth in the same bathroom. We like to hug in public and she still owes me 50 goodnight kisses as of three minutes ago. She accumulated her debt from my 6-month absence away from home, and just rushing to bed before I can demand to her for payback kisses ;) And many more!

30 days: day nine

2011-01-21T00:59:00.003+08:00

day nine – a picture of the person who has gotten you through the most

My mom :)

She has an incredibly tender heart full of compassion and is very sensitive and thoughtful of others. She connects with people through emotions; she also has a lot of empathy, which means that she often cares about people whom she's seen only once, but seem to be having a hard time. She has had a rough life, coming to Singapore to work when she was 21 and settled here for good when she met my dad, and entered into a family that beat down extreme prejudice on her for years. She is one tough person inside her heart.

I have been angry and arrogant for most of my life, and I see it happening less and less since Jesus has started to change my life. I hope that I will exercise humility and love in my heart every day though I believe pride will continue to be a daily thought to murder. My mom has been putting through all the nonsense and heartbreak I've given to her through my rebel stage from when I was 10 through 20, and hopefully much less now. I hope I bring comfort to her!

So..guess whom God gave my intuition and compassion from. Not to mention she was THE pretty girl at her workplace and dorm so many guys would want to drive her out and get to know her ;)

30 days: day eight

2011-01-19T07:13:00.005+08:00

day eight - a picture that makes you laugh

Well I guess it has got to be this superbly stunning picture that I took of myself. Mega-zoomed and blurry..brings the mastery of photography to a unprecedented, whole new level!

Please check out my current growing portfolio. As you can see, there are quite a lot of (unknowing, albeit willing) models who have volunteered for this pioneering technique of artistry.

Jonny

Alvin

I do have a female subject as well, it's just that I cannot find the photo!! Anyways, look at how this new technique has taken the world by storm. People are returning me the favor for coming up this technique that they have used me as their primary model for their own portfolios.

The world is indeed a good place.

Taken by Jonny

Taken by my sis, Esther

30 days: day seven

2011-01-19T00:41:00.002+08:00

day seven – a picture of your most treasured item

My most treasured item right now is no longer with me. But I guess my second most treasured would be my/my sister's baby bolster :D

No picture cos you'll have to see it in person to know the awesomeness :)

30 days: day six

2011-01-17T21:54:00.005+08:00

day six – a picture of a person you’d love to trade places with for a day

Kina Grannis!

She's pretty, has a good heart and a soulful voice, not to mention...we're just as tall :p And running away to stairwells to sing and play music...I think it actually takes quite some courage to do that because anyone getting in would hear the music too :)

30 days: day five

2011-01-17T00:13:00.002+08:00

day five – a picture of your favorite memory

Haowei, Jon, Me, Teewei, Raymond, and Cat,
on my goodbye party at Jon's house in Tucson where we met every Friday with everyone

One of my favorite memories is my time spent with Jon Heine, my first discipler, while I was on a semester's exchange to U of A in Spring 2009. God used him to change my life a great deal, and I still remember the times we had together. He treated me like a father treats a daughter, and as a brother who protects her sister, and as a friend - all these would only be possible within God's love. God used his prayers and his phone calls to protect me when I felt really helpless and my safety was threatened while being alone in a foreign city. God used him to bring my secret sins to light, and in Jesus' name I cut them off and I no longer am controlled by these sins.

If anything, Jon probably saw the most of my tears and thoughts while I was there. Second to Jesus. He would hold my hand and give me a safe hug like a father would. I am so excited that we will live together for ever in the coming Kingdom with Christ!

30 days: day four

2011-01-15T16:12:00.012+08:00

day four – a picture of your favourite night

Courtesy of Hengyi Kiew.

Courtesy of Sihua Lai.

Courtesy of Sherlyn Chan.

Courtesy of Deborah Yap.

Nope, none of my friends posed for these posters. I just dug these out of Facebook from past hangouts with my friends, and used them as posters for the party. My friends were so nice to let me use their photos for it too!

One of my most favorite nights was at The Absent Party. It was held in place of my 21st birthday in 2009, and God gave me an idea 6 months before that instead of getting expensive birthday presents that I would probably have to find a use for, people who come to my party might as well pay the money forward to the Dalits in India through OM India, a ministry in India that wants to set free people from spiritual and socioeconomic oppression. You can read more about it here and my post-party thoughts here.

One of my most favorite group of people in my life, my JC class AA3!
I still remember they made time and even provided transport
and a place to bake party favors (we made chocolate cake pops). Yeaaaaa.

30 days: day three

2011-01-15T00:59:00.003+08:00

day three – a picture of the cast from your favorite show

I usually appreciate thinker films much more, like V for Vendetta, Once, Fight Club, Dark Knight, but Up was soooo good too though it isn't my typical category of favorite movies :)

30 days: day two

2011-01-14T00:38:00.013+08:00

day two – a picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest

My sister, Esther, and I. We're 11 years apart, and our favorite thing to do is to lie on the couch and make fun of each other or make a fool of ourselves. I make it a point to say sorry to her and ask for her forgiveness when I say or do something that hurt her, and I also make it a point to share with her my worries and fears. I've been learning to be humble in this way.

Esther gets ecstatic over badminton, and like most kids, she doesn't like veggie, so she grew up on a pact with my mom that she would eat whatever veggie's on her plate, but not anymore haha. She is a huge fan of Korean pop and drama, and she's roped my mom and me into watching Korean shows too. So good. I love her because she is my sister. Apparently almost every lady (except one) in a Christian community told my mom to abort Esther (??!!!) for reasons that disregard the sanctity of God-given life and were extremely derogatory to our family. None of us would have been able to see beyond the financial woes of having to raise a fourth child at home to realize that the affection and laughter that she has brought back into our house being a little sis is so invaluable, and I dare say, lifechanging.

I know Esther will grow up to be a beautiful woman, and a mighty laborer in God's Kingdom! I pray that for her regularly.

No harm putting more silly photos of us I'm sure! :D Shame on all the people who were for Esther to be aborted, we're having so much fun in our lives right now...and so much more to come!

I took a mega-zoomed in photo of my sis and she sought revenge hahaha.

30 days: day one

2011-01-12T23:19:00.009+08:00

day one – a picture of yourself with fifteen facts

Daphne as of yesterday night. It's so zoomed in it could only be a picture of myself
and not anyone else (except someone's finger).

1) My mom changed my name when I was 1 because I was too mischievous. She changed it from 美玉 'Beautiful Jade' to 俐文 'Agile, and Refined'.
2) I can speak English, Chinese, Singlish, and a little Tagalog.
3) My intuition measures over 80% in the Myers-Briggs Personality Profile.
4) I hiked the Grand Canyon in 8 hours in March 2009. The trail was slightly over 24km of gravity pounding on my knees and feet.
5) I once wore flip flops and pyjamas out (to the grocer!) when it was -6C with winds so strong I couldn't walk on haha.
6) The lowest temperature I've experienced so far is -7C (in Princeton), the highest, 42C (Tucson).
7) I sponsor a Dalit girl from Kancheepuram, Tamil Nadu.
7) Many Singaporeans are not sure if I am Chinese or Malay, sometimes they're not sure if I'm local at all ???
8) I love making new friends.
9) On a chillax day (best if rainy), I would curl up in my bed and read a book, or sleep.
10) I play the guitar a lot and write poetry especially when I'm feeling overwhelmed, moody, or just pensive.
11) Looking at frozen yogurt sends me spasming.
12) The best yogurt is unsweetened yogurt that might still have curds in it.
13) The shortest fringe I ever had was about half the length of a key, I cried especially a lot after that haircut.
14) I have a lot of trouble with being punctual.
15) I would love to sleep on a bed in an open field on a breezy afternoon.

30 days in pictures

2011-01-12T23:15:00.003+08:00

I'm just thinking to myself how could you actually be taking on this challenge when your semester is going to be so busy! I think I just wanted to destress right now haha. This semester I'll be tutoring one kid from twice to thrice a week, which also means I have to quit my ice cream job much earlier than expected. Not to mention almost 200 pages of readings waiting for me just this week (I'm taking three highest-level undergrad classes, and one graduate level class this semester.)

Here it goes:

day one – a picture of yourself with fifteen facts
day two – a picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest
day three – a picture of the cast from your favorite show
day four – a picture of your favourite night
day five – a picture of your favourite memory
day six – a picture of a person you’d love to trade places with for a day
day seven – a picture of your most treasured item
day eight – a picture that makes you laugh
day nine – a picture of the person who has gotten you through the most
day ten – a picture of the person you do the most effed up things with
day eleven – a picture of something you hate
day twelve – a picture of something you love
day thirteen – a picture of your favorite band or artist
day fourteen – a picture of someone you could never imagine your life without
day fifteen – a picture of something you want to do before you die
day sixteen – a picture of someone who inspires you
day seventeen – a picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently
day eighteen – a picture of your biggest insecurity
day nineteen – a picture and a letter
day twenty – a picture of somewhere you’d love to travel
day twentyone – a picture of something you wish you could forget
day twentytwo – a picture of something you wish you were better at
day twentythree – a picture of your favorite book
day twentyfour – a picture of something you wish you could change
day twentyfive – a picture of your day
day twentysix – a picture of something that means a lot to you
day twentyseven – a picture of yourself and a family member
day twentyeight – a picture of something you’re afraid of
day twentynine – a picture that can always make you smile
day thirty – a picture of someone you miss

She sleeps, she sleeps

2011-01-08T23:17:00.001+08:00

11/22/10

Petals cover her eyes
Her hair breathes with her
And she smiles
Oh she sleeps, she sleeps.

Deep peace
Innocent like the baby she is
Angels guard her
God smiles, I kiss her cheek.

Weathered tracks where she frowns
For people she'd die for
Bread for today, food for tomorrow
The blood, her baby, and the gore
Pain and sobs she ran away.

Lips like a line
Heavy, slow breathing
Oh she sleeps, she sleeps.

Deep pain, God weeps.
Mommy I'll kiss them away
If you let me
Will you let Him?

Ordinary Radicals

2010-12-21T16:38:00.003+08:00

Maybe we are a little crazy. After all, we believe in things we don't see. The Scriptures say that faith is "being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" (Heb. 11:1). We believe poverty can end even though it is all around us. We believe in peace even though we hear only rumors of wars. And since we are people of expectation, we are so convinced that another world is coming that we start living as if it were already here. As prominent evangelical activist Jim Wallis says, "We believe despite the evidence...and watch the evidence change." So may we begin living as if poverty were over, and we will see it come to pass. May we begin beating our swords into plowshares now, and the kingdom will begin to be not simply something we hope for when we die but something we see on earth as it is in heaven, the kingdom that is among us and within us.

...

One friend was asked by a skeptic, "You all are just a little group of radical idealists. What makes you actually think you can change the world?" And she said, "Sir, if you will take a closer look at history you will see...that's the only way it has ever been done." Welcome to the irresistible revolution, a new and ancient way of life that is so attractive, who would settle for anything else? Welcome to the revolution of little people, guerrilla peacemakers, and dancing prophets, the revolution that loves and laughs. The revolution begins inside each of us, and through little acts of love, it will take over the world. Let us begin to be Christians again. Jesus, give us the courage.

Shane Claiborne, The Irresistible Revolution: living as an ordinary radical (2006)

Nepal from a state of shock

2010-12-20T00:08:00.001+08:00

I'm back from a short ten days in Kathmandu and Nagarkot in Nepal. I'm still emotionally and spiritually overwhelmed from what I've seen and experienced, and the people with whom I became friends with or interacted. I remember each one of you, no matter how brief our encounter, that's why I remember you in this poem I wrote for you.

I wrote this on the flight back to Singapore.

12/16/10
Eyes that sore
Eyes that flood
Why are goodbyes so hard?

Eyes that beg
And those that burn
Aflame with ambition and hope

I look into your soul
And you were all blood inside
Sometimes seeping out from bandage
Sometimes blooming in beauty

Look into mine and you'll see, you'll see
A rainbow of hope and tears
We laugh together and fall flat on autumn leaves
Orange, golden, red

We'll live a better tomorrow
Look into my eyes, my soul
You'll see...

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

2010-11-28T23:51:00.001+08:00

Here's a late post of another cover I did with Ian - Bruddah Iz's Somewhere Over the Rainbow. Teddy, a mutual friend, did a really great job recording and mixing it.

It was a lot of fun coming up with the ideas and filming them down. We filmed all the takes in one afternoon at Ian's church, Bartley Christian Church. Bartley sends laborers to the mission field and has a spiritually maturing community; I've seen and is still witnessing God work amazing changes into the lives of my handful of friends who are in this community.

Props goes to Ian who edited the entire video because he has iLife '11. We want to honor God for the creativity, friendship, and laughter that went into this video, and for growing our musical talents by leaps and bounds as we train it and use it for his Kingdom.

View it in HD to enjoy the original sound quality :)

If you liked it, subscribe to us!

Ian Chew > http://www.youtube.com/user/ianamores
Me > http://www.youtube.com/user/daphvader

falling slowly with INCS

2010-10-22T02:23:00.002+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xcmUmcLPZco

First -collab- collab. This is one of my favorite songs and I had been looking for some time for a voice that would suit the song and sound really nice with how my voice sounds. Stuff happened and I found Ian! (Thanks Olie and Sarah for the encouragement.)

Ian has a unique voice and plays guitar crazy well. Check him out and subscribe to him!

http://www.youtube.com/user/ianamores

dream a little dream of me

2010-10-17T14:37:00.003+08:00

My cover of Ozzie Nelson's Dream a Little Dream of Me with our brother Eugene from last week!
>>> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hdLezyPnVQ4

Going to jam with Marc and Daryl again later this evening!

radio pulze

2010-10-10T18:12:00.004+08:00

I'm going to be on my campus radio station coming Tuesday! Honestly I've never tuned it to it before, and when I tried last week, I couldn't either. But as an advice I got goes, it's just going to be a good experience!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Nbv0rjmD0s

Life

2010-10-10T16:52:00.002+08:00

I just massacred 7 commander ants and a lot of other normal worker ants. And I don't feel good about it at all.

The ants were just doing what they have been doing since they were created! They were just finding food to feed their colony. Wouldn't it have been a better if food was kept or thrown away so that they wouldn't be attracted to it in the first place?

Now I'm beginning to see why many non-industrialist societies revere life. They kill animals only when in need and eat respectfully and in gratitude for the fact that animal lives have been sacrificed in order for them to physically and religiously benefit from it (which is also a great foundation for them to understand Jesus as the Ultimate Sacrifice!)

Same goes with the baby chili plants that my sis and mom planted for my sister's school project. Now that the teacher finds no use for the plants, there seems to be this oblivion to what the students will do about them. We all know that well - we had to do the same project when we were in primary school. And the most common reaction is to just let the plants die, or throw them away in the trash.

Have we forgot how sacred life is? These chili plants and ants have been entrusted to us by God so that we can care for them with discretion on how they benefit us. Plants don't express emotions like animals do, but God made them grow all the same. God is the one who makes our hearts beat, who gives food and energy to the animals, and makes sure seeds develop into strong plants.

It's discomforting and amazing at the same time for a city kid like me for God to open my eyes to see him in everything, including everything that has life. He prepared the earth, skies, and everything extra-terrestrial to be conducive so that he could create life to live in it, and ultimately people to obey his first command ever and take care of his creation. We're so honored to be given this sacred task of helping to manage the lives all around us!

So God created human beings in his image. In the image of God he created them. He created them male and female. God blessed them and said, "Have many children and grow in number. Fill the earth and be its master. Rule over the fish in the sea and over the birds in the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth." God said, "Look, I have given you all the plants that have grain for seeds and all the trees whose fruits have seeds in them. They will be food for you. I have given all the green plants as food for every wild animal, every bird of the air, and every small crawling animal." And it happened. God looked at everything he had made, and it was very good.

How the world began (Genesis 1)

cooler than me

2010-10-05T01:23:00.002+08:00

here's my interpretation of mike posner's Cooler than Me after 14-some hours of making everything in the video. it was so challenging to come up with a entirely different interpretation...and it could only be God who gave the tunes!

you can check out the original version here to see the contrast.

the way i am

2010-09-26T16:39:00.001+08:00

My cover of Ingrid Michaelson's The Way I Am. You can check it out here :)

>>> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odvoD6tUSQg

vader tribute

2010-09-26T14:46:00.006+08:00

I had a lot of fun making this! Maybe I should speak more in Vader-voice next time ;)

>>> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pi8SPqb2Quc

2010-09-24T00:11:00.004+08:00

I value vulnerability, honesty, and openness, so I make an effort to show people the mess and the excitement in my life.

But there are just a few things in life that you wouldn't share with anyone easily in fear of God. Maybe all the more so when these thoughts and feelings are in their early stages. You only tell God because He absolutely knows what you're thinking and feeling. At least right now.

I don't know where all this will lead me. What I know for sure, is that I'm not ready just yet. Time will tell if I am thinking too much or seeking satisfaction in an idol instead. Or if it will blossom into something beautiful.

bragged

2010-09-23T23:43:00.003+08:00

These two days I suddenly realized that in my brash eagerness to learn and experience God in the past year. I had actually bragged in Jesus' name. About my goal for this year, about my experiences with God, and my convictions.

If the me now were to be right there listening to the me nine months ago, I would either have cringed, felt awkward, or wonder how this girl could be so sure about herself and her future when it's ultimately unknown.

So awkward, so awkward, so awkward.

So glad that God forgives me as I repent of my pride and proud words.

To think I said this stuff to my ekklesia, the people I love, my beloved family in Christ.

So awkward!

king of anything

2010-09-12T23:09:00.002+08:00

Jamming again with Daryl. Check him out at http://www.youtube.com/kenasai too!

On campus on a late Sunday afternoon to jam and feed mosquitoes at the same time. Other than that, it was great time trying to push our limits, like singing at the original key which I thought was too high. But I managed..could only be God!

daphvader

2010-09-12T00:27:00.003+08:00

If you haven't seen it, it's the new project that I said I was working on. Now that the first video is up, I'm really excited and I'm working on more stuff. It's such a great way to push myself to explore how I can create or interpret music. I love it!

Be sure to like, comment, favorite, subscribe!

You were

2010-09-06T01:38:00.004+08:00

a Siamese twin who shared one heart with your slightly older brother.

The doctor had to operate to keep one of you alive, and your brother offered himself up instead. He asked the doctor to separate him from you. He ended up as a huge lump of severed flesh thrown away together with the rest of the biohazard waste of aborted babies, placentas, cancer, ovarian cysts, and amputated body parts.

You feel bad, but you know it's the only way for you to live.

Your brother was Jesus, who is also my brother.

We're all connected to each other through him because he died for us all.

You say so and so is the love of your life. Jesus says the same, and he literally practiced it to the full extent by dying for you. He's already died for you when no one else has! Unless you are one of the few amazingly fortunate people in GivesMeHope.com and accounts of war and violence. (WOW.)

Jesus did nothing wrong, but he chose to die for your hatred and blasphemy towards God...so that today you can choose to be alive, not with a heart of stone, but a beating, living heart of flesh.

You can run free and breathe free and play the guitar, eat ice cream, be with whom you love. Because your Brother gave up his life for you.

Great news is, he's come back to life. So will I when I die. He will return and we will be together again, in love with everyone who has followed him through peaceful lives, fire, amputation, gladiator fights, and all kinds of unthinkable suffering.

If it sounds radical, it is. Jesus is radical in his love for you...if only you would stop rejecting and discounting and see this truth that gives you life and freedom!

This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.
The only messenger out of the twelve Jesus appointed
that died out of old age, 100-110 AD

(10 died in torture or execution according to traditional records, 1 committed suicide after betraying Jesus)

the heart connection

2010-09-05T23:43:00.011+08:00

It's easy to ignore or rattle off the criticisms of someone you don't know...until you not only can put a face to this person who's so different from you, but your heart also connected with his.

I was just waiting for the bus one night and this guy sitting next to me asked me for the time. He had been scribbling notes on a scrap of paper and then tucked it away into his bag. He was dressed in a very neat and proper way. It's kind of Southern. He was waiting for his friend who was late.

We were both going to ask each other a question but somehow I got to ask my question, "So where are you from?" We realized that we had lived in the same state. Of all places in the world! He was the first American I met outside of the US who was from there. He still is.

We started chatting and he said he had been in the region for just a few years already and was looking forward to going back home soon. He said it felt very good to hear someone speak in a way he was familiar with. He sounded maybe more than a little homesick.

It was a really good five-ten minute chat. But when I asked him for his name, his face changed. It was just a short pause and his smile was gone in a quick hesitation. He showed me this plastic tag he had on his neatly pressed shirt that told me he was a Mormon. That would make sense, he was here for a pretty long mission trip.

I told him my name and I talked in a good way about some Mormon missionaries I met who wanted to reach deaf people. Soon after my bus came so I had to go.

I felt sooo overwhelmed on the bus. It was strange but I felt very strongly a flow of compassion coming out from me. It could only be Jesus doing it in my heart like the Bible's records of him feeling immediate love for strangers he met (Mark 6:34, 10:21).

I felt his pain strongly when he had to tell me his name since I asked. It wasn't really a name, just a last name that would typically be all the more generic in the polygamous family structure I think Mormons have. It was a faceless name that had no meaning to the personhood and wonderful personality God had given to this man.

I sensed that he was very lonely in his time here in a foreign country. He was thirsting for a friend who would appreciate him as a person, not as a faceless follower of a belief system. And religion seemed more of a big rock of burden than devotion for him. It seemed like we couldn't be friends now that he told me his name and thus his religious identity. He had to put on his missionary role now..after all, he is here as a missionary.

Now when I think of Mormons, I think of him. This charming man whom I feel pain for because he is defaced and caged in by religion. I was like that once...through my teenage years till I was 20 under the Christian religion.

Jesus, set him free with your truth! He's precious and charming just the way God has created him to be. He has unsurpassable value that you actually already died for him before he was born. Give him courage to find the real Jesus, break all the deceptions that has been bound onto him by Satan and others. Use your people to change his heart as he seeks you. Give him courage to leave his community when the time is right...into your arms and the love of your true followers!

David Choi

2010-08-26T01:11:00.008+08:00

Over the weekend I've been checking out David Choi now that he's in Singapore (for the first time!) for a local musical festival called Baybeats. I have to say that I sure am inspired to do some things I've been holding back for fear of people judging me to be what I'm not. I'm being vague right here but something exciting should be coming up in the next month or two...I'm waiting for ideas from God. Right now there are quite a few playing in my mind as I get around to places every day..

(via Anthony, who flew down from Kuching, Sarawak to see David!)

David, Josh, Jack, Geri, and me after the Meet and Greet at Timbre Old School
Jack flew down from Bangkok just to see David too.

Heading out on the tram at the Night Safari!

The bunch of groupies who kind of chilled out at Night Safari with David.
Kind of because the safari was ok, but the company was great!

Geri, me, David, and Josh

David is incredibly honest and humble. It's easy to talk to him and cast away my image of him as a famous Youtuber when we talked. Like Geri said, it feels like you're just talking comfortably to a friend. I love meeting new people, and I love people like David who takes personal interest in new people, and have no qualms about talking about their own lives.

I'm not a fangirl, but inspired by his workshop about being a Youtube musician, I went to read his bio and the lyrics off his album By My Side. It's really great to know we share a similar vision, i.e. to make music that is meaningful and encouraging. So...I'm just waiting on God to know how I can serve him with my voice, maybe to a deeper extent that what I am doing now, which is basically just singing in my college's chamber choir for the semester, and jamming on and off when we're free..

I don't know. I'm just thinking..so exciting.

At the night safari, he said he would

RESPEKT

2010-08-10T02:49:00.005+08:00

Washing dishes for 8 hours is quite a personal feat, not physically but spiritually. It can only be God who always makes it fun albeit tiring and sometimes boring. It is such good training to train my new self to be humble, and my proud old self to die like a squashed bug. Or in the words of my friend Denesh, I murder my old self.

I've only done it thrice so far. And the aunties do it every day!!! And the moms and sisters of some of my friends in the Philippines..for much longer hours and a pay much lower than thirty times of mine.

RESPEKT.

Maybe we attach too much stigma to dishwashing that people usually respond in pity or shock when I tell them about it. Except my mom, who aches that her precious daughter is literally cleaning up the mess but sees the value of doing it. So she trusts me and lets me do it...she is so amazing.

Washing dishes on Sunday probably beats going to a church service where I take much effort to be physically still and yet not snooze off.... :p God teaches me a lesson about humility and self-denial right there as I wash and dry the dishes, and clear the sink periodically flooded with brownies and fudge. Looks like a clogged toilet haha!

You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
A genocide-leader-turned-Christ-follower to
our family in Ephesus (southwest modern-day Turkey), AD 62

2010-08-04T02:30:00.004+08:00

This morning, my mom had just been feeding Kitty's mom. As usual the cat hissed, and the baby imitated her and hissed at my mom too! And my mom was melted away by its cuteness. It was just going 'om nom nom nom' while it ate the food.

When it got hit, my mom went down to check the situation. The baby's mom mewed at her and kept staring at her even from a far distance. How to help when death happens?

After the baby's body was taken away, its dad and mom came by and kept sniffing at where it got hit, bled, and died.

Just before it rained today, the baby's mom went back again and kept sniffing and licking at the baby's bloodstains.

My mom teared the whole day. She had seen the baby grow up, and she saw the car tire roll the baby over a good two times.

Most of what I've said..it's what my mom saw. She really cares and she's really compassionate.

So many thoughts in my mind right now, running down different lanes...like a highspeed maze.

Today's been a day of grief.

how did we ever start hating them?

2010-08-04T01:52:00.008+08:00

My eyes are sore and tired from bawling and crying and tearing most of today. It probably burned a lot of calories because I felt so tired the whole day.

How did we ever start hating our parents? Thinking they are nags, earsores, and people who take away free time from us?

Somewhere along the line, we've let selfishness eat away at the absolute adoration and pure love we had for our parents when we were little. And we replace this beautiful, innocent love with ungratefulness, getting picky at them and dismissing what they say...all cunningly in the name of independence, self-respect, and privacy.

What a lie we've believed in.

The last time I felt I so safe and loved by my parents when I was hurt was almost 14 years ago. Why had I rejected my mom's hugs and tears when she ached for me when I was hurt ever since then..until today?

How did this isolation ever happen in my life? God, show me. I feel you are showing me these things now because you know I am ready for it. Not to say it won't hurt, but I'm ready for it.

waking up to death of a small baby

2010-08-03T11:07:00.004+08:00

What a cute cat! We had a new baby around the block that looked like this. It belonged to a pair of strays in my area, except that it had blue-green eyes.

(via meejoebee)

When it was born a month ago, it was mewing and mewing while mom went out to find food the whole day so she could nurse it and its other one or two siblings. I never saw them personally until they were about a week-old, but my mom did. She would peer out of the window every day for countless times. When it was about to storm, her heart ached and went out to kitty's mom who hunted for space underneath a car safe enough for her one remaining kitty to play and rest in.

Kitty was one active and playful baby. Once when it started walking, its mom wanted to carry it, but it ducked so that it could walk. Haha! And its mom who had nursed many babies before it was careful to defend it from people. She made good effort to give a good long hiss at us even when we brought food or we just stopped by to look. She wanted as little attention as possible...I guess that tells you how much unwanted attention she's got from people.

And late this morning my mom woke me up to say that a car just drove over kitty. Like literally a moment ago. Kitty liked to play on the wheel, and my mom said Kitty's mom had meowed at it many times to tell it to come down cos it was dangerous. Today, what Kitty's mom feared came true..the wheel rolled over kitty who was playing right on it.

It was spasming in pain for a while and lay limp. Its eyes came out of the socket and blood rolled across the eyeballs. Its tongue was out in foam, and its hairs all stood up - muscle contraction symptomatic of physical death. Its mom licked it once in the tummy and it spasmed for a while, like a baby who jerks for a bit while sleeping.

When I rushed down to look (and my mom for the second time), the sight was more sad than morbid. Kitty's mom hissed at me again and I just looked from afar. The feeling of death.

It was so limp. Now I saw in detail its small paws, with the black paw prints on it. So small and tender, almost like a teddy bear. I couldn't bear to see its distorted face. Squatting and looking at it from its back, this baby looked like it just fell asleep.

Even with so much affection, I couldn't bear to carry the baby to a grass patch away from that parking lot. It was a baby, and it was dead. I felt so uncomfortable, as if the sleeping baby had somehow turned into a morbid body in my mind. My mom, as brave as she is, cringed. She tried to lift the baby by its limp and soft tail, but picked it up on its baby paws instead.

The cleaner in our area knew what happened, and I pleaded him to leave the baby there for its parents. But he came by after we left and dumped it in his trashcart. Its dad and mom were there and came over to sniff where it died to figure out what happened...there goes a month of its mom's intense loving care and protection, and two months of growing it in the womb.

Many kittens in urban areas die within five months of being born from car accidents or trauma.

Death, what a strange thing. Jesus, will there be cats in your new Kingdom?

with my bro and his dawgs

2010-08-03T02:16:00.006+08:00

Jamming with my bro Tim and his army friends for the first time. Tim is the guitarist on my right! The sound quality is imbalanced, but it was otherwise awesome and super fun!

This is my first time jamming in a studio, my first time singing with a rapper. Props to Aloy who actually plays guitar, but decided to rap instead since we were covering these songs.

Love the Way You Lie, Rihanna ft. Eminem
(Camel, Tim, me, Aloy, David)

Airplanes, B.O.B. ft. Hayley Williams

P.S.: I was actually singing with a throat very sore from belting very low notes for fun before that (not gonna do it again T.T). Only God can make such a hurt throat function so well!

Love

2010-07-26T19:26:00.002+08:00

Jaeson Ma, ft. Bruno Mars

taking the rap

2010-07-26T02:23:00.007+08:00

Work has still been fun after a month proper. Of course there are some unpleasant moments but that definitely cannot discount the overall fun. I'll tell you what happened today while sparing you the notsonecessary details.

I was scolded for doing something wrongly though I probably wasn't the person who started it. I must say that a thought did pass me that I should correct it halfway but I ignored it. So it's kind of messy: you can't put a finger to a single person and say, "Ha! You're the culprit. You're wrong."

For maybe like the next twenty minutes, I felt bullied and unjust. The 'scolder' (lol) didn't know the whole story, neither did I. I wasn't smiley as I washed the dishes, and I swallowed whatever tears that was going to come outttt.

Why was I even taking the rap for something that I might not have done? This is not the first time.

I refused to find out whoever started it, and I still do. Not for fear that the culprit might really end up to be me, but because this 'not me' attitude of the world is so poisonously self-preserving.

Then I saw this string of words appear in my mind: "Friendship is taking the rap."

And I don't have to tell the culprit I am taking his/her rap, because I don't want to find out who in the first place. My motives would be more condemning than redemptive if I did.

As I washed the dishes and swallowed my unhappiness, I became more and more convinced that by taking the rap, it was really good for me and the Kingdom of God. The old, self-preserving Daphne dies (since no one can bully a corpse). The new Daphne's focus is kept on eternity since God will bring all these out on the table again for scrutiny and judgment, and all I do now better be up for that, with the righteousness and spiritual riches Christ has given to me.

Then BAM, this thought came that said, "Jesus also took the rap for all of us working here". I believe Jesus would have done the same if he worked here at my workplace.

In my heart, I asked God for comfort, whether I'm the culprit or not. And I thought it would be nice if Train's Hey Soul Sister came up on the radio since it sounded cheery enough to wash away at least some of my unhappiness.

A minute later, Hey Soul Sister came on.

WOW. God is soooo...I don't know. He made every effort to talk to me and comfort me when I was upset right there washing dishes. He really cares for me..as a daughter that he hugs so closely to his heart.

is this thought too radical? i dont know

2010-07-26T02:20:00.002+08:00

Live a life full of love like Jesus and people will kill you if they can.

armchair theoreticians

2010-07-26T02:02:00.005+08:00

I just wrote this, like maybe five minutes ago. I'm hoping to get in to this desk for a monthly paper for my faculty where I get to write what I think. Putting it up here in case this article (or me) doesn't make the cut!

P.S.: I've switched to Century Gothic since UWGB found out that it is the most ecofriendly font (for the Roman alphabet). Saves 30% more ink than EcoFont. Oh but wait, Ecofont might save more paper than Century Gothic.

Armchair theoreticians

Daphne Tan

Each time a person stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring, these ripples build a current that can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance.

Robert F. Kennedy

With knowledge comes empowerment, but often also deception and cynicism. At least that’s what I’ve realized in my own life.

I’m on to my final year now and I’ve learned so much about the world at FASS. It’s intellectually stimulating; I’ve become more appreciative and open-minded towards different opinions and personalities. But the knowledge pretty much stopped there – I was an armchair theoretician with nothing practical to offer humanity in return.

That troubled me. It is so easy to live in our own comfy little bubbles, a parallel universe where only people like us exist: college-educated, middle class, English-speaking, elitist, even…and ignore worldviews and lifestyles different from ours maybe because they seem to threaten our own. Not to mention the denigration and outrageous violence that is happening right here in Southeast Asia, to say the least.

We can evaluate to no end about social injustice, ideological and systemic failures, altruism, grassroots movements and so on, and yet have no compassion for the very people who are oppressed and suffer. Or we can get so caught up with fundraisers and volunteer projects and forget who and what they are meant for. Or judge others for not being as socially sensitive and active as we are, replacing compassion with anger to fuel us to help others.

Have we become too cynical for hope? Being hopeful doesn’t mean being starry-eyed, thinking that we wake up every morning to cotton candy and hot air balloons, and go to bed in Nevereverland. Maybe what true idealism means is to still believe that every of our small act of compassion counts, especially because the world sometimes seems to be too complicated and ugly: our good intentions turn stale or bad. We second-guess people and we assume things since we cannot know every thought of someone else. Theories may be so perfect in themselves, but we are not. All of us live with our own wounds, needs, and desires. Each one of us carries our own creativity, baggage, and personality. Change cannot happen unless we express our opinions about an issue and do something about it.

Have our eagerness to forgive and see the best in the worst of everything when we were kids corroded away into an ugly bitterness apparently justified by knowledge? Getting out of the comfort zone to know the Other takes courage, and sometimes your own friends might even raise eyebrows at you allegedly for being ‘weird’. Life is too short for us to be normal anyway. It’s too boring. With the school year starting again, I’d love to live increasingly by compassion than be contained in my own social recluse. Life like that is more real and exciting.

creating

2010-07-20T02:58:00.007+08:00

With Daryl and Marcus on Sunday night, and Quen and Amelia behind the scene recording this. Thanks Quen for recording and editing the video!

I was introduced to Wordle, a simply ingenious online program that lets you create your own word clouds. I'm using these to draft up a flyer for my community's booth at the orientation fair on campus.

Titled Don't Worry

Ekklesia

And a final one before going to bed - my word cloud on what it means to follow Christ every day.

Alive Again

scum of the earth

2010-07-08T15:32:00.004+08:00

The woman who dropped by for a waffle with avocado ice cream talking to herself nonstop...the tired mom and her Down-syndrome son dead asleep on bus 75 at 10.30pm with their bags full of cans and bottles.

The short guy who was shoeless in KL Sentral. He had a club foot and possibly Down syndrome too. I can't help but wonder...were those men making fun of him? They actually bent over from shrieking in laughter at 8am in the morning. He smiled at them, amused. But around the corner, he was almost running; an awkward violent waving of hands to balance his exaggerated, frantic steps. He bobbed away out of my sight.

Lord, how could I have forgotten? That behind every face lies an ongoing story. Broken dreams and new ones, wounds, and desires. Needs and personalities and a million trains of thought.

How can my heart not be broken? Imagine all the ridicule and unwanted attention they get for being something they didn't choose to be.

This scum of the earth as the world sees it, you use for your kingdom. Use them greatly for your kingdom. The endless joy in them...it's from you. Because they are innocent, deliberately kept from doing evil, and you love them.

"Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him?"

James, to victims of the first institutional persecution
against Christ followers in history in the AD 70s

dream summer job

2010-07-07T01:06:00.006+08:00

Finally a summer job that I've been dreaming of for a year! Come visit me at The Daily Scoop Sunset Way.

(via accidental epicurean)

(via the simplest aphrodisiac)

Beyond the Church Bells

2010-06-19T20:46:00.005+08:00

(via Samaritan's Purse)

"Some yearn to live within the sound of a churchbell, I'd rather run a rescue mission within a yard of hell."

C.T. Studd, early modern missionary to China,
English national cricketer, late 19th. c

ultimate pwnage

2010-06-13T14:28:00.002+08:00

I want to meet Jesus in person...

in the midst of my demonic nightmares
at night or when I am alone threatened by bad images
when I'm having trouble in the bathroom
when I know I've done him proud
when I am sad for my family
when I am walking through dark alleys
when I run to cry in a corner
by my bed every night before I sleep
in NIE and te years of fulfilling my teaching contract
when my mom grieves
at UP's Freedom Park to chill
when I sing or train my voice
every time I laze around on my bed
in the battlefield
at funerals
in the theater when they are screening sinful scenes
and bring him to meet my family
when I am giddy
when I leave this world
when I come back to life after I die

When I was in the Philippines, I saw an image pass by. I know the Evil One deliberately let my brain register an unpleasant image, though it was just split-second image. The image didn't come back, but two days ago, it came back when I was just falling sleep.

For the past two weeks that I've been back, I've been dreaming bad things involving murder or lust. It is Grotesque and in my dream I didn't think about God at all. These days it's not so frequent. I rebuke in Jesus' name and I don't let them affect me.

Last night I watched a really good movie. My only regret was that I deliberately watched some scary scenes though I knew my highly visual self wouldn't be able to keep these images away from my dreams.

I went to bed in the dead of night on guard and wary. I could feel that my room wasn't safe. The demons were playing with my mind, replaying some of the images from the movie and from my nightmares over the past two weeks.

In my heart, there was a strong urge. A voice to write this poem of sorts, to rebuke the demons, and to call out to Jesus. As I wrote the poem, the fear I felt in my bedroom was leaving. For the second time in my life, I was very sure that Jesus was in my room with me. I didn't feel his presence, I knew he was there at 3am with me.

In case you are creeped out, don't be. Evil exists in our hearts, and there is a Mastermind behind all this evil. Of course he is sooo angry he is tearing living people down right now, and he's super-intense about it because he knows he doesn't have much time left (Revelations 12:12). He accuses us incessantly about our imperfections and failures, he wants to devour us so that we cannot bring people under his control back to life through believing and following Jesus (Revelations 12:10; 1 Peter 5:8).

Yesterday I'm so glad Jesus won that battle in my bedroom with me. I claim victory not by my own credits (demons are not impressed by our achievements), but by the blood of Jesus Christ, which has broken the ultimate threat of death the demons have over every human that has lived on earth (Ephesians 1: 20-21, 2: 6-9).

So to sum up: Satan, you suck big time and you have no right to attack me. My Jesus has pwned you left right center.

the singing people of los baños

2010-06-06T19:11:00.008+08:00

The only singing Filipinos I've ever met were the UST singers when they sang at the Esplanade Concert Hall in 2008. I thought that maybe they would somehow be different from the many Filipinos I see in Singapore. Their massively beautiful and dynamic voices must be partly because of their tall and well-built gait.

Then I met the singing folks from the UPLB (Uni. of Philippines Los Baños) Choral Ensemble. They weren't the Anglo-ish giants that I had in my mind, just ordinary folks like me who are really committed and passionate lovers of choral music.

Two of my team mates and I bumped into a group of them (Rommel, Jacob, Jedd, Jae, and Reg) at Freedom Park at the UPLB campus. They were just practicing some songs, chilling at the really chill park, and that's how we all met. Two days later, we were so privileged to be invited to their rehearsal. Nothing's like live good choral music, and their singing brought back some of the vague sounds and wonderful feelings I remember while I still sang with a choir in Singapore.

Then it was time to leave. The five of us had to head back for our next program. And then they decided to sing for us to thank my teammate for translating an Indonesian song for an upcoming competition. Listening to them sing was one thing, listening to them sing for us was another. It was magical.

And they were going to sing one more song, and they invited us to sing with them this time round. That was super-kind of them, especially when it was precious rehearsal time because they were competing two days later! In a flurry of noises, it somehow ended up with just me joining them. They were talking about a certain Singapore Medley, which sounds like a mashup of local folk songs and national songs.

Then the most beautiful thing happened.

They began singing Ikaw!!! I thought we were going to sing the medley thing?!

Ikaw 'You' is about the only Tagalog song I can remember almost in its entirety, thanks to the lyrics that some girls wrote for me while painting my henna tattoo. It's a love song by Sharon Cuneta made famous by Regine Velasquez. Some Filipino men like to sing with their wives at their wedding. I'm still wanting to know which arrangement we sang.

I was too moved and overwhelmed to tear, but I could tell you I was on the verge of it. I'd like to think that this is exactly how I would feel if someone I love got down on his knees to propose to me. Yes, it was that romantic and sweet and lovely.

Singing with them also brought back some of the old fears that haunted me when I sang in the choir. It kind of became a self-fulfilling prophecy and I probably sounded like a pretty timid soprano.

Yet at the same time, their loving on me really moved me.

Do you know how much effort it takes to sing well? It is a very tiring thing. Your whole physical body engages in producing the different tones and tunes, your mind pulls out what you have memorized and and practiced so hard about the song's technicalities, your interpretation of it, and its meanings. On top of that, you put your heart and soul into it - literally - emotionally. It's kind of heart to separate them because I believe singing is a deeply personal (and corporate) thing, but I think you get the point. It is very tiring.

And the song finishes into a momentary silence. We just magically connected looking at one another and singing, and I was very touched.

There was no way we could retain that gift of love that we both gave. It just ended, and it would never happen again. The same feelings, the same people, the same event...that's why I cherish it so much.

My only regret is that we didn't take a picture with everyone there!!! I want to be back again next year and hopefully get to know them more.

The UPLB Choral Ensemble has inspired me. I don't have formal musical or vocal training, I'm small and short, and I only started singing proper in 2005.

But God has given me a voice. A marvelous instrument that shows both how vulnerable, healthy, and attractive I am when I use it. What will I do with it? Jesus warns in the Parable of the Talents that he will take away my singing talent if I do nothing with it, but he will refine my voice by leaps and bounds if I use it for his Kingdom.

To think that I was out at Freedom Park asking God for people I could befriend and hopefully share Jesus with. God has proved to me again that he is in everything and everyone, with Jesus being the fulfillment of this lovely singing episode. If just a song moved me so much, how much more it moves me to know someone died on my behalf so I can live in freedom, hope, and love!

And out of all possibilities, God let our paths cross. What do you have in plan for our new friendships, God?

The UPLB Choral Ensemble
(via Philippine Chorale Wiki)

It's pretty sweet that I can watch their videos on Youtube and go, "Hey! I know him/her!" or "I've seen her before! We actually sung together." Well, at least some of them.

I love how God connects people around the world with their passion for music.

how will life change?

2010-06-06T18:37:00.002+08:00

May 29, 2010

The plane just took off for Singapore.

Goodbye was hasty, and my eyes were shifty. Maybe I should have told people that it's because I'm only wearing contact lens for my right eye and it got a little hard to focus.

I haven't found the black pen I bought in Phils, but I got some kind words of thanks in return. The Caldosas have been so thankful, and they make an effort to express their gratitude together as a family. They amaze and inspire me so much. In them I see a glimpse of the joy, gentleness, and hope my family would have when they follow Jesus Christ. I know it will happen, it is just a matter of time.

Who would I miss? Jason, Salve, Ate Jonalyn, Ramon, Dado, Rommel, Jedd, Jae, Reg, Carlo, Marian, Rose Ann, Lorden, Ate Nora, Ate Viring, Ate Lo, Mathew, Anton, Aldrin, Ailyn, Mark Joseph...Maybe many of their names will fade away in my memories, but God, I know that you have known each of them before the earth was created. You oversaw them in their moms' wombs, and you want to be involved in their desires, interests, and wounds.

How will life back home be like? I will once again return to where I live, where my friends are. How will life change? How will I interact with people? How will I look at people differently? How will I interact with my friends differently?

I can't believe I left you. There was so much goodbye I wanted to say, I'll miss you.

my love letters to you

2010-06-03T12:41:00.003+08:00

May 29, 2010

Oh Phils! If only you would read all these love letters I write to you.

Today I will leave in about five hours' time. It is both sad and amazing that every single combination of events and people will never happen again.

Maybe it's not about 'losing' these moments that will never happen again - they change me. These moments that fade away...they translate into emotions, beliefs, and memories in my heart that will change the way I live and think.

Filipinos are so beautiful.

an overwhelmed heart

2010-05-31T13:50:00.005+08:00

I just got back from a three-week escapade to Los Baños, the Philippines to learn more about God, and how I can serve him through helping people. What I got in return was a super-fascination and excitement about the people, their creativity, and the culture.

They are so beautiful - the women so feminine, the men so charming, the youths and kids so lovely.

I have felt so much in my heart, and I still continue to feel much of it. And it is very overwhelming yet again, for me to come back to Singapore (is it because of her grotesque capitalism and her cruelly distorted fast pace of life?). Overall, I still feel very overwhelmed (in a good way) it is hard for me to put everything in words.

So within this week or two, I will put in here just a few of my journal entries for the last week so you can ease your curiosity.

May 28, 2010

I hate saying goodbye, but I still survived it again yesterday night. Dear God, why do we always have to say goodbye? Even in the perfect world you created, you intended for people to fill the earth. And that means people had to part from each other.

I thank you for helping me live in a way that leaves a good impression on younger girls, and hopefully they recognize that the beauty they see is the beauty of Jesus Christ.

I'm sitting on the floor of the jeepney now, crammed with my team. I see a beautiful view of the Makiling forest as the jeepney drives on. A view that few people see...the 'back' of the forest in reverse time. Even if we drove back along the same route, they would never catch the same view I have.

But this beautiful view is obscured by the silhouettes of my friends all crammed in the vehicle. What little I know of the Phils has been just as beautiful, though I don't know much about it, or even the life stories of each individual I meet. Mysterious and fascinating.

Mahal kita, Phils.

courageous faith

2010-05-31T13:40:00.002+08:00

Not long ago, Mehdi Dibaj had to appear before the judge in Iran. In the courtroom, a defense written by Dibaj himself was read. It sounded like the testimony of a modern Paul. In the next few days we will copy this testimony in abridged form, without trying to rewrite it in devotional form. The testimony speaks for itself.

With all humility I express my gratitude to the Judge of all heaven and earth for this precious opportunity and with brokenness I wait upon the Lord to deliver me from this court trial according to His promise. I also beg the honored members of the court present to listen with patience to my defense and with respect for the name of the Lord.

I am a Christian, a sinner who believes that Jesus has died for my sins on the cross. Jesus paid the penalty for our sins by His own blood and gave us new life so that we can live for the glory of God. He has asked me to deny myself and to be His fully surrendered follower and not fear people even if they kill my body.

I have been charged with “apostasy”. In Islamic law an apostate is one who does not believe in God, the prophets or the resurrection of the dead. We Christians believe in all three.

They say, "You are a Muslim and you have become a Christian." (In many Islamic countries a Muslim who becomes a Christian may receive the death penalty.)

No, for many years I had no religion. After searching and studying, I accepted God’s call and I believed in the Lord Jesus Christ. People choose their religion, but a Christian is chosen by Christ. He says, "You have not chosen me but I have chosen you."

People say, "You were a Muslim from your birth." God says, "You were a Christian from the beginning." A Christian means one who belongs to Jesus Christ.
I would rather have the whole world against me, but know that the Almighty God is with me, or be called an apostate but know that I have the approval of the God of glory. Who can destroy the relationship between the creator and the creature, or defeat a heart that is faithful to God? He will be safe and secure under the shadow of the Almighty. Our refuge is the mercy seat of God. I know in whom I have believed, and He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him to the end, until I reach the Kingdom of God. That is the place where the righteous will shine like the sun, but the evildoers will receive their punishment in hell.
They tell me, "Return!" But who can I return to from the arms of my God? Is it right to accept what people are saying, instead of obeying the Word of God? I have now been walking with the God of miracles for 45 years. His kindness to me is like a shadow and I owe Him so much for His fatherly love and concern.
The love of Jesus has filled all my being and I feel the warmth of His love in every part of my body.
The test of faith is a clear example. The good and kind God tests us in preparation for heaven. The God of Daniel, who protected Daniel’s friends in the fiery furnace, has protected me for nine years in prison. All the bad things that have happened to me have turned out for my good and gain. So much so, that I am filled with joy and thankfulness.

The God of Job has tested my faith and commitment in order to strengthen my patience and faithfulness. During these nine years He has freed me from all my responsibilities so that I could spend my time in prayer and study of His Word, with heart searching and brokenness, and grow in the knowledge of my Lord. I praise the Lord for His unique opportunity. He gave me space in my confinement, my difficult hardships brought healing and His kindness revived me. Oh what great blessings God has in store for those who fear Him.
People object to my evangelizing, but "If you find a blind person near a well and keep silent then you have sinned." (A Persian poem.)
It is our Christian duty, as long as the door of God’s mercy is open, to convince evil doers to turn from their sinful ways and find refuge in Him, in order to be saved from the wrath of a righteous God and from the coming dreadful punishment.

Jesus Christ says, "I am the door. Whosoever enters through me, will be saved." "I am the way, the truth and the life. No-one comes to the Father except through me."
Among the prophets of God, only Jesus Christ rose from the dead, and He is our living intercessor forever. He is our Savior and He is the Son of God. To know Him means to know eternal life.

I, a useless sinner, have believed in Him, and I have committed my life into His hands. Life for me is an opportunity to serve Him, and death is a better opportunity to be with Christ. Therefore, I am not only satisfied to be in prison for the honor of His holy name, but am ready to give my life for the sake of Jesus my Lord and enter His Kingdom sooner. May the shadow of God’s kindness and His hand of blessing and healing be upon you and remain for ever. Amen.

With respect
your Christian prisoner
Mehdi Dibaj

"What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us?"

Dibaj was set free two months after he wrote this "defense" – but was killed soon afterwards. Yet, even though he is dead, he still speaks.

(via Open Doors International)

Goodbye

2010-05-07T21:27:00.003+08:00

Airports.

Sometimes when friends leave, separation is bittersweet. The tears were playing hide-and-seek, I felt a hole that gaped and breathed in my chest.

Suddenly, excitement and many kinds of awesome melts away to uncover the things that have always been there. The sounds of the highway, the mynahs in love, dipping a fry in chili sauce, the tourist's lethargy in the departure hall...the stillness of my footsteps. Since there's no hangout to rush to.

A bittersweet loneliness.

Life is never the same again. It changes, bringing new people in while some old ones leave.

I guess the best part of it all is that many of these friendships last literally for ever.

Bittersweet is beautiful. There's beauty in friendship and beauty in my loneliness for now.

I miss you and I love you. Can't wait to see you again in eternity, if not this life.

Dedicated to Richard Latimer, 景扬, 魏昕, and Andrew Poon,
beautiful people walking on paths that
God decided to cross with mine.

always embracing

2010-05-01T20:46:00.007+08:00

I got off the bus and stepped into an all-familiar warmth that embraced me. The tropical sun that is warm and always gentle, it never bites.

The warmth wrapped around me, first between each of my legs and then my arms. Yes, this is the sun I know since I could remember it. I never realized this, and realizing it made me enjoy my walk home. Suddenly, everyone was walking so fast again, even though it was a lazy Saturday late morning.

Then the short breezes that come and go. They teased my hair and pecked me on the cheek before saying goodbye.

Passing my old apartment, I saw pieces of a red eight of hearts strewn across the floor, its sides neatly cut. But that was too much too bear. It was too cold under shelter, cold and drabby like a damp cell - I needed to feel the lovely embrace again.

And I saw the blue against which the trees were imprinted...

So the skies here are beautiful, it's just that the damp prison cells we live in cover them up away from us.

I smiled, keeping that small piece of hindered blue sky into the locket of skies in my heart. I bring the locket wherever I want to go.

I was home.

That ten-minute walk was simply magical.

dogged defenses?

2010-04-25T18:16:00.007+08:00

So I have some burning questions. I'm curious to know what believers understand of these issues...

1. Are some cultures spiritually or morally superior to other cultures?

2. Are people whom God convicts to leave inferior or superior to those whom God convicts to stay and reform?

3. When people leave a church, the church may spend quite some time and effort to keep in touch with them. Why might they the church be upset that these people don't 'return' though the two sides may be on good terms with each other?

3a) If the way people 'do' church today is the best/most biblical way of expressing Christ's commands ("Love one another", and "Make disciples of all nations"), doesn't that mean that the early believers, and underground believers in North Korea and Cambodia are practicing a deficit faith?

OR

3b) If the way people 'do' church today is a cultural expression of Christ's commands, is this expression superior to other cultural forms of expressions?

I guess it's understandable or maybe even natural for us to make extra-biblical assumptions about different things because we grow up being taught so, and we seldom experience alternatives.

What raises my eyebrows is when we doggedly defend them as biblical truth when it is not in the Bible, or sometimes the Bible warns against it. Lol. Or sometimes we are repeatedly unwilling to check out what God says about these issues in the Bible even though we know that's where we find the truth.

Isn't this why 'Christians' have persecuted one another throughout history, blasphemously, in the name of Jesus Christ? Today, the persecution goes on, more so through verbal violence in the Western/Westernized parts of the world because of modern legal restrictions against physical violence.

Strikingly, nowhere in the New Testament do we find the terms church (ekklesia), temple, or house of God used to refer to a building. To the ears of a first-century Christian, calling an ekklesia (church) a building would have been like calling your wife a condominium or your mother a skyscraper!

George Barna, and Frank Viola in
Pagan Christianity: Exploring the Roots of Our Church Practices (2008).

Just one of the things I wonder about...

I am a followers.

2010-04-21T17:47:00.005+08:00

Warning: some preliminary brain vomit.

At the same time, my butt is going into random spasms wanting to vomit too. HAHAHA. Sorry I couldn't resist making a weird joke, but it's true.

I've been learning about this concept called the entrepreneurial self. This ideology is everywhere, I realized. I mean ideology to be a concept, a way of thinking (not in a bad way since everyone is by nature subjective). We grow up breathing and living on it, at least in Singapore. In layman terms, the entrepreneurial self is someone who relies on himself and is highly capable of voicing his personal views and lifestyle in public spaces. If he needs help, he can rely on the resources he has built up for times like this: friendships, relationships, organizations he joins and contributes to. Others see him to be a burden, a freeloader if he doesn't solve his problems himself.

Originating from the postwar human potential movement from counseling and psychotherapy that emphasized on 'talking your feelings', the entrepreneurial self is valued for his ability to analyze himself and talk about his personal life amazingly in public situations. From this concept we get the notion of "sharing" and "discussion", and our endless sentences that start with "I think", "I feel", and "for me".

I'm not saying that these are bad in themselves. Every generation has their own dominant ideologies, and for our generation, it seems to be increasingly this: in schools, in workplaces, in the government, in clubs and societies, in religious institutions.

I think I am a very entrepreneurial self. Of course it can be difficult sometimes, and I end up feeling like I'm being despised by some people in authority. But I know that I am a good storyteller by God's grace, I can share my personal feelings and stuff like that as you can see from this blog.

If I'm not careful, I will forget that living Jesus is a communal thing. The focus on the individual that came especially from the past two centuries through preachers such as Charles Finney, and D.L. Moody, and the Methodists has pretty much pervaded most of Christianity. As a follower of Jesus Christ, I find myself sometimes thinking culturally in similar individualistic ways as many Christians do.

And I forget that Jesus' key commandment for all believers is "Love one another". I can't love-one-another myself, and if Jesus is right that loving others is the biggest commandment, then community life is integral to living like him. It's not just about having friends who are believers, but obeying and serving the Lord together every day.

Following Jesus is a personal heart-thing and a communal matter. To my generation, I'd like to stress the latter. There has never been a place for individualism in God's family of believers, and I hope we would be careful to live humbly and joyfully in a community of believers too.

Jesus billionaire

2010-04-14T02:51:00.006+08:00

The Prosperity Gospel from The Global Conversation on Vimeo.

People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.
1 Timothy 6: 9-10

You will be made rich in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God.
2 Corinthians 9: 11

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
Galatians 2: 20

Heart change

2010-04-11T16:49:00.005+08:00

Thanks for reading this blog. I have a wish for you, and I believe someone else very close to many people's hearts for thousands of years has the same wish too.

My wish for you is a heart change to love.

A spiritual surgery and renewal
that will take a whole lifetime,
and will make you more and more
charming/beautiful in God's sight.

"It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.
Jesus, preaching on a mountain in 1st c. AD

This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
1 John 4: 9-10

I'm on this constant journey of heart change with many others, constant because it is a daily decision to let Jesus wrench away my selfish motivations and replace it with his love. And I hope you would join me!

we fade away like grass

2010-04-10T23:03:00.003+08:00

I went for my scheduled ambulance run at jurong firestation today from 8am-9pm. Initially it was all quiet and dull. The dispatch radio stayed silent, time just seemed to pass ever so slowly. I was eagerly anticipating the siren to go off and itching to get some action. Just as I was slumped in my chair enjoying a mid-afternoon nap, I got my wish. The sirens blared and the announcement that I had imagined the whole morning in my mind pierced the silence in the dreary firepost. "Alpha 411 mobilize!" Ok those weren't the actual words but that was all that registered. I sprang out my drowsy state, grabbed my steth and followed the paramedic.

All i knew about the call was that it was a road traffic accident along PIE. Along the way further updates were passed through the radio and the paramedic informed me to brace myself as we were in for a very serious RTA case. "1 collapse case and 1 amputation case - Jon, take the defibrillator and follow the medic and update me on the status of the patient, I'll be with the other casualty". Right after delivering his instructions, the paramedic phoned for back-up. Nothing the paramedic said could have prepared me for the sight at the scene. I stepped out of the ambulance and saw 2 motionless bodies, 2 damaged lorries, 1crushed motorcycle and lots of debris/flung-off cargo spread across the entire width of the expressway. Police officers were already at the scene diverting oncoming traffic to the side road. The lorry driver ran up to me, face-bloodied, asking to be attended to. On hindsight I think the medic brushed him off and asked him to wait in the ambulance first as we would tend to the other 2 victims first.

As I ran towards the 1st victim, a middle aged Indian, the severity of the accident started to sink in. To my horror I saw him lying prone, covered with blood and torn bags of rice; all that was left of his left leg was a stump. I needed a few moments to scan the surrounding area and noticed his severed leg lying 10meters away in front of the badly damaged lorry. The paramedic then motioned for me to go over to the motorcyclist and check his pulse. I wheeled the stretcher over, knelt down over his motionless body and placed my 2 fingers over his radial artery praying and hoping that I would feel something pulsating. His eyes were open and fixed, no sign of breathing and his body was contorted. 10s, no pulse. I tried again and I thought I felt a tready faint pulse and told the medic. Help came and the medic pronounced him dead, no pulse and likely spinal cord injury. No defib needed, not even CPR. Another ambulance arrived and our team rushed back to 411 and attended to the lorry driver who was by now complaining about difficulty breathing with blood in his nose. He sustained maxillofacial lacerations but was otherwise stable. Just set an IV line and gave supplemental O2. I was still kindda reeling in shock on the way to NUH and it was obvious that the paramedics were quite taken aback as well.

It just dawned on me that its so true, the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Even as I watched the video footage on the news I was reminded about the fragility of life. How often we feel we're in control of our life, that we're powerful and invincible when God can just take that away in an instant. And life is such a beautiful thing that i'm guilty of taking for granted. Today's close encounter with death has further reinforced my desire to do medicine, though very often there's seemingly not much you can do, I believe the value of life itself far surpasses everything and that despite our limitations we ought to give it due respect. I have a queer habit of sometimes putting my palm against my chest and feeling my own heartbeat. Its intriguing, how this awesome muscular organ can keep beating without ever tiring. Somehow it makes me feel vulnerable, and to make the most of each day (i find it really hard!), and reminds me that God should be in control. And yeah, I'm definitely reconsidering biking in the future.

(via Jon, a Medicine undergrad. He doesn't blog but he's let me put his story up here.)

The Killing Man

2010-04-06T19:45:00.005+08:00

Pat
04/17/07 at 02:48 PM

Yes, I Gas Dogs and Cats for a Living.
I'm an Animal Control officer in a very small town in central North Carolina.
I'm in my mid thirties, and have been working for the town in different positions since high school.

There is not much work here, and working for the county provides good pay and benefits for a person like me without a higher education. I'm the person you all write about how horrible I am.

I'm the one that gasses the dogs and cats and makes them suffer. I'm the one that pulls their dead corpses out smelling of Carbon Monoxide and throws them into green plastic bags. But I'm also the one that hates my job and hates what I have to do.

First off, all you people out there that judge me, don't. God is judging me, and I know I'm going to Hell. Yes, I'm going to hell. I wont lie, it's despicable, cold, cruel and I feel like a serial killer. I'm not all to blame, if the law would mandate spay and neuter, lots of these dogs and cats wouldn't be here for me to gas. I'm the devil, I know it, but I want you people to see that there is another side to me the devil Gas Chamber man.
The shelter usually gasses on Friday morning.

Friday's are the day that most people look forward to, this is the day that I hate, and wish that time will stand still on Thursday night. Thursday night, late, after no one is around, my friend and I go through a fast food line, and buy 50 dollars worth of cheeseburgers and fries, and chicken. I'm not allowed to feed the dogs on Thursday, for I'm told that they will make a mess in the gas chamber, and why waste the food.
So, Thursday night, with the lights still closed, I go into the saddest room that anyone can every imagine, and let all the doomed dogs out out their cages.

I have never been bit, and in all my years doing this, the dogs have never fought over the food. My buddy and I, open each wrapper of cheeseburger and chicken sandwich, and feed them to the skinny, starving dogs. They swallow the food so fast, that I don't believe they even taste it. There tails are wagging, and some don't even go for the food, they roll on their backs wanting a scratch on their bellies. They start running, jumping and kissing me and my buddy. They go back to their food, and come back to us. All their eyes are on us with such trust and hope, and their tails wag so fast, that I have come out with black and blues on my thighs.. They devour the food, then it's time for them to devour some love and peace. My buddy and I sit down on the dirty, pee stained concrete floor, and we let the dogs jump on us. They lick us, they put their butts in the air to play, and they play with each other. Some lick each other, but most are glued on me and my buddy.

I look into the eyes of each dog. I give each dog a name.
They will not die without a name.
I give each dog 5 minutes of unconditional love and touch.
I talk to them, and tell them that I'm so sorry that tomorrow they will die a gruesome, long, torturous death at the hands of me in the gas chamber.
Some tilt their heads to try to understand.
I tell them, that they will be in a better place, and I beg them not to hate me.

I tell them that I know I'm going to hell, but they will all be playing with all the dogs and cats in heaven.
After about 30 minutes, I take each dog individually, into their feces filled concrete jail cell, and pet them and scratch them under their chins.
Some give me their paw, and I just want to die. I just want to die.
I close the jail cell on each dog, and ask them to forgive me.

As my buddy and I are walking out, we watch as every dog
is smiling at us and them don't even move their heads.
They will sleep, with a full belly, and a false sense of security.

As we walk out of the doomed dog room, my buddy and I go to the cat room. We take our box, and put the very friendly kittens and pregnant cats in our box. The shelter doesn't keep tabs on the cats, like they do the dogs.

As I hand pick which cats are going to make it out, I feel like I'm playing God, deciding whose going to live and die.
We take the cats into my truck, and put them on blankets in the back.

Usually, as soon as we start to drive away, there are purring cats sitting on our necks or rubbing against us.
My buddy and I take our one way two hour trip to a county that is very wealthy and they use injection to kill animals.

We go to exclusive neighborhoods, and let one or two cats out at a time.

They don't want to run, they want to stay with us. We shoo them away, which makes me feel sad.
I tell them that these rich people will adopt them, and if worse comes to worse and they do get put down, they will be put down with a painless needle being cradled by a loving veterinarian.

After the last cat is free, we drive back to our town.
It's about 5 in the morning now, about two hours until I have to gas my best friends.

I go home, take a shower, take my 4 anti-anxiety pills and drive to work.. I don't eat, I can't eat.
It's now time, to put these animals in the gas chamber. I put my ear plugs in, and when I go to the collect the dogs, the dogs are so excited to see me, that they jump up to kiss me and think they are going to play.
I put them in the rolling cage and take them to the gas chamber. They know. They just know. They can smell the death.. They can smell the fear.
They start whimpering, the second I put them in the box.
The boss tells me to squeeze in as many as I can to save on gas.

He watches. He knows I hate him, he knows I hate my job.
I do as I'm told. He watches until all the dogs, and cats (thrown in together) are fighting and screaming. The sounds is very muffled to me because of my ear plugs.
He walks out, I turn the gas on, and walk out.

I walk out as fast as I can. I walk into the bathroom, and I take a pin and draw blood from my hand. Why? The pain and blood takes my brain off of what I just did.
In 40 minutes, I have to go back and unload the dead animals. I pray that none survived, which happens when I over stuff the chamber. I pull them out with thick gloves, and the smell of carbon monoxide makes me sick. So does the vomit and blood, and all the bowel movements. I pull them out, put them in plastic bags.

They are in heaven now, I tell myself. I then start cleaning up the mess, the mess, that YOU PEOPLE are creating by not spay or neutering your animals. The mess that YOU PEOPLE are creating by not demanding that a vet come in and do this humanely. You ARE THE TAXPAYERS, DEMAND that this practice STOP!

So, don't call me the monster, the devil, the gas man, call the politicians, the shelter directors, and the county people the devil. Heck, call the governor, tell him to make it stop.

As usual, I will take sleeping pills tonight to drown out the screams I heard in the past, before I discovered the ear plugs. I will jump and twitch in my sleep, and I believe I'm starting to hallucinate.

This is my life. Don't judge me. Believe me, I judge myself enough.
Bad thing is I'm just as much a devil as Pat is, doomed for condemnation. Many times I have hurt people like Pat in ways I don't know or choose to ignore.

(via New York Bird Club)

"The command was meant to bring life, but for me it brought death. This happened so that I could see what sin is really like; the command was used to show that sin is very evil. Just as everyone must die once and then be judged, so Christ was offered as a sacrifice one time to take away the sins of many people."
Romans 7: 10, 13; Hebrews 9: 27-28

Jesus, thank you for freeing me from myself and from my wounds and trauma to follow you! And love your animals, and your people.

my personal ad

2010-04-03T02:12:00.005+08:00

I've been writing so much for my papers the past week that if I write anymore, I will probably kill myself.

Just kidding, you know it!

I'm desperate for hangout buddies, but so happens that people are busy this weekend especially with Easter. My friends tell me I can chill at home, but that's what I've been doing this week, on top of drawing and writing quite a number of letters. I have to say it is God's grace that he let me chill and finish a lot of homework.

So, please hang out with me if you see this (I'm assuming you're my friend, that is)! Text or call me.

Plan B
Climb Bukit Timah hill, maybe twice.
Give free hugs downtown over the weekend
(that should burn a lot of time!)
Run.
Go on a reading date with myself at Botanic Gardens
Write a book. which is unlikely. LOL
Eat bugs, which is highly unlikely.
So is eating cat meat as they do somewhere else.
~~Maybe draw some more if I'm inspired.~~

Yeah, so hang out with meeeee.

王力宏先生

2010-03-26T00:19:00.003+08:00

Dedicated to 王力宏 who will finally return to Hebei, China, tomorrow (Mar. 27) night after three years of wages promised but not given, under the unexpected oppression by ruthless employers.
Thank you for teaching me faith and frustration, my brother.

---------------------------

The many faces behind a building
do you see it?
The walls that hide them
and Cut them
off the rest of the world.

Do you see clearly the eye
that sparks are eating away
The neck that we crush
Mercilessly - right now
All a bloody fun mess.

I'm beside you, I'm with you.
Was I not whipped endlessly
in a bloody fun mess?
Was I not spit upon - naked, crying, trembling
no dignity?

Was I not abandoned by everyone
WAS I NOT ABANDONED BY GOD...for you?

Yet I chose this path,
because I love you.

Don't be afraid to
say I'm afraid or
Sorry.

I love you. Follow me beyond the walls, the mess, the cross, the world...to Love.

"And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.
God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him."
1 John 4:16

Without a rich heart, wealth is an ugly beggar.

2010-03-21T15:35:00.007+08:00

The heavens must have decided to play some kinda joke with me. After a month's worth of dry weather, it decided to rain the entire day today, on the exact day that I planned to go to the marina barrage with some friends from French class for a picnic. Alors, tant pis, we had a decent enough day with chatting over coffee and shopping, gloomy weather notwithstanding.

The ESP Blackshot competition organised by the ESP Club was held on Friday evening, so I rushed back to the simulations lab after French tutorial. Turns out we over catered, so we had something like 5 trays worth of food unfinished with everyone already bursting at the seams. Unwilling to throw away what was perfectly good food, we decided to pass it to the workers in the building who were still working on the renovations. It was a hellish scene that greeted us when we exited the lift. Compared to our brightly lit and relatively clean floor, this one was very dark with sporadic light sources. Our noses were assaulted by a nauseating combination of sweat and aerosols. We saw an Indian worker painting the wall while wearing a mask. Unfortunately he wasn't wearing protective goggles and his right eye was visibly inflamed.

When I saw that, all my comparatively trivial thoughts vanished and got replaced by a sense of guilt. Here we are complaining about our lives, fretting over our grades and weight while these people are in need of so much compassion. In our design projects labs, protective gloves and goggles are required even with almost no chance of infection. For the poor worker, the state of his eyes and health are simply not worth the cost of a pair of goggles. In the end we had to put the food trays on the only clear surface in the dimly lit room, knowing full well that it'll get contaminated soon enough by the drilling occurring right above it but grateful for the chance to do something good for these people, evidenced by the thankful smiles on their faces as we left. I did construction work before during my NS days and I immediately recognized the exhausted looks on their faces. Construction is shit work, muscles you never knew you had ache constantly and your brain just slows to a crawl. They were working at night so as to minimize the disturbance to the researchers and admin staff working in the building, but it meant that visibility was poor and I wouldn't be surprised if accidents happened.

To me, this exemplifies exactly what's wrong with our society. We consider ourselves kind and compassionate, yet we would rather splurge money on dainty parities or our precious pets than do something for our fellow human beings. Parents would pay close to half a million dollars to send their kids overseas than buy lunch for the workers renovating their house. Teenagers have money to spend days at a cafe and on clothes while engineering graduates from India become construction workers in Singapore because it pays better than an engineering job back home. Yet we shun them like the plague and complain when they want to build a dormitory in our neighborhood. It's just like the mother with 2 daughters who wrote into the forum complaining of smelly NSFs taking the public transport and demanding that they should be banned. I wonder if she'll still say the same after both her daughters get raped by enemy soldiers with her powerless to intervene.

So lest we get caught up in the rat race and self importance, I think it's a stark reminder of the suffering in the world. On my deathbed, I don't want to ask myself exactly what I've done in my life other than the accumulation of wealth and power and be unable to answer. I quote from Matthew 25:37-40. 'Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and cloth you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?' The king will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.''

Some food for thought. (:

(via Alvin)

Let him sit alone in silence,
for the LORD has laid it on him.
Let him bury his face in the dust—
there may yet be hope.
Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him,
and let him be filled with disgrace.

For men are not cast off
by the Lord forever.
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion,
so great is his unfailing love.
For he does not willingly bring affliction
or grief to the children of men.

To crush underfoot
all prisoners in the land,
to deny a man his rights
before the Most High,
to deprive a man of justice—

would not the Lord see such things?

Lamentations 3:28-36

Esther

2010-03-19T22:42:00.011+08:00

Today my sister was gone, like lost. She was lost for something like over three hours, un-contactable and she forgot her house keys...and she's only 10! Turning 11 next Sunday to be exact. I wasn't there when it happened, but it sure was so terrible yet peaceful at the same time trying to get to the mall my sis last was so I could find her.

First it felt surreal, then it became a strange mix of peace and occasional bouts of tears while I was trying to get to the mall my sis was last at. I really cannot imagine how it'd be like if we lost our precious little girl. She brings so much joy and affection to the family. I didn't find her at the mall, because my sis CALLED (?!) to say she was home.

Turns out she had been a refugee at my neighbor's, and she didn't know my mum was already home.

When I got home, my sis was crying sooo badly. Not because she was scared - she was heartbroken to know that my mum was crying over her and cooking dinner at the same time after she couldn't find her at the mall.

Isn't that the same about my Dad above with me, and every person on earth? I don't think I've any idea how heartbroken He is when one of his own refuses him despite their captivity...even to the point of no return for eternity. That also means I have absolutely no idea how much joy there is when God says he's found another of his child back! That's me! And countless many other believers. I will possibly never fully understand how precious I am as a daughter in my parents' eyes. And in God's eyes too.

I love a saying by the Chinese: 儿女是父母心头上的一块肉, lit. 'children are a big piece of flesh off their parents' hearts'.

I'm soo glad for friends who know and love my sis for the silly things she does (I keep a log of these things on Twitter). Thanks for worrying and rejoicing with me - I know that's God's love pouring through your calls, texts, and prayers. My mum especially appreciates it so much.

And so:

To my dear gas-farting, shorts-grabbing, nose-picking, Asian drama-stalking, shriek-laughing, homework-asking, sleep-posing, Runescape-Mafia Wars-Restaurant City-Pet Society-Plock-playing, song-crooning, Taylor Swift-loving, viral video-watching sister...

I love you.

meow

2010-03-17T11:58:00.001+08:00

under construction

2010-03-16T14:37:00.006+08:00

I'm such a noob at html, so while I fix stuff please bear with the funny title about a yellow bird from my old layout, and the links on top that don't work!

I am doing good these days. I'm busier this week with more schoolwork, but this week has started off very well so far. My definition of 'well' being emotionally moving and provoking.

I saved a few-days-old baby cat from a drain gushing with rainwater; someone very poor by Singapore's standards treated me to a very precious lunch (and he is a brother in Christ so I will see him forever!). The mum of this kid I tutor told me many stories about how God is using her and her maid right now amongst her neighbors - they don't go out a lot because of some obligations, so God brings people to them online, through texts, or even 'coincidences' like having someone coming to Christ because she picked up the maid's verse cards that dropped off on the street. OUT OF THE WORLD I tell you.

Today, I slept in to a cool morning, away from the ferociously sunny and humid weather nowadays.

I am also learning that it can be so difficult to stay true to what I believe Christ has convicted in my heart to live out, both among believers and non-believers. I am really glad that I'm not facing this alone because of friends like Yvonne, Olie, and a few others who are there to listen.

Maybe self-denial and slavery to Christ is the way to go: not focusing on what I really desire, and whether it's been met, but being genuinely interested in them and their lives. Right now, I just don't feel like serving them, or even hang out with some. Sometimes I assume that believers are perfect and now I get disillusioned that they aren't. Hmm..

Hope

2010-03-01T09:46:00.002+08:00

Hope is strength to walk along, and music to my song - I’ll be redeemed.
Light a fire in the cold; buy me back where I am sold.
I’ll be redeemed.
All the waves of time are crashing, and our innocence is gone...

Stay when dirt is on my face from my ravaging and waste. I’ll be redeemed.
Stay close when sand is at my feet. Let me hear the parting sea.
I’ll be redeemed.
If I wait till light is shining, I may never find the day.

So quick to turn from promise
So quick to ask the questions
So softly the moon shines down tonight and all my soul is silent.

Hope, I’ll be waiting, I’ll be holding on to
I am never knowing, so I’ll be holding on to
hope

Hope, Alli Rogers
Get her free music here (it's legal).

Movie list

2010-02-28T15:05:00.007+08:00

shopping

2010-02-21T19:20:00.006+08:00

Today I went shopping! Mostly grocery, body products, and little trinkets. I wanna pack my own lunch to class again.

I bought Melrose's Brazil Nut and Linseed Oil spread, Dr. Organic's Pomegranate lip balm, and lavender soap from Holland and Barrett. Can you believe it? Organic shops are sprouting even in residential hoods like mine! This British company just opened six stores in Singapore...finally something else accessible to choose from aside bogus-natural Body Shop stuff :D

I also got a really pretty tunic and some glass and metal bangles from India, in Little India. Turns out I wasn't needed at Little India for some transcribing work, so I had the whole evening to myself. What a great way to wind down and get ready for classes again after spring break.

I also think that now what my mum says makes a lot of sense. There's not a lot of point in me using all this nice natural stuff if I don't get my sleeping hours right. Because my meal times get messed up, and my body can't rest well.

This week, I'm gonna make subs for lunch: Australian cheddar, cheap ham, lettuce, carrots, yellow tomatoes. I also stocked up on hazelnuts and Brazil nuts, yay!

I'll go to bed at midnight today.

蕭敬騰

2010-02-16T01:41:00.002+08:00

蕭敬騰, March 13, at Singapore Indoor Stadium, anyone?

Second time I'm blogging about him, now. I still hold that he is the best Taiwanese singer now :D

ENFP

2010-02-08T00:07:00.003+08:00

Hey I'm an ENFP! 25% Extraverted, 38% Intuitive 75% Feeling, 11% Sensing.

As an ENFP, your primary mode of living is focused externally, where you take things in primarily via your intuition. Your secondary mode is internal, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit in with your personal value system.

ENFPs are warm, enthusiastic people, typically very bright and full of potential. They live in the world of possibilities, and can become very passionate and excited about things. Their enthusiasm lends them the ability to inspire and motivate others, more so than we see in other types. They can talk their way in or out of anything. They love life, seeing it as a special gift, and strive to make the most out of it.

ENFPs have an unusually broad range of skills and talents. They are good at most things which interest them. Project-oriented, they may go through several different careers during their lifetime. To onlookers, the ENFP may seem directionless and without purpose, but ENFPs are actually quite consistent, in that they have a strong sense of values which they live with throughout their lives. Everything that they do must be in line with their values. An ENFP needs to feel that they are living their lives as their true Self, walking in step with what they believe is right. They see meaning in everything, and are on a continuous quest to adapt their lives and values to achieve inner peace. They're constantly aware and somewhat fearful of losing touch with themselves. Since emotional excitement is usually an important part of the ENFP's life, and because they are focused on keeping "centered", the ENFP is usually an intense individual, with highly evolved values.

An ENFP needs to focus on following through with their projects. This can be a problem area for some of these individuals. Unlike other Extraverted types, ENFPs need time alone to center themselves, and make sure they are moving in a direction which is in sync with their values. ENFPs who remain centered will usually be quite successful at their endeavors. Others may fall into the habit of dropping a project when they become excited about a new possibility, and thus they never achieve the great accomplishments which they are capable of achieving.

Most ENFPs have great people skills. They are genuinely warm and interested in people, and place great importance on their inter-personal relationships. ENFPs almost always have a strong need to be liked. Sometimes, especially at a younger age, an ENFP will tend to be "gushy" and insincere, and generally "overdo" in an effort to win acceptance. However, once an ENFP has learned to balance their need to be true to themselves with their need for acceptance, they excel at bringing out the best in others, and are typically well-liked. They have an exceptional ability to intuitively understand a person after a very short period of time, and use their intuition and flexibility to relate to others on their own level.

Because ENFPs live in the world of exciting possibilities, the details of everyday life are seen as trivial drudgery. They place no importance on detailed, maintenance-type tasks, and will frequently remain oblivous to these types of concerns. When they do have to perform these tasks, they do not enjoy themselves. This is a challenging area of life for most ENFPs, and can be frustrating for ENFP's family members.

An ENFP who has "gone wrong" may be quite manipulative - and very good it. The gift of gab which they are blessed with makes it naturally easy for them to get what they want. Most ENFPs will not abuse their abilities, because that would not jive with their value systems.

ENFPs sometimes make serious errors in judgment. They have an amazing ability to intuitively perceive the truth about a person or situation, but when they apply judgment to their perception, they may jump to the wrong conclusions.

ENFPs who have not learned to follow through may have a difficult time remaining happy in marital relationships. Always seeing the possibilities of what could be, they may become bored with what actually is. The strong sense of values will keep many ENFPs dedicated to their relationships. However, ENFPs like a little excitement in their lives, and are best matched with individuals who are comfortable with change and new experiences.

Having an ENFP parent can be a fun-filled experience, but may be stressful at times for children with strong Sensing or Judging tendancies. Such children may see the ENFP parent as inconsistent and difficult to understand, as the children are pulled along in the whirlwind life of the ENFP. Sometimes the ENFP will want to be their child's best friend, and at other times they will play the parental authoritarian. But ENFPs are always consistent in their value systems, which they will impress on their children above all else, along with a basic joy of living.

ENFPs are basically happy people. They may become unhappy when they are confined to strict schedules or mundane tasks. Consequently, ENFPs work best in situations where they have a lot of flexibility, and where they can work with people and ideas. Many go into business for themselves. They have the ability to be quite productive with little supervision, as long as they are excited about what they're doing.

Because they are so alert and sensitive, constantly scanning their environments, ENFPs often suffer from muscle tension. They have a strong need to be independent, and resist being controlled or labelled. They need to maintain control over themselves, but they do not believe in controlling others. Their dislike of dependence and suppression extends to others as well as to themselves.

ENFPs are charming, ingenuous, risk-taking, sensitive, people-oriented individuals with capabilities ranging across a broad spectrum. They have many gifts which they will use to fulfill themselves and those near them, if they are able to remain centered and master the ability of following through.

Jungian functional preference ordering for ENFP:
Dominant: Extraverted Intuition
Auxiliary: Introverted Feeling
Tertiary: Extraverted Thinking
Inferior: Introverted Sensing
An online consulting webpage

I think the description is very true, EXCEPT that the Self that I'm supposed to reconnect with is DEAD. On the contrary, self-preservation might be one of the concepts I am increasingly disliking because it stops me from following Jesus Christ in his radical and true form per Matthew 14:24. As a follower of Christ, I can proudly say that God helps me reconnect with him through the Holy Spirit, who bears witness to what Jesus has said and his very own nature.

It is purely by God's grace that he helps me interact and learn from people who are opposites in terms of their worldviews and the way they do things, like the detail-oriented people, or people who are highly organized.

Keirsey's behavior-based analysis of Idealists (ENFP is a subcategory) says that Idealists look to the spiritual as the gist of the life. They're very harsh on themselves when they violate their personal integrity and principles. Ok I guess that is me..

How do they know I get muscle tension??? Creepy...

a story behind every face

2010-01-27T01:55:00.001+08:00

If Michael had not come into our lives it would have been extremely different. With all that being said, we have a different view of life now. We view everybody different than we did. We realized that there’s a need out there that we didn’t really know about. We were living in our own little cocoon. You tend to realize that there is a lot going on out there that you’re not aware of and it brought so much to light. Even relationship aspect-wise, it all brought us closer together. We had that common bond. We went through trenches that a lot of other families don’t go through.

We came out of this as a stronger family. I’m thankful. I also think that we are so much aware of all people now and feelings and their needs. You don’t know what the guy next to you has going on. He’s got mud on his shoes or a tattoo. We’re so quick to judge. We are so, so quick to judge. You don’t know the worth of that person or what they could contribute to society. We tend to put labels on people. There’s a lot of things that we’ve come through so much, I think, the better.

Leigh Ann Touhy on SheKnows.com

Muddy conscience

2010-01-25T15:47:00.005+08:00

(the daryl sng blog)

I cannot accept that to be realistic means to tolerate misery, violence and hate. I do not believe that the hungry man should be treated as subversive for expressing his suffering. I shall never accept that the law can be used to justify tragedy, to keep things as they are, to make us abandon our ideas of a different world. Law is the path of liberty, and must as such open the way to progress for everyone.
Oscar Arias Sánchez

Do not exploit the poor because they are poor
and do not crush the needy in court,
for the LORD will take up their case
and will plunder those who plunder them.
God

Rescue those being led away to death;
hold back those staggering toward slaughter.
If you say, "But we knew nothing about this,"
does not he who weighs the heart perceive it?
Does not he who guards your life know it?
Will he not repay each person according to what he has done?
God

God, I don't have a clear conscience about this. Thank you for forgiving me, and for purifying all unrighteousness in me. You demand perfection, and yet you say I am lying if I claim to be flawless as a follower of Jesus. Thank you for according me righteousness and goodness in your eyes because I believe that this was the purpose of you killing your Son for me. You also promised me that you will complete the process of refining me and it will take my whole life.

So...as wounded and bleeding as I am, I know you love me for eternity. I love you too, Jesus, for dying for me before I was born on the road for condemnation and eternal guilt and suffering.

Open Doors

2010-01-20T22:45:00.006+08:00

Believers like Daniel need
our prayer and support.

Wherever Open Doors teams are at work, our efforts are focused on enabling Christians to stand strong… to hold fast to their “shield of faith” in the Lord Jesus… no matter what “days of evil” confront them.

For some, the opposition they encounter is extreme. Daniel, a secret believer from a highly restricted country in North Africa, is just one brother for whom your prayers have made such a difference. During his recent imprisonment, Daniel was beaten with a knotted rope, forced to lie in human excrement, and kept in solitary confinement in a tiny cell. “Please pray for endurance and perseverance for believers who are facing this persecution,” asks Daniel. “We need your prayer and support. Please be with us.”

Your prayers for believers like Daniel can help believers across the Muslim world to keep on raising the “shield of faith” in the year ahead.

From January Frontline Faith, Open Doors USA

2010-01-20T22:35:00.000+08:00

Gerhard Hamm

Lord, teach us to pray.
(Luke 11:1)

I am so grateful to my parents for having taught us to pray. And above all, for having been praying people themselves.

We saw the value and the power of prayer in our parents. Father was shot and killed for it and mother deported to Siberia, where she died. We, their children, have never considered this a tragic loss, but a spiritual victory.

Their prayers were taken up to heaven by angels and put into golden censers (Revelation 8:3,4). And their prayers were heard. They had twenty children, ten of whom are dead now, and many of them died in Siberia. We, the remaining ten children, suffered much in Siberia, but God has been good and merciful to us. All ten have become servants of the Lord. In times of severe persecution, we saw how our parents found strength in the Lord, through prayer and faith. We want to follow in their footsteps and go on. Do our children see the power of prayer in us?

"Lord, teach us to pray."

Writer for the month: Gerhard Hamm from Russia spent many years in prison and labor camps in Northern Siberia.

View an interactive Map of the worst 50 countries of
persecution.

Follow us on Twitter for instant prayer updates.

1/19/2010

2010-01-20T22:24:00.004+08:00

Paul

Paul had world vision. All nations must hear the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

He preferred to go to places as yet unreached. He visited strategic centers out of which the whole world could be reached in the quickest and best way.

He worked from that well known principle Urbi et Orbi, the town and the world. It is surprising what such a man was able to achieve in such a short time and with so little material. For that he paid a price. He sacrificed everything, even friendship.

Turkey, Greece, Italy and Spain can be reached by us in just a few days, but for Paul in his circumstances, it was an almost impossible task. But he did it. He was able to say at a given moment, "But now that there is no more place for me to work in these regions..." (Romans 15:23).

Today the Lord gives us all the materials, all the technical know-how and all the possibilities to reach the whole world with the Gospel. The harvest remains plentiful, especially in lands which for many decades were closed to missionary work. The workers are few, people of vision and faith; people who are prepared to pay the price; those who dare to give up security for an unsure future; those who have a vision for the world; who dare to say "the world is my church" instead of "the church is my world."

Pray, therefore, that the Lord of the harvest will send forth workers and be prepared to be the answer to your own prayers.

View an interactive Map of the worst 50 countries of persecution.

12/2/09

It has always been my ambition to preach the Gospel where Christ was not known, so that I would not be building on someone else’s foundation. Rather it is written: those who were not told about him will see, and those who have not heard will understand.
(Romans 15:20-21)

Douchebag

2010-01-18T22:49:00.004+08:00

I would call myself what a friend calls himself when he feels trashy.

Douchebag.

If not for God's rich mercy (Ephesian 2:4), and endless forgiveness (1 John 1:9-10).

Tell me. Is there ANY WAY for me to feel like I DESERVE my disobedience to God, and I can MAKE UP FOR THE WRONG I'VE DONE???

No.

That's why my Father of beautiful perfection sacrificed his Son to pay for the impossible, un-payable spiritual debt I owe to him.

Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law. The commandments, "Do not commit adultery," "Do not murder," "Do not steal," "Do not covet," and whatever other commandment there may be, are summed up in this one rule: "Love your neighbor as yourself." Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.

Romans 13:8-10

I think I will go and ask two people for forgiveness now. I put this out in public so I can't chicken out from shame and awkwardness in order to do the right thing :S

that's a lot of slaves

2010-01-12T11:52:00.005+08:00

1/11/2010

Dear Dalit Champion,

President Obama has declared today, January 11, as International Human Trafficking Awareness Day and the start of a month-long, nationwide human trafficking awareness campaign: National Slavery and Human Trafficking Prevention Month. The campaign ends on February 12, 2010, Abraham Lincoln's birthday.

The State Department estimates that 14,500-17,500 people are trafficked into the United States each year for modern-day slavery. These numbers do not reflect the estimated 100,000 minors that are trafficked within U.S. borders into prostitution, or the uncounted individuals that never receive services or law enforcement intervention.

The numbers in India are far more staggering.

Former ambassadors of the Trafficking in Persons Office at the U.S. State Department, Mark Logan, wrote in 2007 that the largest democracy in the world has the largest number of bonded slaves. On November 15, 2008, in New Delhi, the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court of India, the Honorable Justice K.G. Balakrishan, stated in a public address, "The scourge of human trafficking needs no introduction. Every year, millions of individuals are trafficked all over the world and are coerced into living conditions that amount to slavery, forced labor and servitude." At the same event, the Honorable Dr. Justice Arijit Pasayat of the Supreme Court of India stated that there was no bigger problem in India today than human trafficking. Also in May 2009, India's Home Secretary, Madhukar Gupta, remarked that at least 100 million people were involved in human trafficking in India. A statement from the Central Bureau of Investigation added that "studies and surveys sponsored by the Ministry of Women and Child Development estimate that there are about 3 million prostitutes in the country, of which an estimated 40% or 1.2 million, are children."

The U.S. can play an essential and constructive role in helping to empower the Indian government to implement its anti-slavery and anti-child labor laws.

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton spoke out against human trafficking on December 2, 2009, the International Day for the Abolition of Slavery, stating, "Modern slavery is a global phenomenon and must be addressed with global partnerships between governments, non-governmental organizations, and civil society. Through new partnerships, the United States and the international community will work to rescue and serve survivors, bring traffickers to justice, and create a world where every person has the freedom and opportunity to fulfill his or her God-given potential."

The Social Justice Department of Dalit Freedom Network began its work in Washington, D.C. in 2003. In the last 7 years, DFN has become the leading justice voice for the Dalits in our nation's capital. A dedicated team continues to educate, advocate, and push for legislation to end Dalit trafficking and make slavery history in India. To learn more, contact socialjustice@dalitnetwork.org

To take a stand against Dalit trafficking in India, you can:

Spread the word
Start a Facebook Cause (select "Dalit Freedom Fund" as your beneficiary on Facebook Cause)
Tweet to your friends about National Slavery and Human Trafficking Prevention Month (follow us on www.twitter.com/dalitnetwork)
Send out a MySpace bulletin using the info in this email
Donate $20 to DFN's work of Social Justice by going to: http://www.dalitnetwork.org/go?/dfn/donate and select Social Justice.

Thank you,

The DFN Team

Dalit Freedom Network 5350 South Roslyn Street Suite 450 Greenwood Village, CO 80111

random wishlist

2010-01-09T02:23:00.003+08:00

I don't know if I'll get down to doing them for several reasons, but it'd be really fun if I get to:

1) Learn the motorbike, and have one. A scooter will do too.
2) Own a roadbike.
3) Tattoo "ISA, MY LOVE" on my arm, or near my wrist, in either English or Arabic. If it's too expensive, I'll just do "ISA'S". I can already imagine how it'll look like.
4) Busk on the streets.
5) Bring Wallyball to Singapore.
6) Speak a minority Indian or African language.
7) Be a locker (the dance, not the metal box).

And something probably more challenging than fun...
8) Go homeless for a week.

And something probably improbable, unless I'm a guy:
9) Live and work as a migrant worker for a month.

Spencer

2010-01-05T01:56:00.001+08:00

I see the beautiful kid in you, and you are precious in God's sight and mine.

2010

2010-01-05T01:17:00.003+08:00

For 2010, my desire will remain the same: weaker, humbler. God must have told Jon H. that pride is going to be my main weakness in life, because he is right.

In addition, I have another explicit desire to be radical like Jesus by loving like he does per John 15:13 "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."

My personal wish is to have a close non-believer friend, after realizing that I have NONE.

Another personal wish was to get onboard Logos Hope for two months in summer, but now I think it'll be equally fun and rewarding if I go with my friends to the Philippines for the same period of time to do the same thing: which is to be changed by Jesus, and to share him.

By the way, I have cat earstuds, cat food, and a cat bag! Let me go get those chic cat shirts and hairbands...and 10, 000 cats.

(via nataliedee.com)

his text said "I,..LOVE YOU"

2010-01-05T00:16:00.005+08:00

What do you think of them when they walk on the streets?

(via religionfacts.com)

On Saturday, I helped two monks from Sri Lanka who had trouble with the ATM. They were in saffron robes too, and like the people who were upset they unknowingly didn't wait in line for the ATM, my instinct was that these were 'holy people'. And 'holy people' have an aura that makes you distant yourself from them.

The ATM didn't work out, so I asked for their number to text them the details of the nearest bank when I get access to the Internet. Monk A with better English (who was conversing with me) started grabbing at Monk B's phone. Monk B didn't let him for a while. Then Monk A didn't punch in my number correctly, and Monk B was speaking in their language and eventually snatched the phone over and typed the right numbers. He also asked for my name in a demanding tone.

After that small ruffle, Monk A asked about me, so I told him I was a local, but I don't stay nearby - I was here to "learn about God and have fun with my friends" (we were at a camp). Monk B waved his hands away at me after hearing that so we left.

So I left amused.

Then just today, I texted Monk B directions to the bank. With many understandable mis-spellings, I figured his reply to mean "YES, THANK YOU". A while later, he texted me his Sri Lanka number and his full name, and I replied "Hope u find the bank :)". The second most surprising thing was he later texted me "I,..LOVE YOU", to which I replied "Jesu love you", learning from Christy to grab every opportunity to share Jesus, including guys who hit on me. To which he replied "I LIKE JESU AND BUDDHA", and later on "WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME". Both to which I didn't reply..haha.

That wasn't the bomb. The bomb was this: I just googled his name and he is a notable figure in Sri Lankan Buddhism.

And what I learn is NOT:
1. Theravada Buddhism, or Buddhism as a whole, is deficient, that's why he's not practicing what he preaches about transcending desires.
2. We can make satires and parodies out of 'holy people' because they are hypocrites.
3. Be shocked when you see the moral flaws of notable figures (religious ones, especially).
4. Religious figures are perfect people.

I learnt that 'holy people' are imperfect just as everyone else. Jing was right to say that Monks A and B's religion had very high standards for them, just like God has very high standards for everyone - and no one can meet them on their own strength. Jesus appears to be very harsh on religious people because they depend on visible acts (aka. rituals and traditions) to appear spiritual and to cover up rather than surrender their sinful nature to God. Not only that - they encourage others to do follow suit (Romans 1:32, cf. James 1:5). Christian, Hindu, Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist, Mormon, Jehovah Witness...you name it, God's got it. In fact, he spoke out against them in actions and speech because of their religiosity (Matthew 19:7-8, 23; Mark 7:6-13; Luke 12:1-3; The Parable of the Good Samaritan; The Parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector etc).

I am glad God has given me Jesus' righteousness, which "surrounds me like a shield" from Satan, who accuses me before God "day and night" because he knows his end is near (Psalm 3:3, 5:12; Revelations 12:10-12). Because of that, I don't have to be religious. God says religion is not the way to go anyway.

I had an unbiblical fear that getting close to these 'holy people' who were not followers of Christ would compromise my walk with God. No matter what we were going to chat about. Instead, God was telling me to get into the muck like Jesus did when he hung out all the time with prostitutes, traitors who chose money over political loyalty, and the physically deformed and demon-oppressed. That was how Jesus' light shone - he came to those who were seeking and were aware and pain-stricken by their utter failure and filth, not those who thought they were too impeccable for God's standards for 100% perfection in holiness, love, righteousness, faithfulness, patience, and every other good attribute (Mark 2:17).

I learnt that everyone desires relationship in the form of friendship and romance, even 'holy people'. That's great because God has created us for relationship with him, which will satisfy in so many ways, and the satisfaction will flow over to many friendships with people around us. My Lover is Jesus, and I wonder if I'll have a lover for life in marriage with whom to love Jesus...you?