Someone Save Me

Every one needs the Saviour. No, not a saviour, but the Saviour.

There are people who are not ready to come before dear Jesus: atheists, agnostics, so-called freethinkers, hedonists and believers of the many different religions. Does denying God's existence mean He really doesn't exist? How does one vindicate the definition of who God really is, so much so as to confidently deny that He is not found in any religion, or more specifically, our Christian faith? Being subjective and affective by our physiological and spiritual construct, how is it possible for one who freely thinks, but yet is servant to the world?

I was looking at the angel's proclamation of the good news in Luke 2. Why did God send him to say that there is a Saviour, and that his coming was good? The lives we live on earth are marred with many sinful, unpleasant and violent people, things and events. To come to the Saviour on our knees is to be saved from these things, how can this be not wonderful?

I guess sinful, unpleasant and violent happenings make us think of places and people stricken with religious extremism and sensational cases of rape, theft, murder and whatnots. Are we, the average Joes and plain Janes, pretty much free and happy in this world? Some people go into endless relationships callously, only to come out hurt and plunge into another one, with the intention to satisfy emotional and physical desires. Some see the need to use vulgar, abusive language and seek pleasure in deriding others so as to feel part of a group. Others see achievements and accolades as the pride of their survival in tough competition. Others make frenzied trips to places of worship, while being worried constantly whether he would win the lottery bet he made last Saturday. I hope I made my point here: the world is not a happy place. And in our myopic view, to try to satisfy a void for that is which pure and good, we use more things of the world in an attempt to fill it up. No matter how we twist and turn reasons and motives around, using the things and people of the world cannot fill our void because of the sinful nature of the world. It's like eating a candy when you're terribly famished each time after a good swim or a long day of work: the hunger doesn't go away. You eat more candies but it doesn't help substantially and makes your health worse instead.

But dear Jesus, being high in heaven, came down to earth for the sole purpose to die for every one's sins. God's utter holiness requires us to be clean and unblemished, which is why Christ's crucifixion on our behalf is needed to make us clean. He has atoned our sins on our behalf. For that, we become renewed in mind and in spirit, that we can see beyond the current world we live in, to look to eternity in heaven above. We know where we go after death, and this knowledge that is kept in the heart truly shows at the deathbed. Without Jesus and therefore the surety to go to heaven, can one die truly in peace? Can he put his mind off his family, the fate of his assets and leave? Can he be so assured as to know where he will go after death?

I'm reminded of Luo Wen's example. Luo Wen was a Hong Kong movie star, a men of great accomplishments and accolades. Yet when on his deathbed, he asked, "When I die, where will I go?" The people around him then couldn't tell him. We may brazenly and callously exclaim carpe diem, or evade the question, but death comes to all. When we are at our last breaths, can we boldly, assuredly ask Lord Jesus to wait for us at heaven's gates?

December and Camps

December has been a busy month for me, and now that we're almost coming to the end of the month, I'm glad to conclude that the exhausting and highly occupied schedule was refreshing and rewarding . I've had the chance to serve in new ministries, such as the youth fellowship and my own, while continuing my service in the music ministry. Just some stock-taking so that my one month of learning won't go to waste.

1. Youth Camp
I helped out as a mentor for the primary school kids along with my own primary school Sunday School teacher and two other young adults. It definitely isn't easy to manage mischievous kids who are often liberal with their mouths and fists, but I appreciate the labour of love. It must be a very tiring job to quell the active kids, but it is noble at the same time, that one can take on the challenge so as to help the next generation grow in the Lord. Looking at the youths reminded me of the passion and go-getter-ness then: fancy waking up at 6.30am for quiet time, sharing, sermon and sharing (all done by noon). It was a little tiring for me, and I was on the verge of falling sick. Thank God for a very supportive, joyous team of mentors, most of them having been my own youth mentors. We came up with a skit on the last night based on the Parable of Lazarus and the Rich Man and it was great fun, not forgetting the Jesus' moral of application too.

2. Happy Camp
That's my fellowship camp. We had it at Netheravon this year, which is literally near the east coast of Singapore. Travelling took up at least 2-ish hours daily, but thank God it wasn't that boring, though exhausting and often expensive. I enjoyed the small and long chats I made with people from my fellowship, especially when i seldom talk to a lot of people other from closer friends.

I'm glad to have come back from the camp with 3 treasures: the sweet feeling of close fellowship with closer friends, precious encouragement and advice from a heart-to-heart talk with my beloved mentor, Shu Juan Lao Shi, and the important truth of spiritual zeal and fervour (Rom 12:11). The speaker, Brother David Weng from Maranatha BP, illumined me with the metaphor of coals. Coals burn hotly when heaped together, but cools and dies quickly when a piece is being isolated from the heap. Which Christian doesn't want to be zealous for the Lord? I want to! And so I was reminded of a few people who have backslid, and grown lukewarm or cold to our dear Jesus.

I remember in Pilgrim's Progress, Goodwill pulls Christian in from the gate with urgency, because Beelzebub and his men shoot arrows from a nearby castle to kill people who try to enter the gate, where they'd be safe. Sometimes when we go into spiritual doldrums, we may be weak in flesh, and that one pull from a sibling-in-Christ brings us back to the Lord. For many months, I've been able to talk about church mates who have backslid. But where is the Mary who will offer herself for God's use, to take the initiative to bring words into action? I want to help, so I pray God gives me more directions and wisdom on this.

3. Carolling with the ACJC Choir
Wonderful, wonderful music-making - thank God. I'm glad to have been able to help make the college choristers' memories of carolling beautiful. Spending time with fellow alumni has made me less of a hermit, unexposed to happenings and concerns of friends heh. It's wonderful too, that people whom I know who share the same faith are not just limited to my church. What carries great significance for me this season is singing Rutter's Magnificat for the Singapore Lyric Opera's Christmas concert, Simple Gifts. It was highly amusing to see how girls swooned over the conductor, Joshua Tan Kang Ming. I really feel very, very blessed that I have an opportunity to sing with an orchestra. Being a chorister, accompaniment is at most, done only by the piano. But to sing with an orchestra is mp3 music come to life! Amazing, amazing. You see the percussion, the woodwind, strings and the brass all come to live and piece their own tunes into a greater framework, with nuances and intensity shaped by the conductor. Add on the chorus and voila: Rutter's choral masterpiece comes to life.

Some people see singing as a powerful instrument to convey expressions and emotions, because of its ability to express language. I think music that is otherwise is sometimes more powerful, because it requires the player to interpret the message embedded within, and leaves the listener haunted with the wordless music that brings deep emotions that may be diverse. One example for me would be Tomaso Albinoni's Adagio (for strings).

4. Christmas Carolling and Cantata-Service

My carolling group was very cooperative and in one mind, something I truly thank God for. I had an assistant leader who really helped make up for my easily-flusteredness and forgetfulness. We went to houses of church members who wanted to host the group, unbelievers were few or none, so the outreach turned out to be a reminder for fellow churchmates about Christmas. What was encouraging though, was that there were noticeably more people who wanted to believe in Christ during the Christmas Praise Service. Thank God for rewarding our efforts in singing and preparation by using us to touch stone hearts. I'm glad God used me to save someone.


Only a week left to the end of December and the start of the new year. What spiritual bread the two camps have given to me is to love fellowship and have wisdom for application. I thank God for the wonderful music-filled Christmas season, I can't wait to sing some more :) I do seriously think my body's going to crash within the next few days, I feel incredibly tired at 10ish pm, and my body ache and fatigue seem to persist for weeks. Which means I'm going to hit the sack.

Goodnight! i hope you had a meaningful and blessed Christmas too.

Separation

Separation divides people, things and events

Separation is usually a sad occasion
such as graduating from wonderful junior college life
where friends were real friends and loved each other

Other sad occasions can be sending a beloved classmate
off to overseas to study
and sending more classmates off to overseas as they go to
the other side, where the grass is greener, i think

think about loved ones - that's what i do.
separation can be physical
like how a wife pines for her husband's safety as he works overseas
it can be emotional too
like how parents' empathy and advice is being shut out of
an angsty outraged teenager's heart

Heart, is not just a muscle in the circulatory system
It is the centre of all thought, intellect, emotions and soul
When your new handphone gets stolen,
your heart aches terribly; your brain doesn't.

Dozen times have I thought about separation in life.
Separation through death, and eventual reunion with our Lord above

Above are just some examples, and i've thought of one more
which i believe is a heartbreaking separation
when people are blinded by extremist unfounded doctrine
the spiritual separation on understanding God's Word is painful

Painful sia, the Singaporean says when he feels separation.

But I know God's Will is good even in separation.
Men and their wives long for each other and treasure each other
because absence makes the heart grow fonder
angsty teenagers can return like the prodigal son
maybe they wont return soon, but God keeps His sheep together
and He shall not give up on His herds

Hurt's usually the precursor of recovery and revival
like how blood donation increases metabolism
and how dengue patients recover and grow strong

Strong and stronger will people grow then
(i'm reminded of Olympics' 'Citius Altius Fortius')
that through the refining and a call for discernment with the logic
the intellect, the common sense, the faith God has given us
Separation in spiritual understanding, emotion, physical closeness
are all in God's plan.

Knowledge and Knowledge

FAITHFUL " Yea, if a man have all knowledge, he may yet be nothing, and so, consequently, be no child of God (I Cor 13:2). When Christ said, 'Do you know all these things?' and the disciples had answered, 'Yes,' He addeth, 'Blessed are ye, if ye do them.' He doth not lay the blessing in the knowing of them, but in the doing of them. For there is a knowledge that is not attended with doing: 'He that knoweth his master's will, and doeth it not.'

A man may know like an angel, and yet be no Christian; therefore your sign of it is not true. Indeed, to know is a thing that pleaseth talkers and boasters; but to do is that which pleaseth God. Not that the heart can be good without knowledge, for without that the heart is naught. There is, therefore, knowledge and knowledge - knowledge that resteth in the bare speculation of things, and knowledge that is accompanied with the grace of faith and love, which puts upon a man upon doing even the will of God from the heart: the first of these will serve the talker; but without the other, the true Christian is not content."

Pilgrim's Progress by John Bunyan (1628-1688)

Faithful talks about two types of knowledge: the superficial one and the real one. The one with superficial knowledge is like a Pharisee, who may give unto God abundant praise adorned with fanciful embellishment from an empty heart, because the knowledge is deemed exclusive from application in real life. An ex-mentor of mine said that it is important to let youths understand and appreciate that God's Word is real and keenly intertwined with our lives. "Application", he said. I find this a very important truth, that it is best we turn superficial knowledge (when/if we have it) into real wisdom while we are young, as Ps 90:12 and Eccl 12:1 teach of the need to use time profitably. Superficial knowledge can be springboard for a person to go either one of the two near-extremities: emotionalism (as seemingly encountered by numerous friends) or self-righteousness (personal experience).

Emotionalism: I feel God


God is a spirit, and so we need to worship with our hearts (John 4:24), which is important for the soul (ref Prov 4:23). This is a really wonderful requirement because the Holy Spirit is able to work within us: worshipping the Lord gives us joy, seeking solace from God gives us peace and sharing frustration with God gives patience. We can boldly say we are the children of God and are participants of the mutual love-ship between God and us. Pure rituals of any kind as a substitute for this requirement to offer our heart (and its emotions) to God just will not work because it will divorce the very need for our hearts to be involved when we are in fellowship with God.

Yet some given too much emphasis on the emotional aspect, claiming that feelings are all that is in our relationship with God. Worship sessions are highly charged, but followed by an afterward sleeping pose in preparation for the sermon. Daily experiences are seen to involve supernatural/miraculous elements, and sometimes some claim that they have visions of God, the casual attitude and its credibility of which John MacArthur questions because of the people's intrinsic utter fear and respect when God, the Almighty and the Holy One, appeared to them in the Bible. When emotional involvement with our Lord becomes emotionalistic involvement, I think it can be dangerous that one's overemphasis on the abstract can be used to deceive and blind himself from the stains on his spiritual garment, when God wants us to persevere in the process of sanctification. Some claim they do not go to church, do not have their daily spiritual Quiet Time bread, do not see the need to cut off smoking and incessant clubbing, alongside other behaviours that God clearly expressed His abomination for in His Word, with emotionalistic defences that only set up barbed wires on the path to being closer with Him. If we have such knowledge of sensitive, emotional experiences that is only used to prevent ourselves from doing the things He actually wants us to, this knowledge becomes superficial and barren.

Self-Righteousness: I know God better than they do


Then here's the other extreme: studying so diligently and knowing God's Word so well that some uphold their own Pharisaic knowledge as being superior over others' faith. While well-equipped on the Biblical knowledge, these fervent students run their own ships into the rocks of arrogance and pride, which easily leads to self-righteousness and a consequent judgement of others from a self-assumed moral vantage point. As in James 4, God resists the proud, people who are unwilling to submit themselves under God's will. Going to this other extreme defeats the purpose of discovering God's revelation to us through His Word.

I'm reminded of Jesus' parable of the tax collector and the Pharisee (Luke 18:9-14). The Pharisee chose to pray aloud in the public so that people may see his piety and praise Him. 'God, I thank you, that I am not like the rest of men, extortioners, unrighteous, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week. I give tithes of all that I get.’ For the one who is convinced of his righteousness and thus despises others, Jesus says that he will be 'abased' (AKJV). When our Lord said that our righteousness must exceed that of the Pharisees (Matt 5:20), He meant to exceed the superficial knowledge, that which is purely applicable to the head and filtered away from the heart.

Finding the Balance --> Real knowledge

Real knowledge is God's wisdom, a treasure map that Christians seek so as to know God's will. Faithful says that real knowledge is knowledge accompanied by the 'grace of faith and love', resulting in the application of it 'from the heart'. In this way, the two extremities are avoided and we can find ourselves being a Christian with committed passion and diligent and thirst to know Him through His Word. As the Singaporean version of the saying goes, 'Whoa, can kill two birds with one stone leh, like buy one get one free', Christian love and duty, emotions and logic can come together. God's Word is alive and is thus fully applicable to our everyday lives. It won't make do that one is greatly emotionalistic but doesn't apply God's teachings in his life; it won't make do also, if he puts himself on the altar for being able to ritualistically practise God's teachings, overlooking the importance of the heart. In Matthew 6-7, Jesus illustrated the balance well: neither the law nor the heart are lesser than each other (5:17, 22, 28, 44, 6:18). Therefore, in having real knowledge, God's wisdom, is to apply what is learnt, with the heart and the head.

I know I didn't talk about the body. But here's another picture to sum it all up teehee!

My Junior College Class

Yesterday my class (2AA3)met up again. We were supposed to have a midday movie marathon, which was spent with Olie, Grace and Sher watching HairSpray. The rest of the people turned only during dinner, but it was really awesome this time round. Dinner was homecooked by Auntie Cy and us girls. I shall upload that one very precious photo of the fully laid dinner table that JT took when he uploads it. We spent a good two hours eating and chatting, and I could see some of us so supportive of the labour and love put in they ate every dish. Every dish meant a great deal of food, so much that most of us were bloated. Some of us finished another movie -Shrek the Third and finally left to reach home before midnight.

Thanks to Grace and Sher for being fantastic grocery shoppers - we managed to help one another amongst our muddle-headedness, didn't we? Thanks to Olie for hosting us for at least the fifth time, she's been a really hospitable and loving Miss Treasurer. I owe her a big pat on the back. Thanks to the rest of the people who turned up: Si, Simin, and especially Sam, JT, Haz, Ivan, Kenneth, Mos. It's really encouraging to know that a long day at work didn't stop them from coming.

A year ago, so many of us were lamenting about bidding farewell to college times and college classmates, and we wondered if we would still meet up and continue building upon the friendships made. I'm glad that in Singapore, it's not too difficult to keep in contact because it's a small world here. Almost everyone knows almost everyone else. But I thank God even more, that meeting up with my 2AA3 friends strikes a chord in my heart. It feels sweet and fuzzily warm inside, especially when I know we encourage each other in the Lord. It's wonderful how we're still so onz (Singlish cyber lingo) about catching up with one another.



2AA3 2006
Top Row from left: Amos, Si Hua, Rekha, Jonathan, Ivan, Olivia
Bottom Row from left: Daphne, Hazri, Arina, Grace, Simin, Chestine
Missing (for some it was because it was the last period of the last day of school? heh): Samantha, Melissa, Ankita, Sherlyn, Adiba, Joyce, Kenneth

Thank you, dear 2AA3. We've got many more years of reunion to go!

Direct Action

An interesting excerpt from Ortega y Gasset's The Revolt of the Masses, 1951.

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Wiki says:
Direct action is a form of political activism which seeks immediate remedy for perceived ills, as opposed to indirect actions such as electing representatives who promise to provide remedy at some later date.
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Gasset takes direct action to the sociological level to analyse the mass man, the average man of modern society who lives in intellectual hermeticism, liberally expanding his desires without gratitude for the toil that made possible for his ease of existence. The mass man possesses a hedonist streak sanctified by liberalism.


'Why should he listen if he has within him all that is necessary? There is no reason now for listening, but rather for judging, pronouncing, deciding. There is no question concerning public life, in which he does not intervene, blind and deaf as he is, imposing his "opinions."

But, is this not an advantage? Is it not a sign of immense progress that the masses should have "ideas," that is to say, should be cultured? By no means. The "ideas" of the average man are not genuine ideas, nor is their possession culture. Whoever wishes to have ideas must first prepare himself to desire truth and to accept the rules of the game imposed by it. It is no use speaking of ideas when there is no acceptance of a higher authority to regulate them, a series of standards to which it is possible to appeal in a discussion. These standards are the principles on which culture rests. I am not concerned with the form they take. What I affirm is that there is no culture where there are no standards to which our fellow-man can have recourse. There is no culture where there are no principles of legality to which to appeal. There is no culture where there is no acceptance of certain final intellectual positions to which a dispute may be referred. There is no culture where economic relations are not subject to a regulating principle to protect interests involved. There is no culture where aesthetic controversy does not recognize the necessity of justifying the work of art.

When all these things are lacking there is no culture; there is in the strictest sense of the word, barbarism. And let us not deceive ourselves, this is what is beginning to appear in Europe under the progressive rebellion of the masses. The traveler knows that in the territory there are no ruling principles to which it is possible to appeal. Properly speaking, there are no barbarian standards. Barbarism is the absence of standards to which appeal can be made.'
pages 51-52


'When the reconstruction of the origins of our epoch is undertaken, it will be observed that the first notes of its special harmony were sounded in those groups of French syndicalists and realists of about 1900, inventors of the method and the name of "direct action." Man has always had recourse to violence; sometimes this recourse was a mere crime, and does not interest us here. But at other times violence was the means resorted to by him who had previously exhausted all others in defence of the rights of justice which he thought he possessed. It may be regrettable that human nature tends on occasion to this form of violence, but it is undeniable that it implies the greatest tribute to reason and justice. For this form of violence is none other than reason exasperated. Force was, in fact, the ultima ratio. Rather stupidly it has been the custom to take ironically this expression, which clearly indicates the previous submission of force to methods of reason. Civilisation is nothing else than the attempt to reduce force to being the ultima ratio. We are now beginning to realise this with startling clearness , because "direct action" consists in inverting the order and proclaiming violence as prima ratio, or strictly as unica ratio. It is the norm which proposes the annulment of all norms, which suppresses all intermediate process between our purpose and its execution. It is the Magna Charta of barbarism.

It is well to recall that at every epoch when the mass, for one purpose or another, has taken a part in public life, it has been in the form of "direct action." This was, then, the natural modus operandi of the masses. And the thesis of this essay is strongly confirmed by the patent fact that at present when the overruling intervention in public life of the masses has passed from casual and infrequent to being the normal, it is "direct action" which appears officially as the recognised method.

All our communal life is coming under this regime in which appeal to "indirect" authority is suppressed. In social relations "good manners" no longer hold sway. Literature as "direct action" appears in the form of insult. The restrictions of sexual relations are reduced.

Restrictions, standards, courtesy, indirect methods, justice, reason! Why were all these invented, why all these complications created? They are all summed up in the word civilisation, which, through the underlying notion of civis, the citizen, reveals its real origin. By means of all these there is an attempt to make possible the city, the community, common life. Hence, if we look into all these constituents of civilisation just enumerated, we shall find the same common basis. All, in fact, presuppose the radical progressive desire on the part of each individual to take others into consideration. Civilisation is before all, the will to live in common. A man is uncivilised, barbarian in the degree in which he does not take others into account. Barbarism is the tendency to disassociation. Accordingly, all barbarous epochs have been times of human scattering, of the pullulation of tiny groups, separate from and hostile to one another.'
pages 53-54

The Ecumenical Movement is preparing the world for the fearful unification in Revelations. By removing all standards that we have, claiming moral ethics based on God's standards as religious in nature and thus ought not infringe onto the exclusive secular, are we removing the existence of the self-absorbed mass-man, or are we encouraging their existence? Social ills arise from the rejection of Genesis and creationism (Ken Ham in Evolution: The Lie). Interreligious harmony has seen the subtle shift from mutual appreciation and understanding to the writing of literature and media that gods in different religions are the same. We are setting a new moral compass that is ironically deviating from God's view of morality. Will civilisation further crumble?

How depressing to think about the future of the world we live in!

My apologies!

All along I thought it was just my mac that couldnt view the template that was supposed to be here on my blog. I was told my blog was 'the simplest' one has ever seen, sorry for the visual yuckiness.

I'm having my first varsity examinations this week and the next. I'm done with my first half of two papers that I took on Monday and Tuesday respectively. Thank God I did learn my lesson from Monday's traumatic experience - senseless rambling of ill-planned essays that left me wordless beyond despair after the paper. I felt I did my best for yesterday's paper, and I want to give glory all the more to God for perseverance despite initial apprehension and intimidation because it is a level 3000 course. I've said this many times to my friends, but God has provided for me this course as a catalyst to develop my intellect.



My next half of the exams is this Saturday, next Monday and Tuesday, after which would be followed by church camps, church carolling and Christmas Praise Service, practising my violin and learning my ABRSM Grade 5 syllabus, movie marathon and Christmas party with my junior college classmates, a thanksgiving sleepover with my Sunday Schoolmates on December 31 night, and of course, carolling with the college choir. That's surely enough food for the body, mind and soul for December!

I just realised school only starts on January 14 for me, leaving a good two weeks to spend more time with God, church and loved ones. Now now, I shall contemplate what to do exactly with the two weeks before plunging myself back into another high-speed semester.

Here's some mid-week spiritual snack to munch on: Matthew 5:44-48.

44But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;

45That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.

46For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same?

47And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so?

48Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.

God’s Listener

God gave us two ears and one mouth so that we could speak less and listen more. Besides the horrifying sight of having a friend with one ear and two blabbering mouths, God wants us to learn to listen, not just to friends. More importantly, He wants us to develop a keen ear for Him.

Why do we need to listen to Him?

(1) Out of love-duty. We have been reconciled with God through the blood of Christ (Col 1:21-22), meaning that we have been redeemed from the grasps of sin and its deadly consequence of death. We have grown up with too many an epic story that tells of a distressed damsel reciprocally offering herself to marriage with her heroic saviour. God’s grace is unfathomable and is beyond the shallow gratification that we can offer. However, what we can do is to offer our best. He saved us, and it is fitting that we become bond-servants like John.

As MacArthur highlights in his book, “Because the Time is Near”, bond-servants were a special category of slaves that willingly serve their masters out of love and devotion. The laws in the Torah wrote that in such cases, the master should ‘pierce his ear with an awl. Then he will be his servant for life.’ (Ex 21:5-6) Many posts ago, I wrote about bearing the mark of the cross, like how a lamb bears the carving of its shepherd and a staunch member brands himself with the seal of his organization. We listen to God because He is our benefactor, and we are obliged, out of both love and duty, to listen to Him and live our new lives according to His Will.

(2) So we can serve Him. Isaiah wrote that he ‘heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who shall go for us?” (Is 6:8) He replied, “Here am I send me!” In order to live for God, we must first discover what His Will for us is. God has beckoned the Israelites to come near Him, for He is the Lord who saved them from Egypt. Yet idolatry, greed, sexual immorality and sins pulled them away from God. Only people who have stayed close to Him have been able to hear His voice. Noah, like Isaiah, heard the Lord’s voice because he was a godly man, his godliness made apparent by his faith in God despite the mockery he faced for building the ark. If we want to be God’s stewards, we need to listen to His instructions. If we want to be faithful ones, we need to constantly have a keen ear for His Will.

(3) God is our only true refuge in times of need. Elijah was disillusioned upon hearing Jezebel’s poisonous vow, so much so that he pleaded the Lord to take his life (I Kings 19:4). He was the great prophet that defeated the 300 prophets on Baal on Mount Carmel with God’s strength. Yet within a day, he became a man fleeing for his life, losing his faith in God. God’s appearance to him at Mount Horeb came not in the wind, earthquake or fire, but in the still, small voice that came after. The NIV writes ‘gentle whisper’. In order to listen to God, we need to peel our ears, especially in face of hardship. It takes a lot of faith to keep calm and listen to that whisper in danger, but it is precisely faith that God will prove He is Jehovah Shalom.

(4) Because He is the Source of All Blessings. God promises us that He is Jehovah Jireh. Jesus says the prerequisite to God’s providence is that we must seek His kingdom and righteousness (Matt 6:33), aka His Will, ‘and all these things shall be added unto you’. We need to find out God’s Will so that we can please Him. He will answer our prayers and even give us the crown of life for being faithful stewards when we finally see Him again.

How do we listen to Him?

(1) Sanctification
A seraph used a piece of coal to purify Isaiah of his sin (Is 6:7), so that he could meet God. What can be extrapolated from here are two things: to be God’s listener we need to be saved and consecrate ourselves to the Lord, what John Calvin calls ‘Perseverance of the Saints’.

(2) Discovering His Will
God’s revelation has been made through three modes, as categorized by systematic theology: Natural Revelation, Common Revelation and Special Revelation (hope I got the terms right). God reveals to us His Creator identity through everyday things we see around us. Nature tells us it is the handiwork God has shewn to Man (Ps 8:3) so that we may give due reverence to Him, and know that He is the Sovereign God (Rom 1:20), a title that encompasses matters of judgment, grace, faith and providence. Common Revelation is made to us via the Bible that is so readily available in many parts of the world today. An example of God’s Will revealed through the Bible is the Ten Commandments, the crux of which is to love the Lord our God with all our hearts, souls, minds and strength (Deut 6:5, Matt 22:37). Special Revelation pertains to the Will He has for each of us. With the guidance of the Holy Spirit, we pray for His Will to be enlightened upon us each day. His Will for each of us is not too abstract to be understood – simple decisions made each day, year and phase of life, are the gradual fruition of His plan for you in life. The emphasis is on prayer, which entails spiritual intimacy with God, best complemented with daily immersion in His Word (aka Quiet Time). Another form of spiritual bread is reading Christian literature, which ought not be substituted for quiet time, however.

(3) A Willing Heart

Isaiah’s “Here am I. Send me!” is a reply of willing fervency. What boils down to the core of being God’s listener is a heart that is humble enough to receive, acknowledge and execute His Will. Young Samuel also pledged his service to God, “Speak for your servant is listening’ (I Sam 3:10). Isaiah and Samuel both listened to God, and God used them and blessed them greatly – Isaiah being God’s prophet, Samuel being in favour of both God and men (I Sam 2:26).

Talking about Common Revelation, Jesus, the One ‘whose eyes are like blazing fire and whose feet are like burnished bronze’ (Rev 2:18), beckons in this final book of the Canon for us to be God’s Listener. “He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.” Jesus ended off his letter to the seven churches in this same manner. He could not emphasise more on the importance of listening to God – His last words of warning to Laodicea and Thyatira and His words of comfort and affirmation to Smyrna and Philadelphia. Likewise, God reminds us of His sovereignty in judgment, his righteousness and justice. The unfaithful servant who had refused to listen to God’s still, small voice will be refused of the rewards God gives to the faithful steward who had done otherwise.
Our ears are symbolic reminders of the need for spiritual intimacy with God, so we could hear what He wants to say to us. How often do we, in the chaotic world of paper chases and the ‘certification of self’, of seeking peer pleasure and merriment, of worldly recognition, ignore the beckoning of the Holy Spirit in us to read the Bible, pray to God and be close-r to Him?

Let he who has an ear, hear what God has to say to him!

The Math of Our Bible

Have you felt there are many verses you know offhand, but sometimes you can't remember where they're quoted from? I have - it's a pretty bad habit for me because when I need to find these verses, I have to rely on identifying what colour the verse was highlighted in, which part of the left or right-hand page of the Bible it is in. Very tedious work, though worthy of it. Thank God for numbers! Magical.

I've collated the following according to number patterns.

Same quotation (number-wise):

The 3:5s

Ps 3:5
I lie down and sleep;
I wake again, because the Lord sustains me.

Prov 3:5
Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and lean not on your own understanding;

John 3:5
"No one can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born out of water and the Spirit."

I Tim 3:5
If anyone does not know how to manage his own family,
how can he take care of God's church?

Rev 3:5
He who overcomes will, like them, be dressed in white.
I will never blot out his name from the Book of Life,
but will acknowledge his name before my Father and His angels.

-----------------
The 3:16s


John 3:16
For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son,
that whosoever believeth in Him shall not perish,
but have everlasting life. (AKJV)

I Cor 3:16
Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you?

Col 3:16
Let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom,
and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your heart to God.

I Tim 3:16
He appeared in a body,
was vindicated by the Spirit,
was seen by angels,
was preached among the nations,
was believed on in the world,
was taken up in glory.

Rev 3:16
So, because you are lukewarm - neither hot nor cold-
I am about to spit you out of My mouth.

------

The 10:13s
Rom 10:13
Everyone who calls on the Name of the Lord will be saved.

I Cor 10:13
There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to Man:
but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able;
but will with the temptation also make a way to escape,
that ye may be able to bear it. (AKJV)

---------

And I suppose this is easy to remember: Feb 14 (Valentine's)

Lk 2:14
Glory to God in the highest,
and on earth peace, good will toward men. (AKJV)

II Cor 2:14
But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ
and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of Him.

--------
The 6:11s

Eph 6:11
Put on the full armour of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes.

I Tim 6:11
But you, man of God...pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness.

--------

Next, verses with identical numbers.

Rom 10:10
For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified,
and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.
Heb 10:10
We have been made holy through the sacrifice of the body of Jesus Christ
once for all.

I Tim 6:6
Godliness with contentment is great gain.

-------

Lastly, a few verses that are second in their chapters.

Ps 26:2
Examine me, O Lord, and prove me;
try my reins and my heart. (AKJV)

Prov 21:2
All a man's ways seem right to him,
but the Lord weighs the heart.

Eccl 1:2
Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher,
vanity of vanities; all is vanity. (AKJV)

Even though I got an A1 for elementary math and an eventual B3 for ao math, thank God the math in our Bible isnt hard to grasp. No integration, differentiation, permutation, approximation or whatever.

As The Eldest Child

As the eldest child, I often lamented being the experiment of my parents' virgin parenthood. My parents raised me up in a very laissez-faire manner, giving me all the freedom I had. However, there were times or even periods of behaviour inconsistent with this trust they had in me. Especially during my rebellion phase, my mum always clamped down on my life. No doubt she knew commands were the most direct and efficient way to steer her beloved daughter away from danger. I couldn't truly understand why she imposed many restrictions however. I was taught never to ask why. When I did ask, my mum only reasserted her authority by warning me against making her angry and flare up. So I spent many a time in my room from young struggling with tears and self-censorship.

Thank God for the Holy Spirit, who intercedes for us when we are in weakness (Rom 8:26), when we are unable to express the pain through language. It was the many prayers and pleads I made in this same room that God drew me closer to Him. Now that I have a much younger sister (11 years younger), I thank God that I can be a comforter to her. She needn't wrestle with things she didn't understand but had to accept. Over some small dispute involving some ice cubes and water, she felt overwhelmingly that she was being treated unfairly. So she went to her room and cried. Initially I rolled my eyes, irking at the touchy feely things I had to say to calm her down. But the more I explained and reconciled the upset in her, the more I was reminded of II Cor 1:3-4.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God."

After the showering of sisterly love and an afterward-complained painfully choking prayer (because I made my sis repeat it after me), she was noticeably much calmer. How amazing it is, that talking to our Father in Heaven gives us immediate peace and solace. Some atheists like to think of it as a self-fulfilling prophecy - prayer as just a euphemism for psychological self-talk. I beg to differ. In fact, all Christians beg to differ. We've all felt the work of the Holy Spirit and the love of God but that's not the issue here heh. I am grateful that as an eldest sister, I can help mould my sis to learn and love Christ and she doesn't have to bear her own tears alone - because she has a jiejie who can stand by her in Christ.

In this way, I don't think God is being unfair to me, that being the eldest child in my family meant I had to learn many things in a tougher way. There are still challenges for me as the eldest, such as carrying my parents' baton to bring home the bacon and being exemplary as a Christian daughter and sister. I know that there are many benefits to be gained. What I have overcome with the Lord's help equips me with the ability to comfort others. Praise God!

November 1

"Thanks for prayers that Thou hast answered,
Thanks for what Thou dost deny!
Thanks for storms that I have weathered,
Thanks for all Thou dost supply!
Thanks for pain, and thanks for pleasure,
Thanks for comfort in despair!
Thanks for grace that none can measure,
Thanks for love beyond compare!"

"Thanks to God" st. 2, by August Ludwig Storm for the Swedish Salvation Army, 1891

Thank God for another birthday that passed, for it marks full 19 years of grace, love and mercy God has blessed me with. It is indeed wonderful that I have learnt to thank God for all things sweet and bitter -it's not been an easy 19years for me and my family- just like how the hymn says we should thank God for pain and pleasure. In light of this I was reading Psalm 139, the psalm from which another of my favourite hymns was inspired.

God is our Father, and I don't think how much more literal can it be than in Psalm 139. Isn't it amazing to know that even before birth, God has been taking care of us? He made sure that every in every nucleus of our cells, we had 23 pairs of chromosomes, and that in every growth of the embryo, we were safe and were developing as normal, able-bodied babies. David says "you knit me in my mother's womb" (v13) and His "eyes saw my unformed body" (v16) He preserved our lives in healthy wombs so that we could last three trimesters before seeing the world. If you think about it, how many babies actually get to come to the world?

Our heavenly Father has watched us grow from young and He is "familiar with all" our ways (v3). He understands our joy, pain and struggles deep down in the smallest crevice in our hearts. Even when when we contemplate to defy Him by sinning, He knows it too. "Where can I go from Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence?" (v7) Reflecting the rebellion when I was 15, God knew I was going against Him. I was apathetic and even got defensive against His Word at one point. I skipped church, retaliated verbally against my parents, scolded the F word and partook in dirty jokes and fervent gossiping and maligning, and I even went into a traumatic, much regretted puppy-love relationship with a muslim. God is omnipresent, He was there and witnessed every one of my contemplation about sinning and the actual sins I committed. He could have punished me then and taught me a really painful lesson, like how He punished the 42 kids in Bethel. Yet, His love and respect for my freedom wanted me to return to Him, convinced and un-reluctantly. I sure did, after the constant probing and calling of the Holy Spirit- thank God. Like the injured lamb who depends on his shepherd after it was found, God brought me back, close to Him and forgave my sins. He loves me so much, how can I ever go astray again?

Every birthday is a delightful moment to accord especial glory to God. My 19th birthday has seen God's fulfilling of His never-failing Promise: "The Lord bless you and keep you." (Num 6:24), and going many more epochs back, the fulfilling of His promise to old, faithful Abraham.

19years of preservation.
19 years of nourishment.
19years of disciplining.
19 years of mercy.
19 years of grace.
19years of tears.
19 years of smiles.

19 years of love...

and many more years of God's blessings! O Lord, surely "I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well." (Ps 139: 14) Amen!

Martyred For Me

Today we commemorated the Reformation and I watched the biography of John Huss. John Huss was learned and he, like Martin Luther, had the blessed privilege to read the Bible. In realising the error of Catholic penance, he voluntarily went to Germany to clarify his stand to the religious council, only to be imprisoned and eventually burnt on the stake in 1415, two centuries before Reformation really took off. Even till death, he never got to explain his stand because the council refused to let him, slamming him as a man of the Anti-Christ. in the court in of the public, he was cursed by the archbishop to be sent to hell and had to wear a phony paper crown that literally labelled him as a heretic. On the stake, he died singing an old, old hymn: 'Jesus, the son of David, save me from sin'...

The film left me greatly stricken with shame and thankfulness. John Huss was only one of the many martyrs who laid down their blood on the path of hope for greater salvation for me. These forefathers sacrificed themselves and trusted in God's promise for something more beautiful, like how Abraham, Noah and many others lived on faith in Hebrews 11. Back then, every single copy of the English Bible was so greatly treasured, because the translators risked their lives and safety to write it. Yet, I have not treasured my Bible, God's Word, as much as I want to. And Huss died singing, what a way to offer a last sweetsmelling sacrifice to God! amidst the many mixed feelings which i believed he had, God gave him His song to sing to a fitting comfort for his soul. These prosecuted Christians shone strongly in the dark world. I have religious freedom, and i feel all the more ashamed that I'm not taking advantage of it to live and preach Christ more. And to preach Christ is to live His Word. How could I live His Word if I do not pay attention to it on Sunday mornings, because of late Saturday nights spent idling? Huss, like Christ, died so that I may live a new life, but sometimes my old self pulls me back from living a life showing God's glory.

God has so entrusted in us the treasure of salvation. We are, and I am, but earthen vessels, as Paul says in II Corinthians 4 - cheap, dispensable individuals that are so fragile. Yet, it is because we are weak, that God's strength and wisdom may be manifested. God's grace is the informidable lacquer, so that we may be hard pressed but never crushed. through this, we become very valuable vessels worthy for good use instead. where God breaks the vessels of martyrs like John Huss, the treasure that is contained within is exposed, and shines all the more brightly to the world. I am but a jar of clay, but I am a child of God. How wonderful can this be?

O Lord, you know that I am weak, so I ask for your strength and grace, so that I may be a loyal steward of your gospel. Let me not put out the Holy Spirit's fire and help me live my faith for your glory.

My Nicodemus Error

Last Sunday, I attended bible study class as usual and I made a pretty embarrassing mistake in front of the class and my pastor. My instant reaction of embarrassment was because there were so many adults, deacons and elders more well-versed and skilled at understanding the Bible. My dad was sitting beside me.

When Rev Tang (my pastor) asked for possible explanations for why Nicodemus approached Jesus at night in the "born again" passage, John 3:1-21, some people suggested that (1) Nicodemus, being a Pharisee and a member of the Sanhedrin, only dared to find Jesus without having his reputation threatened. (The common Pharisee was a Jesus-skeptic.) (2) Nicodemus hoped to find Jesus only after His day of evangelising and healing work was finished. Nicodemus empathised Jesus' efforts of labour. In my enthusiasm to share what I had read and analysed before, I suggested that he did it at night as part of the Pharisees' attempt to tempt Him when He is off-guard, ie: without the presence of others. I even went on to back it up with v2, the collective entity "we", meaning that Nicodemus came and was speaking as a representative of the Pharisees. Then in Jesus' response, He asked "how then will you believe if I speak of heavenly things?" (v12), thus questioning the motive of Nicodemus' visit. My conjecture was based on the many incidents in the Gospel Books where the Pharisees tried tempting Jesus, such as asking Him what the Greatest Commandment is (Matt 22:35-6).

And my suggestion turned out to be wrong, as in the misconstrued, impossible kind of wrong. At the height of my embarrassment, I comforted myself that (1) was wrong too hehe.

From what is written about Nicodemus in the Bible, he was never one of the Jesus-skeptics (virtually aka the rest of the Pharisees). He was in fact a man who defended Christ, an act made nobler and brighter when he defies popular opinions. After the preaching at the Feast of Tabernacles, Nicodemus helped thwart plans of the temple guards to seize Jesus. In front of his 'own number', he spoke for Jesus (John 7:50-51). He cared for our dear Jesus. He was there after Jesus' bloodletting on the cross. He used his money to buy 34kg of myrrh and aloes, incenses that were only used by the rich aristocrats then. With that precious myrrh, he prepared Jesus' body for burial. What I saw was not scheming Nicodemus, but a courageous Nicodemus that so loved and respected Jesus. Just like the myrhh, I believe Nicodemus' love has been a sweetsmelling incense to God just as it has been to John, who referred to him as "the man who earlier visited Jesus at night".

I have definitely read those passages before. So why did I misinterpret the Bible (and loving Nicodemus)? It's been a long time since I read the whole of a Gospel Book so I forgot certain events and their details. And the last time I read one, or any other Scripture with many names inside, I read it passively. I didn't engage myself in the text, reading it for the sake of reaching the last chapter. I could remember who Curt Lemon or Lavender was after reading O'Brien's "The Things They Carried" once. I could remember the 'moribund killer' Karl Yundt after reading Conrad's "Secret Agent". If I engage myself when reading academic literature, why didn't I engage myself even more for the precious Word?

I'm glad I made this embarrassing mistake in front of people. I know where I went wrong and how I can help improve my interpretation of God's Word. And because of what I learnt, committing my Nicodemus error isn't that embarrassing after all. :)

Engrish.com

I do here and now present to you..pictures from engrish.com!
I find some of them seriously hilarious. Take a break from work and amused hahaha.

Photo courtesy of Gabriel Camelin.
Found in Bangkok, Thailand.
- It's Thailand and its amusing engrish again!


Photo courtesy of Wayne.
T-shirt found in Japan.


"On the upside, they're dry..."
Found at Heian Jingu in Kyoto, Japan.


"Got too many kids?"
Photo courtesy of Craig Walters.
- Sounds so so wrong!


Photo courtesy of Michael Boo.
Found in Qingdao (Tsingtao), China.


"Communist playgrounds suck..."
Photo courtesy of Brian Murphy.
Found in Guizhou Province, China.

Teehee! PLEASE find it funny. I hope I'm not going crazy. Back to work now ta-ta!

Drawings from Esther and Yours Truly

Ahh it's the weekend again. One week less to approaching assignment deadlines, aka impending doom.
As an attempt to stop stressed hairshafts from potentially losing any more melanin, here are some amusing drawings for self-amusement so I can be amused.



_____, the Troll. I can't remember this fella's name, but Esther (my 8-year old sis) drew this for an English assignment. She described it as having "small" eyes, "big" mouth, "small" hands and "small" feet. It is also very "short". (quotations taken from her answers in the blanks she had to fill for description.) This troll is supposed to be WANTED. Mean-looking monster..I'm greatly tickled! cutez.

And now on to a higher-class masterpiece: MY brainchild that was conceived just a while ago. It has a lot of scientific truth in it and is of extreme pertinence to the controversies of Climate Change.



The black dots are our dissolved CO2 friends who enter the ocean from the air. Then our other friends, Plankton and Friends and Mr and Mrs Underwater Tree eat the CO2 friends. It is so delicious that they say "Yum Yum!" in unison. Somehow/Eventually, the trees die. Plankton and Friends also die, but in a more evolved form. They end up in the familiar shape of whale excreta. And when you look more closely at our dear friends who are now lying on the ocean bed, our very first friends, the CO2s, still say hi to us. They exclaim, "We are here!". Although they are being trapped in the ocean bed and we cannot see them when we swim in the waters next time, our bonds of friendship remain tightly-knitted, because they have come to the good side. Not like their friends who still live in the air to harm us and make Singapore bakin hot.

Oh, and I think you can stop squinting or rubbing your eyes already. The pictures were blur teehee. Strangely I couldn't rotate the pictures hmph.

Jesus, I love You.

I am going to do the oh-so-cliché thingy here: putting down lyrics of a song wholesale. But, please read them don’t just scan through like how I usually do for Tom Dick and Harry songs, because this is NOT a Tom Dick and Harry song.

“My Jesus, I love Thee
I know Thou art mine,
For Thee, all the follies of sin I resign;
My gracious Redeemer, my Saviour art Thou;
If ever I loved Thee,
My Jesus, tis’ now.

I love Thee because Thou hast first loved me
And purchased my pardon on Calvary’s tree
I love Thee for wearing
The thorns on Thy brow
If ever I loved Thee,
My Jesus, tis’ now.

I’ll love Thee in life
I’ll will love Thee in death
And praise Thee as long as Thou lendest me breath
And say when the death dew lies cold on my brow,
“If ever I loved Thee,
My Jesus, tis’ now.”

In mansions of glory and endless delight
I’ll ever adore Thee in heaven so bright
I’ll sing with the glittering crown on my brow,
“If ever I loved Thee,
My Jesus,
Tis’ now.”

William Ralph Featherston, 1864

Today I sang this hymn for the congregation’s 27th anniversary, with the accompaniment of a wonderful budding flautist. I like how Featherston says it so plainly but powerfully in the refrain, "O Jesus, have I loved you before? Yes, I love you right now." The Chinese version interprets it slightly differently- it's not just about loving dear Jesus right now, but loving him more than before.

Featherston was born into a Christian family, but only converted when he was 16 in 1862, and wrote this passionate and romantic hymn to Jesus. Remember how we felt so passionate and zealous and moved when we first accepted Christ? I remember that wonderful feeling, that 'first love' for Jesus that Paul says we should always have. I knew what to do to show my love for Him, but at the same time I didn't know exactly how to do. Underlying this passion nonetheless was a heart shook by God's grace and Word, which seems to be diminishing and replaced by potentially ritualistic Christian life for me, or for some others, it seems to die down and they grow numb to it.

"Tis' now." Thank God for reminding me to always refocus my life on loving Him. For the past week, I've been meditating on this in line with a verse I came across from quiet time, which talks about having 'zeal' and 'spiritual fervour' (Rom 12:11). Big emotion words they are: what matters more is application. And I'm glad that the friendly neighbours of v11 teach us examples of application. v17 says "Do not repay anyone evil for evil." In my Bible I have my New Year Resolution 2007 card, I made a resolution to love enemies, those unloveable by human nature. Looking back on this year, I'd say I can do better at that, though I've managed to accomplish quite a bit. I don't want to be a Christian blog rhetoric more than living a "Jesus you are mine. I love you" life.

Featherston says Jesus is his and he is confident of being rewarded in eternal life. It means more than a patriarchal ego (heh) or a nice-sounding phrase to claim Jesus as one's own. Sure it happens the other way round, but to say Jesus is mine means I must be proactive in loving Him- having good faith in waiting for prayers to be answered, trusting the beauty of His Will in life's rocky roads, knowing that Jesus never leaves promises unfulfilled even though it may sometimes seem so to the world.

Jesus loves us, and His love is exemplified by dying for us all while we were still sinners and didn't know Him. Loving God with spiritual fervour will die off with the human's weak capacity to love an Intangible. And sometimes it seems so easy to do things in the name of God for Man instead, to idolise the latter and defeat all the work done. So I pray that dear Jesus will keep my love growing for Him, and when I get caught up with the world, to turn my eyes and look full in His wonderful face.

"My Jesus I Love Thee": http://ccm.gospelcom.net/hymns/detail/my-jesus-i-love-thee

Blessed

After the sharing at church choir practice today, I realised how super blessed our choir, Calvary Pandan Chinese Choir is.

When I first joined the music ministry at 16, I joined the church choir with 4 of the 5 girlfriends from the 88 batch of Sunday School, Ruth, Leeling, Lydia, Bixia. We loved to sing so much that we'd get together to sing church songs when we're not playing and running our organs out at a game of captain's ball during free and easy time in youth camps. Our beloved 'class mum', Shu Juan Lao Shi, and the Sunday School department gave us many opportunities to serve as a batch. And we loved music so much that every programme we led revolved around the wonderful world of hymnal music. For Teachers' Day 2003, we played a live telecast of a dj at work (I was the dj!), dedicating favourite hymns to the Sunday School teachers. The hymns were sang by a live choir, comprised of my batchmates and yours truly. Then for Sunday School Sunday 2003, we acted a skit for the nursery, kindergarten, primary and secondary school students about a selfish little girl who didn't love her neighbour, and we tied in the theme song too. I can still remember I had to wear my Primary 4 blue chequered dress and clip my hair hmph and some children thought what we acted was real and started crying! hahaha. Then for Christmas 2003, we created a mini cantata with cello accompaniment for the primary school kids. We had shadow puppets and a live choir that sang beautiful carols like 'Silent Night', 'The First Noel, 'The Shepherds Left Their Flocks Astray'. Although our batch identity has pretty much dissolved, I am really thankful how God has preserved all 4 of us to be in His music ministry. It feels special, especially when no other batch girls are like that :)

Church choir when I was 16 was not anywhere as great as church choir now, though I really admired my cousin, Pei'er, who is a power soprano currently accompanying my cuz-in-law in Dallas Seminary. We took a long time to learn new pieces and weren't disciplined to sing or committed to even attend the practices. Turnover was high so the tone of the choir was always changing.

But I've seen God's Hand work in our choir. The turnover is greatly reduced, with people who were MIA-ers now committing as much more active members. Conducting workshops and annual voice courses have increased the quality of the choir, and the preparation for 25th Anniversary NIght of Sacred Music brought us all closer. Shu Juan Lao Shi would bring her coffee cakes to share with the famished choristers, and many of us would play with Cadence and babies before choir starts. I can feel that the love for God's music emanates from us all. The wives and babies of new fathers would wait at the back of B3 every Sunday so they can finally return home after spending 6hours in church. Though famished with loud growling empty stomachs, the younger people would bear their hunger (from morning, like 7plus 8 am!) till lunch after choir at 2plus. I see the small sacrifices that people in my choir is willing to make/has been making for years. For some, it's 14 or 20years. Though there is much room for technical improvement, what encourages me most is the uplifting of the passion for God's music. With passion, anything is possible because there is the heart to learn and serve. Though we might not be the best choir, we are definitely choristers who see our praise as a fragrant sacrifice to the Lord. I feel so blessed, thank God.

self

here's what i took off from cell group yesterday.

The Christian's Self

Self LOVE: fully acknowledge my being, trusting that God created me out of His Wisdom and Beauty
Self ESTEEM: believe in my own worth, that God loves me and wants to use me.

Self Love is not sell-fish, while self esteem is not pride.
Self confidence is not believing in only myself,
and loving myself doesn't mean not loving others.
Self sacrifice is not losing my self and self awareness is not self-centredness.

That's quite a bit for me to digest!

A Christ-ian

I am tired, like the wick of a candle that is almost going to start burning itself away. So I thought I should write about something that will make me think, and bring me closer to God, whom I can draw all strength and wisdom from. I'll share what I just took away from my quiet time.

"I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing.
He will do even greater things than these..." John 14:12 (NIV)

Jesus said this to reassure His disciples at the Last Supper, and He was just beginning to preach His last messages of promises, where interestingly, seems to have little interjections by the disciples themselves. In this context, I believe that Jesus was the only one who was clear about his motive for his lengthy speech at the supper table - the disciples were not fully aware of His impending capture and did not fully understand why he made those talks. It was only after Jesus' crucifixion and more significantly, His return, that the disciples saw the great need to find great strength and great faith in what Jesus had taught and said to them in the past.

And what are the matters that Jesus had 'been doing'? He had been performing miracles of healing and resurrection, OF WHICH the prime motive is salvation. Jesus said that the disciples were to follow His footsteps of saving the lost, weary and hurt. In the early church, it was because the people followed Jesus' example so closely that they were inevitably being called Christ-ians (lit. meaning 'little Christs'). Such a label itself already gave glory to God.

But that was in the early past. We, Christians of now, have taken this label all so lightly and for granted. If Christianity, Buddhism, Hinduism, Taoism, Islam, Judaism (the list can go on) were all one religion, we could almost just assume that the Hinduist is just another euphemism for the Christian. BUT, NO. As little Christs, we should and we want to continue God's work on Earth. What's more, He's promised us that we can do greater things than saving the bodies of Man - saving the souls from that horrible terrible fearful second death, simply by trusting in this Almighty God that cannot be seen.

Jesus ends off this mini-section with v14, "You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it."

What I saw was that He was implying the difficulties of carrying on Christ's work after He left. (And in literature, this is the technique of foreshadowing -whoa whoa!-) True enough the difficults were manifested in the forms of persecution, trials and tribulations and the limits of what the physical self can do. In Hebrews 11, people were 'chained and put in prison', 'sawed in two', 'faced jeers and flogging', and that was the price of living Christ's life. Similarly, we have own forms of equally challenging struggles and conflicts to grapple with. It will not be easy, but Christ has given His promise of Providence.

This reassuring promise tells my heart and soul that my Redeemer lives (on the earth again shall stand...), that Jesus never really left. That Jesus is Emmanuel.

THE TRUE CHRIST-IAN IS THE ONE THAT CAN DO WHAT CHRIST DID.

My QT book quoted the example of artist, Paul Gustave Dore (1832-1883), who had to draw his way through the airport customs to verify his identity, because he had lost his passport. You only know an artist is one when he can truly draw. You know a Christian is one when he is Christlike. How do we live a life befitting of a Christian? Christ has given us the Great Commission - "go and make disciples of all nations" (Matt 28:19). To live like Christ is to do the work that called Him to die in the first place - to save the souls in the world. These souls are the souls of anyone who hasn't accepted the Saviour yet. They could be your mum or your dad, your grandfather who is in hospital or sipping coffee and scratching his toes at THE ever-generic kopitiam, your neighbour whom you've grown up with or never said hi to before, your closest friends who laugh and cry with you, your classmates who will be leaving to study overseas and have to face a new set of challenges unknown by local students, your teacher whose classes you always ponned/dozed off in, or a random person whom you bumped into accidentally. My point is, there are many people who have yet to become part of our family, and they do not have the peace and joy that we have in the Lord. It is our own responsibilities to reach out and evangelise.

I was also reminded of Phil 2:5, "Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus". At the heart of it all, a true Christ-ian is one who loves with the love of God. It is not possible to love in this way fully, but with the Holy Spirit, we have an amazing capacity to love, one that stretches the thresholds of humanly love. This capacity is great to the extent that one man give up his life for a brother. The sharing at fellowship reminded me of one of my resolutions this year, which is to love the unloveable. Christ kept Himself close to the beggars, the lame, the blind, the loose , the leprosied and the taxpayers, all of whom were discarded as remnants by His contemporaries. We don't have to go to the extreme of merely having unloveable friends (I admit that can be emotionally very draining), but we ought to make an effort to love these people, because Jesus loves them too.

It's not that difficult to be Christlike! Really. I've two reasons to justify my case.

ONE we are all created in the image of God.
We have the innate attributes that God has instilled in us since Adam was created. We have his attributes of love, mercy, compassion, the want of justice and holiness. Limitations aside, it is easy to love and make life better, because we want it this way. We were created to want it this way. We long and pursue that which is bright, good and beautiful.

TWO we have the residence of the Holy Spirit.
This is the more significant one of the two. Christians are under the protection and providence of God. Because of this, we can always cry 'Abba! Father!' to Him above to give us strength and wisdom to be Christlike.

We always highlight the struggles that we have being the salt and light in this dark and unsalty world. But we have the peace and joy that God gave. This peace is the peace that kept Jesus in slumber amidst the terrible thunderstorm at sea, and it is the peace that the world cannot take, and never gave. And this joy is what enables us to give thanks in all circumstances, for we know that all is done in the God's beautiful Will to make us prosper. Being a little Christ is not easy, but it is not that difficult either.

Discouraged

"In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." I Thess 5:18

I'm a little discouraged now. I'm a minority around who doesn't have 5 modules yet, because I got outbidded TWICE. (Yes, I'm in NUS Arts, the faculty known for its obnoxious bidding competition.) :(

And school starts in 2 days' time.
And the appealing for help is only open in 2 days' time too.

But I'll give thanks to God nonetheless. Who knows I might get some really interesting module in the end? Anyhow, I know that through this little freshman crisis, God will be glorified. He is a provident God! So I'll make do and be happy with what I am currently left with - faith in God and comfort from all you dear siblings-in-Christ (hint hint).

AND I havent forgot about it. The Chatuchak episode hehe. Soon, it'll come soon. God bless.

English Lessons with Miss Tan

Delivered as promised.

After a day-long haggling with the hawkers for discounts, I was surprised by this obnoxious signboard. 'NO DISCOUNT. DON'T TRY.' Joyce and Si were good girls- they bought their shirts without bargaining or trying them on. Might have got taupok-ed if we tried either.

Okay this isn't part of the English lesson. But it dawned upon me that the single and double rooms were of the same price. Probably because the room size is the same, except that they put two pillows on the single size bed. (which what the inn we stayed at did! BOO.) Let's take a closer look.

Ok, that's pure cheap thrill.

This was pasted on the door. I felt reassured when Joyce thought she had spoilt the air-conditioner in the room that night.

One of my other cheap daily amusements just before we left for OBS-style shopping.

Lesson is now over.

Thank you Miss Tan. Have a nice day Miss Tan. God bless you Miss Tan.


(Final episode: The Colours and Wonders of Chatuchak)

Sawadeeka

'Sawadeeka,
Chan dong gan pai Siam BTS.
Khaw pun maak.'

That's about all the Thai I picked up over the past 3 days. Bangkok's a great place for a short shopping trip. We 3 girls -Joyce, Si and I- braved the treacherous taxi drivers and energy sapping bargaining, not to mention the budget meals of S$0.25 pastry, tuna and fruit.

So here's a brief tour with the 92 pictures I had in my camera. :)

I super cherished my window seat view this time round. The plane transported us to this secret upper realm of snowy land. Most clouds were little playing children who were moving too slow to be seen by the naked eye. They sat on this invisible floor, of which its meteorological explanation is the minimal temperature of the air strata to keep clouds as they are. A few looked like towering trees and frozen snowy tornadoes.

We settled in at Welcome Sawasdee Inn, tucked away from the noisy, smelly, sleazy Khao San Road. It was located at Soi Rongmai, where royal Thai silk weavers made their prized products for the King in ancient times. At the open-air lobby there was a huge altar for Krishna, the Hindu god with an elephant head and human body.

Just opposite the inn is a dragon graffiti. Joyce and I shamelessly revealed our serpent-sy nature due to the affinity we have with dragons. We're wearing variations of the backpacker's outfit: ethnic/bought from the-streets top + fisherman pants/gachos(?) + flip flops + shades (optional).

And here's the Khao San I told you about. It's a good place to haggle for low prices for shirts with cliche prints. It's a place I don't wanna stay for over 2 days at though. All that people-watching made me wonder about Khao San's true character. Many young Thai women were accompanying Caucasians. There was one who was even pregnant. I saw a young beer-bellied Caucasian boy with a cigarette in his hand. I saw 3 year old Thai kids who was playing at the sloppy stall instead of sleeping at midnight. I saw a woman burnt, discoloured and disfigured, begging for money, and a person curled into a ball and his chest like a paper lantern covering his ribs, shaking his paper cup to ask for money.

On a lighter note, Khao San is an interesting place (filled with Westerners many many). I wonder what would happen if the woman ever lost her grip on her balloons.

Oh oh! How can I forget! One of the small things that always keep me in good spirits with a happy stomach. 450ml Betagen drinks that cost only S$1 was a daily staple for me. It tastes absolutely like Yakult. Plus, Mummy says it's good for the guts! The water bottle in the foreground only costs S$0.25. Cheap cheap! Cheap cheap!

(Coming up next:
English lesson with Miss Tan - cranky Thai signboards)

A Violin Lesson

My previous lessons were preparing for the examination.

So this was how I was prepared.

ONE
Be courteous and smile.
Otherwise you will not pass.

TWO
Be aware of the type of examiner you have.
Old ones wear slippers with socks.
They are more generous.
Young ones wear more fashionably.
They are more stingy and want to prove themselves.

If you get the old ones, you can be relieved.
If you get the young ones,
"Good luck to you", my teacher said.

THREE
Sound tentative with Hmms and ahhhs and I thinks
so you can avoid being suspected as
a student who know deeper stuff.
Because once they know it, they'll test you
beyond the grade syllabus and fail you.


But I always thought examinations were
about testing and challenging one's calibre.
I think music is about doing my best.
It is about honouring God.
Exams are not about technicalities and seeking the loopholes to 'play cheat'.
And not about demeaning God's gift to Man.

I'm a little bitter.
But I'll take it in my stride.

July 3

Yesterday, I woke up at 10.30
and started practising my pieces because
my examination was at 2.43.

2.43. What a silly timing! Are
they really that anal that they go by the minute?
Then I did brainless stuff and
practised again at 12.20.

I reached the exam room and
Mr Tay was frowning at me
Why didn't you wear school uniform?
He told a parent it was the only dress code
allowed for ABRSM.

I thought, This is strange I already graduated!
He said, why are you late?
How could you be lost?

I stepped in and greeted
Mr Daynes he was a sweet old man who
kept smiling
Thank God.

When I stepped out, Mr Tay frowned
when I said I felt good but I could
have given more.
His pessimistic response
How can they test you 8 scales for grade 2?
They only test you 4.
I think you will do badly.
How come he's so sure?

I said goodbye and
I hope to settle for a more normal teacher.

I went downstairs for lunch and
had 2 roti pratas.
The secondary school girls were flirting
with the Indian stallholder.
I ate and I






bent my fork.

Car Accident

The violin and its disintegrated parts lay strewn across the road, its case crushed by the wheels that didn't brake in time.

Her legs were contorted, twisted in a grotesque position knees down. She laid quietly, like a puppet that was thrown out of the window. Blood was draining youth away from her face, her mouth agape and her eyes wide, as if her soul was being wrenched away with great force. Her hands were hardened claws, claws that told of shock. It was all too sudden. She wasn't ready to leave.

The headlights were shattered. There was already a small crowd gathering around the corpse. A man in lime green spouted vulgarities at the driver in iration. The people did not know what to do, except to wait for the ambulance to come, and perhaps save her from death. At least she might just be paralysed or she might just need prosthetics.

And the commotion went on, the man in lime green still hollering at the driver. But no one noticed her anymore, the gnarled body of the girl who wasn't ready to die.

Oh no...

Have you ever felt guilty, feeling that you've said something wrong?

No, not offensive, but inappropriate, or disappointing.

Or that you didn't offer the help to others when you ought to?

I feel terribly guilty, even though it may seem trivial. Am I too sensitive?

I feel terribly guilty. :s

Cheap Bodies

Price of the human body: S$40.

Price of the human soul: Christ.

Visual DNA

I got this from Joycie's old blog:

http://ardour---euphoria.blogspot.com/

It must be boredom that's driving me to try such stuff, but the pictures are really beautiful. You should do it too : )

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Happy Money

The Wonder of Income:

You spend it on the ones you love.

Goldfish Eyes

Have you seen such people before? Half or more of the eyeballs protrude from the face. They have shallow eye sockets, a bodily deformity that causes their eyes to resemble those of a goldfish.

Earlier this afternoon, I saw this boy with goldfish eyes. He was about 5 years old and was at the seats waiting for his turn at ICA. He asked his mother if he could play the Gameboy (that freaky gadget that hooks people's souls away >:( ), which he and his sister shared. Naturally, his sister refused.

'Mummy, but you said after she plays, it's my turn,' he said sadly.

His mum then decided that the winner of 3 rounds of scissors-paper-stone would get to play that Gameboy. He won, but under the whining nuisance of the sister, his mum told them to play another 3 rounds so that the boy would lose and his sister would get to continue playing.

He was obviously disappointed and that really struck me.

Is it because of his extraordinary condition that God has compensated him with such a gentle and meek heart? Must it be that humans must be ugly-looking before they have truly beautiful hearts? And is it because of his meekness that people can bully him?

His mother's biased decision stung an old wound of mine. She knew her son was more obedient and loving, so she exploited that to keep his sister contented.

My brother was the most beautiful child in the family, but his slight dyslexia and weaker intellectual development made parenting so frustrating that inappropriate methods of punishment were used on him when patience ran out. Nonetheless, God blessed him with such a heart of humility and meekness that he would always be the one who helped run family errands or be at the losing end in friendships. Because of that, I remember him always having to give in to me and my other siblings, because he would not throw tantrums and could tolerate unfair decisions. Sometimes it still happens now. Maybe that's why he bears grudges and can get antagonistic at times.

Now that I've got past the age of wanting to be victorious all the time, I want to help mend this wound of the family. I don't want to get into petty tiffs. I want to be a blessing and encouragement to him. I regret only doing this after 15 years of biased treatment, but I suppose there is no true remedy for the old wounds except for God's providence and keeping.