30 days: day eighteen

day eighteen – a picture of your biggest insecurity

by Wodka87

I love to be alone and be quiet sometimes - couldn't find a picture for social and emotional loneliness! It's the feeling you get when you have to deal with someone yourself, especially with conflicts or awkwardness in friendships. People can give you advice, but they cannot replace you to work out a friendship with someone else that's gone awry.

It's a constant reminder for me that while it's an inevitable fact no one else can help me deal with such problems, Jesus can..and he already has. I have experienced his incredible help a few times in recent years though they were pretty traumatic and nerve-wrecking as well. Sometimes I forget that he will never bail out on me from these experiences.

The really good assurance is that my loneliness will never be spiritual again from the day I started denying my old revolting self to follow Jesus..

For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account. Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Word of God to the Hebrews in the 1st century
in the Bible (Hebrews 4)

30 days: day seventeen

day seventeen – a picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently

This is really recent, i.e. this morning. I was thinking about Narayanan Krishnan's words. He said he was really disturbed after seeing a poor homeless man on the street eat his own waste out of hunger.

While chomping on my ordinary sandwich, it really hit me that I have DONE NOTHING to deserve whatever I have been eating and will continue to eat. Why am I not the one who is so overcome by hunger that I would actually consider eating my own poop?

After feeling really disturbed and troubled, I am really sure that God has not given me food for nothing when he's let me know that there are others who eat things that are probably not even proper food, eg: rats and tree roots in parts of Africa, rats and tree bark in parts of North Korea, or rotting food in the garbage dumps in Port-au-Prince and Manila.

When I look at my food or drink, I see that it is Jesus' flesh and blood sacrificed on my behalf, just as Jesus intended us to as a vital and daily means to remember him. The way we cook our food (slicing into nice pieces, cooking under great heat and pressure...) reminds me of the intense pain Jesus went through. I can't imagine myself being a carrot, or a piece of juicy meat under all that ticklish and stinky marination, and excruciating cutting and cooking, only to end up being eaten. The food that I eat gives me energy to live the hope that transcends above mortality and remember Jesus' humiliating and offensive sacrifice as an innocent person taking the rap of the world of today, yesterday and the future, and then coming back to life to shatter whatever chains of ugly evil we have in our hearts.

If you think I'm crazy, it's understandable. I believe that I will come back to life to live for eternity after I die, and I believe the same for all who believe in Jesus, dating from the first humans to exist on earth. We will have new bodies, and the whole of our world (universe?) would be re-created in a spiritual and physical way (I have no idea how something spiritual will look like).

And now when I look at my food, I see all that, and also that there is a divine reason behind why I am materially rich - so that I can remember the poor, and live a life of hopefully increasing compassion.

30 days: day sixteen

day sixteen – a picture of someone who inspires you

Shane Claiborne
from Jeff Figearo's blog

I quoted him last month at length from an extremely challenging and encouraging book he wrote. You have got to check out his Letter to Non-Believers published on Esquire.com, I think it articulates very well a third way between Christianity and non-Christianity. Shane has reminded me what it means when Jesus says we can find him among the poor, downtrodden, and imprisoned. He lives a life that is socially and economically responsible, which led him to start making clothes for himself. He has a heart of courage to step out of his world and start sleeping with the homeless and now he lives in West Philly, a Black ghetto that I lived right next to for a month in 2009. Almost every night you would hear the police siren, and a few gun shots and quarrels.

Such a man is so charming, and I know that the person that I'm attracted to is not Shane, but the Jesus in him. In his The Irresistible Revolution, he wrote that it is important to grief and let your heart be troubled, for only grieving prophets know how to change the world, and how to dance hope into broken lives. And don't be afraid to use creative ways to get your voice heard, just as how the prophets in the Bible did. Sometimes people thought these prophets were crazy and ridiculed, sometimes murdering them even to shut them up since they kept preaching the truth that the people didn't want to hear.

Funny how I was thinking this morning about people who inspire me (though I didn't know it was today's 30day topic!). I'm glad I have many people who inspire me, many of them ordinary people, while others make their voices heard so that they can champion their convictions. The most recent one is India's Narayanan Krishnan, which got me thinking...could true wealth and freedom really mean only having two shirts, and then giving one away to someone who needs it? I get a little ecstatic thinking about it!

May we begin beating our swords into plowshares now, and the kingdom will begin to be not simply something we hope for when we die but something we see on earth as it is in heaven, the kingdom that is among us and within us.

- Shane Claiborne

30 days: day fifteen

day fifteen – a picture of something you want to do before you die

I want to write at least one very good song. Very good probably along the lines of music, words, the power of the words, but I have a hunch it will be something intensely personal that whittles your heart away. Don't know!

Few other things on my growing Bucket List:

Finish an entire Balut!

Hike the whole of Grand Canyon again
Maybe get inked on my arm or ankle area
Eat ice cream at near- or subzero temperature
Change our world.
Live somewhere else.
Write many poems or songs.
Sing and play the guitar at the same time well.
Have a cat at home.

Some things that I've struck off my list:

Give free hugs on the street.
Be Gary the snail on the road.
Stick my finger into my nose for pictures.
Ask my family for forgiveness on being a badass in the past.
Feed stray cats.
Save animals and bugs.
Open a Youtube channel.
Get a menial F&B job.

30 days: day fourteen

day fourteen – a picture of someone you could never imagine your life without

Me, Esther, and Dad
Checking out Doulos, 2009

Dad, Esther, and Mom

Well I guess quite practically I wouldn't be here without my dad (and my mom) haha. And on top of that, I wouldn't be able to imagine growing up without a dad as patient, supportive and trusting as my dad. In many ways, I'm a copy of him - for one, we start talking louder and paraphrasing things on tv even though the subtitles are there when we're excited hahaha. He is a macro-thinker and is very wise in dealing with tacky situations with people.

I didn't realize how super cool it was until last year that my dad was actually in daily contact with South Asian construction workers for a long time. He was considered quite an insider and he was respected and trusted, perhaps especially from some of few severe wounds he got from working overtime with them. He could have gone home since he just needed to oversee the workers, but he usually, if not always, chooses to stay back and work with the workers so that the job gets done faster and the workers could go home earlier. Now he doesn't work in the construction industry anymore - if he did, I don't know how his body could take the fierce sun and the intensely rigorous work he tolerated in his younger days.

Where do you get such noble men? Noble men who did extra work on a regular basis to help people that are conventionally seen as lowly foreigners? I have one at home, and I'm proud of my dad for being so :)

P.S.: Did you know that the MV Doulos (now MV Doulos Phos) was the world's oldest active passenger ship until December 31, 2009? Its sister ship was Titanic. People used to boast that "not even God could sink Titanic", and an engineer who helped repair Doulos on a daily basis (!!!) with his team is very convinced that only God could have kept her afloat.

And a few crew members have died during a bomb attack of the ship by a militant Muslim group. Scary world we live in.

30 days: day thirteen

day thirteen – a picture of your favorite band or artist

萧敬腾 Hsiao Jing Teng

It's much harder for me to pick just one favorite for English music, but Hsiao Jing Teng is definitely my favorite Chinese music singer. His voice is so diverse, and I think it's easy to hear the musical influences that he claimed in his voice - Bon Jovi, and Pavarotti. He's native to Taiwan coming from from an urban tribe of the Amis people. He taught himself how to play keys, piano, drums, guitar, and the sax. He's only a year older than me and he's still in college, except with an incredible voice that's very raw, powerful, and versatile for rock, jazz, R&B, pop. So much potential in this guy!

30 days: day twelve

day twelve – a picture of something you love

Cats!! They are incredibly cute and funny. And they melt and purr over you cos they love getting cuddled so much :3

30 days: day eleven

day eleven – a picture of something you hate

I used to cringe even at dry hair, but thankfully I'm over that mostly. Wet hair on the floor or sinks still makes me cringe though. Looking just at this shutterstock photo gives me chills. OH YUCKKKK!!!!!! I know it ultimately is hair that was on my head, but fallen hair is just different. It is disgusting! Same goes for hair that gets stuck on my wet hands when I comb my fingers through my hair :(

30 days: day ten

day ten – a picture of the person you do the most effed up things with

Hahaha too cute!

When smiling with your upper lip tucked in was fashionable
...for ten days while we were in Malaysia

Nothing new, it's still my sis. One of us could be using the toilet, and the other washing hands or brushing teeth in the same bathroom. We like to hug in public and she still owes me 50 goodnight kisses as of three minutes ago. She accumulated her debt from my 6-month absence away from home, and just rushing to bed before I can demand to her for payback kisses ;) And many more!

30 days: day nine

day nine – a picture of the person who has gotten you through the most

My mom :)

She has an incredibly tender heart full of compassion and is very sensitive and thoughtful of others. She connects with people through emotions; she also has a lot of empathy, which means that she often cares about people whom she's seen only once, but seem to be having a hard time. She has had a rough life, coming to Singapore to work when she was 21 and settled here for good when she met my dad, and entered into a family that beat down extreme prejudice on her for years. She is one tough person inside her heart.

I have been angry and arrogant for most of my life, and I see it happening less and less since Jesus has started to change my life. I hope that I will exercise humility and love in my heart every day though I believe pride will continue to be a daily thought to murder. My mom has been putting through all the nonsense and heartbreak I've given to her through my rebel stage from when I was 10 through 20, and hopefully much less now. I hope I bring comfort to her!

So..guess whom God gave my intuition and compassion from. Not to mention she was THE pretty girl at her workplace and dorm so many guys would want to drive her out and get to know her ;)

30 days: day eight

day eight - a picture that makes you laugh

Well I guess it has got to be this superbly stunning picture that I took of myself. Mega-zoomed and blurry..brings the mastery of photography to a unprecedented, whole new level!

Please check out my current growing portfolio. As you can see, there are quite a lot of (unknowing, albeit willing) models who have volunteered for this pioneering technique of artistry.

Jonny

Alvin

I do have a female subject as well, it's just that I cannot find the photo!! Anyways, look at how this new technique has taken the world by storm. People are returning me the favor for coming up this technique that they have used me as their primary model for their own portfolios.

The world is indeed a good place.

Taken by Jonny

Taken by my sis, Esther

30 days: day seven

day seven – a picture of your most treasured item

My most treasured item right now is no longer with me. But I guess my second most treasured would be my/my sister's baby bolster :D

No picture cos you'll have to see it in person to know the awesomeness :)

30 days: day six

day six – a picture of a person you’d love to trade places with for a day

Kina Grannis!

She's pretty, has a good heart and a soulful voice, not to mention...we're just as tall :p And running away to stairwells to sing and play music...I think it actually takes quite some courage to do that because anyone getting in would hear the music too :)

30 days: day five

day five – a picture of your favorite memory

Haowei, Jon, Me, Teewei, Raymond, and Cat,
on my goodbye party at Jon's house in Tucson where we met every Friday with everyone

One of my favorite memories is my time spent with Jon Heine, my first discipler, while I was on a semester's exchange to U of A in Spring 2009. God used him to change my life a great deal, and I still remember the times we had together. He treated me like a father treats a daughter, and as a brother who protects her sister, and as a friend - all these would only be possible within God's love. God used his prayers and his phone calls to protect me when I felt really helpless and my safety was threatened while being alone in a foreign city. God used him to bring my secret sins to light, and in Jesus' name I cut them off and I no longer am controlled by these sins.

If anything, Jon probably saw the most of my tears and thoughts while I was there. Second to Jesus. He would hold my hand and give me a safe hug like a father would. I am so excited that we will live together for ever in the coming Kingdom with Christ!

30 days: day four

day four – a picture of your favourite night

Courtesy of Hengyi Kiew.

Courtesy of Sihua Lai.

Courtesy of Sherlyn Chan.

Courtesy of Deborah Yap.

Nope, none of my friends posed for these posters. I just dug these out of Facebook from past hangouts with my friends, and used them as posters for the party. My friends were so nice to let me use their photos for it too!

One of my most favorite nights was at The Absent Party. It was held in place of my 21st birthday in 2009, and God gave me an idea 6 months before that instead of getting expensive birthday presents that I would probably have to find a use for, people who come to my party might as well pay the money forward to the Dalits in India through OM India, a ministry in India that wants to set free people from spiritual and socioeconomic oppression. You can read more about it here and my post-party thoughts here.

One of my most favorite group of people in my life, my JC class AA3!
I still remember they made time and even provided transport
and a place to bake party favors (we made chocolate cake pops). Yeaaaaa.

30 days: day three

day three – a picture of the cast from your favorite show

I usually appreciate thinker films much more, like V for Vendetta, Once, Fight Club, Dark Knight, but Up was soooo good too though it isn't my typical category of favorite movies :)

30 days: day two

day two – a picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest

My sister, Esther, and I. We're 11 years apart, and our favorite thing to do is to lie on the couch and make fun of each other or make a fool of ourselves. I make it a point to say sorry to her and ask for her forgiveness when I say or do something that hurt her, and I also make it a point to share with her my worries and fears. I've been learning to be humble in this way.

Esther gets ecstatic over badminton, and like most kids, she doesn't like veggie, so she grew up on a pact with my mom that she would eat whatever veggie's on her plate, but not anymore haha. She is a huge fan of Korean pop and drama, and she's roped my mom and me into watching Korean shows too. So good. I love her because she is my sister. Apparently almost every lady (except one) in a Christian community told my mom to abort Esther (??!!!) for reasons that disregard the sanctity of God-given life and were extremely derogatory to our family. None of us would have been able to see beyond the financial woes of having to raise a fourth child at home to realize that the affection and laughter that she has brought back into our house being a little sis is so invaluable, and I dare say, lifechanging.

I know Esther will grow up to be a beautiful woman, and a mighty laborer in God's Kingdom! I pray that for her regularly.

No harm putting more silly photos of us I'm sure! :D Shame on all the people who were for Esther to be aborted, we're having so much fun in our lives right now...and so much more to come!

I took a mega-zoomed in photo of my sis and she sought revenge hahaha.

30 days: day one

day one – a picture of yourself with fifteen facts

Daphne as of yesterday night. It's so zoomed in it could only be a picture of myself
and not anyone else (except someone's finger).

1) My mom changed my name when I was 1 because I was too mischievous. She changed it from 美玉 'Beautiful Jade' to 俐文 'Agile, and Refined'.
2) I can speak English, Chinese, Singlish, and a little Tagalog.
3) My intuition measures over 80% in the Myers-Briggs Personality Profile.
4) I hiked the Grand Canyon in 8 hours in March 2009. The trail was slightly over 24km of gravity pounding on my knees and feet.
5) I once wore flip flops and pyjamas out (to the grocer!) when it was -6C with winds so strong I couldn't walk on haha.
6) The lowest temperature I've experienced so far is -7C (in Princeton), the highest, 42C (Tucson).
7) I sponsor a Dalit girl from Kancheepuram, Tamil Nadu.
7) Many Singaporeans are not sure if I am Chinese or Malay, sometimes they're not sure if I'm local at all ???
8) I love making new friends.
9) On a chillax day (best if rainy), I would curl up in my bed and read a book, or sleep.
10) I play the guitar a lot and write poetry especially when I'm feeling overwhelmed, moody, or just pensive.
11) Looking at frozen yogurt sends me spasming.
12) The best yogurt is unsweetened yogurt that might still have curds in it.
13) The shortest fringe I ever had was about half the length of a key, I cried especially a lot after that haircut.
14) I have a lot of trouble with being punctual.
15) I would love to sleep on a bed in an open field on a breezy afternoon.

30 days in pictures

I'm just thinking to myself how could you actually be taking on this challenge when your semester is going to be so busy! I think I just wanted to destress right now haha. This semester I'll be tutoring one kid from twice to thrice a week, which also means I have to quit my ice cream job much earlier than expected. Not to mention almost 200 pages of readings waiting for me just this week (I'm taking three highest-level undergrad classes, and one graduate level class this semester.)

Here it goes:

day one – a picture of yourself with fifteen facts
day two – a picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest
day three – a picture of the cast from your favorite show
day four – a picture of your favourite night
day five – a picture of your favourite memory
day six – a picture of a person you’d love to trade places with for a day
day seven – a picture of your most treasured item
day eight – a picture that makes you laugh
day nine – a picture of the person who has gotten you through the most
day ten – a picture of the person you do the most effed up things with
day eleven – a picture of something you hate
day twelve – a picture of something you love
day thirteen – a picture of your favorite band or artist
day fourteen – a picture of someone you could never imagine your life without
day fifteen – a picture of something you want to do before you die
day sixteen – a picture of someone who inspires you
day seventeen – a picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently
day eighteen – a picture of your biggest insecurity
day nineteen – a picture and a letter
day twenty – a picture of somewhere you’d love to travel
day twentyone – a picture of something you wish you could forget
day twentytwo – a picture of something you wish you were better at
day twentythree – a picture of your favorite book
day twentyfour – a picture of something you wish you could change
day twentyfive – a picture of your day
day twentysix – a picture of something that means a lot to you
day twentyseven – a picture of yourself and a family member
day twentyeight – a picture of something you’re afraid of
day twentynine – a picture that can always make you smile
day thirty – a picture of someone you miss

She sleeps, she sleeps

11/22/10

Petals cover her eyes
Her hair breathes with her
And she smiles
Oh she sleeps, she sleeps.

Deep peace
Innocent like the baby she is
Angels guard her
God smiles, I kiss her cheek.

Weathered tracks where she frowns
For people she'd die for
Bread for today, food for tomorrow
The blood, her baby, and the gore
Pain and sobs she ran away.

Lips like a line
Heavy, slow breathing
Oh she sleeps, she sleeps.

Deep pain, God weeps.
Mommy I'll kiss them away
If you let me
Will you let Him?